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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi again!

I'm back, this time with a request of criticism for my Letter of Introduction, and my sponsor's Letter of Sponsorship. Please let me know what you think about them both, if possible! They are only first drafts, and rather rough so any feedback is very welcome and appreciated. Also please let me know if they are too similar, or if the timeline doesn't make sense.




Here's his Letter of Sponsorship:

"I went to Japan to work as an English teacher during 2014, and arrived in Koka, Shiga prefecture in September. I first met (girlfriend) shortly afterwards at a fellow teacher’s house, who invited me over to meet other English teachers. I was immediately caught by (girlfriend)'s infectious happiness and how much we had in common. We grew closer over the following weeks as we shared our favourite music and games with each other, as well as meeting again many times at dinner parties and events. After a weekend where I stayed at her apartment we began formally dating on November 30th.

I gave in my notice after the company which employed me in Japan lost their contract for the region. I decided to return to England to pursue a long-time goal of studying Physics. While this put an immense strain on my relationship with (girlfriend) we both strongly desired to continue dating. When I returned to England, (girlfriend) visited me during her summer break from July to August. Slightly before her visit, (girlfriend) got in an unfortunate bike accident which rendered her unable to continue working as a teacher, so she resigned and returned to America after visiting with me.

(girlfriend) started her job as an administrator for (company) in America shortly after returning, and I spent my Christmas holidays that year visiting her in South Carolina. She was able to visit me again in 2016 from March to May due to her flexible work schedule. After my first year of University I spent my summer holidays with her from July to September. (girlfriend) had one more visit to England from the end of November 2016 until February 2017. During this last visit I proposed to (girlfriend) during a weekend away in (city).

Being that I am currently a physics student at (university), I am unable to get a full-time job. However, through savings and investments made for me during my childhood, previous part time work as a receptionist and gifts from relatives and family friends I am able to fully support (girlfriend) while she is in England on a fiancé visa. The savings were in the form of premium bonds, savings certificates and cash ISAs until they were liquidated to be more readily available to our needs.

I currently live in my parents’ house, which has been surveyed and deemed fit to comfortably house us. (girlfriend) will be staying with me here during her stay, and we have plans in the near future to rent a flat in (city) together.

Our wedding is booked at (Church Name) for September XX at (time) and we will be having our reception in (city), followed by another stay in (city) afterwards. After we are married we both wish to get a cat and some degus and join the National Trust and other English Heritage groups. We share a love for nature, and for visiting historic and cultural sites in England such as national parks or churches. Even since leaving Japan, we've longed to start our lives together and decorate a flat with lots of silly personal objects and antique tea sets, and are excited to begin our lives together in the UK."




And here's my Letter of Introduction:

"When I first met (boyfriend) in September 2014, he and I were English teachers in Koka, Japan. After several conversations and meetings at parties and friend’s houses, and one weekend at my house playing our favorite game, we officially began dating November 30, 2014.

In mid-February 2015, (boyfriend) admitted to me the he wanted to study Physics, and had decided to move back to the UK after his teaching contract expired in March. Wanting to continue teaching, I decided to remain in Japan for the time being, but we decided we wanted to continue our relationship. So, after spending 3 months in my apartment on a small vacation, (boyfriend) left for England in June 2015.

We decided I would visit him in England for my summer work break, from July to August. Unfortunately, I got into an accident on July 15, 2015 in which I broke 3 of my front teeth, but I flew to England for summer holiday anyway, leaving Japan on July 17, 2015.

While in England, I received private dental treatment from (boyfriend)’s parents that was generously paid for by them, and decided to quit my job in Japan to have time to heal. After my holiday in the UK, I left on August 31 to go back to Japan to pack my things and move to the US, and left Japan on September 17, 2015. I took up residence with my parents, and eventually took a job as an administrator for their company, which allowed me to work from home and heal while having flexibility to see (boyfriend). Likewise, (boyfriend) had liberty to travel, as he became a student and had vacation time, so we decided to travel for as long as we could see each other, which is why our trips were extensive.

In total, I have visited him 3 times in the UK (July - August 2015, March - May 2016, and November 2016 - February 2017) and he has visited me twice in America (December 2015 - January 2016, and June 2016 - September 2016). Between these visits we would Skype each other almost daily, and sometimes send small packages of our favorite things from each other’s countries.

On my latest visit to England, (boyfriend) proposed to me on February 12, 2017, in (city). It was important to us to have the wedding in England because we are looking to settle there, and for ease of transition back into university courses for (boyfriend), so we plan to marry on September XX, 2017 at (Church Name).

Throughout our relationship, we have spent our time exploring our common interests in history, taking walks through historical sites, going to tea rooms, gaming, and learning new skills together. He embodies many of the values that I cherish myself - hard work ethic, compassion, and honesty, and has a great sense of humour and appreciation for culture and history. After we get married, we plan to get an apartment, become members of the National Trust and English Heritage, get a rice cooker, and a cat. With these possibilities ahead of us, we look forward to the opportunity of living together and sharing our lives in marriage the UK."



(I cannot thank all of you enough, this forum has been such an immense help throughout this entire process!)
 

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Too many details which aren't very relevant. Just give a broad outline of your relationship. For example, in the first letter, the first two paragraphs can be condensed as: Met in Japan while both working as teachers. Soon started relationship. Returned to UK when job finished, while she resigned and returned home after an accident.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Too many details which aren't very relevant. Just give a broad outline of your relationship. For example, in the first letter, the first two paragraphs can be condensed as: Met in Japan while both working as teachers. Soon started relationship. Returned to UK when job finished, while she resigned and returned home after an accident.
Alright, I've trimmed some fat on my bit:

"I met (boyfriend) in September 2014 when we were English teachers in Koka, Japan. After several conversations and meetings, we officially began dating on November 30, 2014. After a few months, (boyfriend) told me he decided to move back to the UK to study Physics. I decided to remain in Japan, but we chose to continue our relationship, and (boyfriend) left in June 2015.

Before my first visit to the UK in July 2015, I got into an accident in which I broke 3 of my front teeth, and after arriving I received private dental treatment from (boyfriend)’s parents that they paid for. After my holiday, I resigned my position and left Japan in September 2015, taking up residence with my parents in the US. I took a job for their company, which allowed me flexibility to see (boyfriend); likewise, (boyfriend) had some liberty to travel, as he became a student.

I have visited him 3 times in the UK (July - August 2015, March - May 2016, and November 2016 - February 2017) and he has visited me 2 times in the US (December 2015 - January 2016, and June 2016 - September 2016). Between these visits we Skype each other almost daily, and sometimes send small packages of our favorite things from each other’s countries.

On my latest visit, (boyfriend) proposed to me on February 12, 2017, and we decided to get married at (Church Name) in his hometown in September. It is important to us to have the wedding in the UK because we are looking to settle and establish ourselves there.

Throughout our relationship, we have spent our time exploring our common interests in history, going to tea rooms, taking walks through historic sites, and learning new skills. He embodies many values that I cherish - hard work ethic, compassion, and honesty, and has a great sense of humour and appreciation for culture and history. After we get married, we plan to get an apartment, become members of the National Trust, and get a cat. We look forward to the opportunity of living together and sharing our lives in marriage the UK."




Also, just to make sure, does his letter hit on the right points for a sponsorship letter and just need to be trimmed, or is there information he needs to put in that isn't there?
 

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Those precise dates are tedious to read and add nothing important. Just give year. No need to detail visits - just say how many times. Don't mention getting a cat - superfluous. Be factual, use business-like language. As for the other letter, don't copy from each other, write from own standpoint, but content should largely agree.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Those precise dates are tedious to read and add nothing important. Just give year. No need to detail visits - just say how many times. Don't mention getting a cat - superfluous. Be factual, use business-like language. As for the other letter, don't copy from each other, write from own standpoint, but content should largely agree.
Took away the dates from the first and second paragraph (save meeting and dating dates), put the seasons for the dates list (just so there would be some context about the accident/my leaving for America), put only the year for engagement, and took away the part about the cat.

Funny thing, he did write from his own standpoint...I just linked him some threads here about what it should sound like, and told him what points to bring up. Should he just put more emphasis on how he intends to sponsor me and scrunch his timeline more, if it sounds too similar atm?
 
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