[Singerpoor]

I need your advice on this one. I have started a relationship with a mexican living here in Dallas. He is 34 and is employed (although under the table) he is kind and communicates well, etc. The problem is that I have only known him for a month and he is so amourous. Is this normal? He has already talked about getting married someday, asked how many kids I want, asked where I'd like to move to when we do settle down. He calls me everyday and calls me honey and my love, all this after only a month. If he was American I would cry red flag and change my phone number because no normal American guy would be so romantic so soon. But I know it may be cultural...what do you think? Thank you
Wanna be mamacita

 

[jlms]

I need your advice on this one. I have started a relationship with a mexican living here in Dallas. He is 34 and is employed (although under the table) he is kind and communicates well, etc. The problem is that I have only known him for a month and he is so amourous. Is this normal? He has already talked about getting married someday, asked how many kids I want, asked where I'd like to move to when we do settle down. He calls me everyday and calls me honey and my love, all this after only a month. If he was American I would cry red flag and change my phone number because no normal American guy would be so romantic so soon. But I know it may be cultural...what do you think? Thank you
Wanna be mamacita

Although there are cultural differences I fail to see why you should allow for them.

If something makes you feel uncomfortable or suspicious why should you accept such a situation?

There is no standard "Mexican man", you will have to judge the situation and use common sense to decide how to act.

 

[RVGRINGO]

Proceed with extreme caution. If he is illegal, run fast and far. The complications you will encounter will be unbelievably difficult. He may think that having children will help him gain legal status; that isn't so. Many young women in your situation end up with multiple children and no husband in the house because of deportation and the inability of the woman and children to meet the financial requirements to move to Mexico. Most of the illegal workers have no idea of those requirements and the women have no idea of the different status of women in Mexico or the economic situation there. These guys wouldn't be working illegally if they had an education and a chance of a decent job in Mexico. Please be very careful.

 

[maesonna]

Yes it may be cultural. Your guess is right that it isn't the automatic red flag that it would be if he were American. But that doesn't mean that it would be ok to fall for him. There is an enormous potential for complications even if he is a good. nice, honest man.

 

[Singerpoor]

Not so young and dumb. Controlled and Curious.

Yes it may be cultural. Your guess is right that it isn't the automatic red flag that it would be if he were American. But that doesn't mean that it would be ok to fall for him. There is an enormous potential for complications even if he is a good. nice, honest man.

Thank you JMLS. I am not completely naive and I am not saying that you specifically think I am. I really want more information.

Maesonna, what are some of these difficulties that I may encounter if I move forward? I like your answer because you actually seem aware of the importance of cultural differences. I am a world traveler and was very suprised by one of the other comments. You do not discount someone else's culture because it makes you uncomfortable. I never said that I even was uncomfortable per se.

And what is acceptable (for lack of a better word) amounts of sweet talk for men/ladies who have actually dated a mexican person? I do understand that it would be very stupid to shack up in Mexico, this is not that type of tradgedy... I guess my signature "wanna be" is a bit misleading.

 

[circle110]

I'll put in my 2 cents from my experience with my Mexican fiancee. She chided me for NOT being amorous enough and not talking enough about the future of our relationship including children. She wanted more amorous behaviors - I'm not talking bedroom stuff here - just more shows of affection... good old PDA, "get a room" kinds of things. Now that I live here, I see what she means as it's pretty standard behavior in couples - even elderly ones to smaller degree.
Mexican culture involves a lot of talking about romance and I had to get used to it. The behavior of your boyfriend is not really extreme by the standards I've seen. However, he may have perfected his romancing techniques here in Mexico and is plying them on you to serve some end. Only time will give you that answer so be patient and careful - it may pay off in a great relationship or it may make you thankful you didn't dive in too quickly.

 

[Singerpoor]

Thanks

Your insight was helpful. Yes I am still taking care when figuring this situation out.

 

[MaidenScotland]

I thought I would butt in here as Egyptian men are the same in that within weeks of meeting them they are talking about marriage, children etc..... sadly the majority of them are looking for a way to live in the west legally.
''I never said that I even was uncomfortable per se.''
You may not be uncomfortable but you seem to be suspicious of his motives, if not, why ask questions about his behaviour?
Maiden

 

[jojo]

Take it slow - get to really know and understand him before either of you talk marriage, kids etc... If he wants to be amorous and so do you then fine, but you dont have to get married - heck you could keep him hanging on for years if he really loves you and not what you may be able to offer him!!??? The cultural differences shouldnt make a difference, but they will always be there, so make sure you can live with them, if indeed thats what they are

Jo xxx

 

[Singerpoor]

Trying to understand a different culture.

You may not be uncomfortable but you seem to be suspicious of his motives, if not, why ask questions about his behaviour?
Maiden[/QUOTE]

I think I explained my thoughts in my post. I am American, he is not. I am therefore aware his behavior may be normal.

 

[Singerpoor]

Culture

Take it slow - get to really know and understand him before either of you talk marriage, kids etc...

As I said in my post, we have already talked about it because he asked. I would like somebody with actual experience with the Mexican culture. Have you married a Spaniard? I know that culture is similar. If so then seeking:focus: actual advice on what you did when he asked about these things and what you did; or how you did not talk about these things at all and so forth.

 

[MexicoKaren]

For what it is worth, we have been living in Mexico for four years - me, my husband and our 40 year old single daughter, who is very attractive. She has dated quite a few Mexican men and has found that this type of enthusiasm very early in the relationship to be common, but unnerving. Unfortunately, in her age group, most local guys are married and have a family. This fact does not usually surface until the 4th or 5th date! Judging his sincerity is impossible from afar, but rest assured (to some extent) that there may indeed be a cultural difference at work here. But as others have suggested, proceed with caution.

 

[red_stiletto]

mexican man

Hmm, I had quite the opposite.
I met a wonderful Mexican man, on a vacation to Los Cabos last April. He worked as a tour guide, and we hit it off immediately. While he maintained a professionalism throughout the day it was evident that there was a mutual attraction.
I bumped into him a few days later when he was picking up another tour at the hotel and he greeted me with a chaste kiss on the cheek. We chatted for a while and I gave him my email and home tel# number and told him if he was ever visiting Canada to let me know.
He also came to see me off on my last day, but I didn't really expect to hear from him. But 7 weeks later he called me, (it was actually my birthday, which he had no idea) and we have had almost daily text and telephone communication since. He was out of work for about 8 months due to the hit in the economy and tourist industry because of the swine flu scare. But not once did he ask me for anything. Simply to communicate, as his days were now longer and all he desperately wanted to do was to get back to work. He told me that talking to me was one of the few hilights of his day.
Over the course of 6 months I got deeply involved with him. I allowed myself to think that he wanted me as much as I wanted him and based on that I booked a trip back to Los Cabos to see him in November. He didn't try to stop me, however, he would have preffered that I hadn't gone when he was unable to treat me to 'dinner, or outings' etc. due to his financial situation. He did not allow me to pay for anything, even though I went down with enough money to do lots of things. He would come to meet me everyday. He would greet me with a kiss on the cheek, he would leave me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We talked, we laughed and we got to know each other a little better. He not once tried anything on with me. My attraction for him grew. even though he is not my usual type. I'm taller by about 4 inches and older by about 4 years.
I'm used to men that wear 5,000 suits and 500 dollar ties when they work, he goes to work in shorts, sandals and baseball cap. But I fell hard for his manner, and his incredible dimples! I could not take my eyes off him.
I knew he liked me, and thought I was pretty, as he'd told me pretty early on in our communication after I'd sent him some pictures and I honestly thought he'd be all over me when I returned to visit him. But he was very very disciplined.
I questioned whether he was attracted to me, as I'd heard that Latino men were very amourous and he told me that yes he was, but while he had nothing to offer me, he would not feel right in taking things to the next level. He was doing what he felt he needed to do to protect the both of us. Plus there was the distance factor. I jokingly told him to come and live in Canada with me, he said he had no intention of leaving Mexico as he loved the lifestyle, culture and weather and fully intended on providing himself with a really good life once the job situation sorted out.
I was dying for him to take it to the next level! I found him to be extremelely conservative, very traditional, and a pure gentleman. I've now been home for 3 months and I still hear from him 3 times a week. He tells me, slowly and surely does it, and what will be will be, but not until he is ready as a man.
I'm torn between giving up and getting on with my life, and waiting it out to see if its worth the long wait. At the moment, the waiting is winning out, but its a long dry spell!

 

[Intercasa]

Get to know him and make sure he isn't that way to all the ladies. Immigration status is important as well as if he is illegal, it might not be easy, even if it is on the up and up.

 

[brooklolly]

I find that Hispanic Latino people in general fall in love hard and fast. Life can be rather difficult especially if he does not have papers. I find that the men who fall in love hard and fast are most likely the ones who are untrustworthy in relationships. You really don;t want that. They are not all this way. My husband who is Mexican is very level headed compared to others. And the relationship is very comfortable.

Traciy Curry-Reyes
American and Hispanic Latino Couples

 

[Singerpoor]

Thanks

Thank you for responding. How long did it take for your husband to"declare himself" and then when did you marry?

 

[brooklolly]

Not fast actually. It took maybe 5 months or so before he began to say I love you. Usually Hispanic men in general are in love with after day 1. lol. The relationship with him was slow because we were really best friends at first. Nothing more. And he kept professing his interest in me beyond the platonic relationship that we had. I kept pushing him away at first because he seemed like "too much of a nice guy". He was dressed in a style muy ranchero, which was different from me being African American, at the time I was only into very conservative business like men. I know it sounds strange, but that was my mind set at the time having been used to bad boys (not literally, but in mentality, the break your heart kind) But he was always in my corner, always there to pick up the pieces, and one day I looked at him and thought, what am I crazy? lol. Then we became officially a couple. The thing about it though was when I met his Mexican family they were so happy to finally meet me because he had been telling them about me for 2 years. I was so flattered by this. We just clicked.

I find that Hispanic Latino people in general fall in love hard and fast. Life can be rather difficult especially if he does not have papers. I find that the men who fall in love hard and fast are most likely the ones who are untrustworthy in relationships. You really don;t want that. They are not all this way. My husband who is Mexican is very level headed compared to others. And the relationship is very comfortable.

Traciy Curry-Reyes
American and Hispanic Latino Couples

 

[royanu]

Aww that is wonderful! I am so glad for you Brooklolly!

:focus:

One month is a very short time to put the pieces together in any relationship despite of Nationality.


Given his legal status (or lack there of!), I would be extra cautious.

You seem bit anxious since it has already been a month and you haven't decided to give it more time to see how the relationship forms. So in that case, you can take some proactive steps to calm your nerves a bit. Suggest to hold off on marriage and kids indefinitely because you are not ready for that. See how he reacts to that. Talk about wanting to permanently relocate to Mexico post-marriage and that you prefer to become a Mexican citizen rather than vice-versa because you love the Coastal region and what not.

Just throw some ideas out there. See what gives.

Not fast actually. It took maybe 5 months or so before he began to say I love you. Usually Hispanic men in general are in love with after day 1. lol. The relationship with him was slow because we were really best friends at first. Nothing more. And he kept professing his interest in me beyond the platonic relationship that we had. I kept pushing him away at first because he seemed like "too much of a nice guy". He was dressed in a style muy ranchero, which was different from me being African American, at the time I was only into very conservative business like men. I know it sounds strange, but that was my mind set at the time having been used to bad boys (not literally, but in mentality, the break your heart kind) But he was always in my corner, always there to pick up the pieces, and one day I looked at him and thought, what am I crazy? lol. Then we became officially a couple. The thing about it though was when I met his Mexican family they were so happy to finally meet me because he had been telling them about me for 2 years. I was so flattered by this. We just clicked.