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Some of my best friends are Mexicans

5436 Views 17 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  jojo
Personally my "best" Mexican friend stems from 1962 and now he is a rich, racist bigot, sort of.

Through him and others I have learned to understand the chip on shoulder mentality of the educated classes in Mexico. Understandably in the context of US/ Mexican history.

Nevertheless, I am not particularly sociable, and my Mex wife bitches about that, but I have had, am having, and probably will continue to suspect my so called "mexican friends" of ulterior motives.

I suspect that they either want something from me, or are trying to figure out how to screw me in their favor. I am probably hexing the few that may actually like me for who and what I am

This probably sounds racist, and it probably is, and probably is universal (Don`t trust the Greeks, they will screw you, as said in umpteen German travel guides).

Bottom line is I am totally conversational in Spanish, but, aside from my continuing experiences from 1962 I have yet to form a "good buddy" relationship with a Mexican.
Yes, I have all the syndromes of supposed Mexican friendships, big hugs, shared drinks and shared kills, and the equivalent of family picnics,

But in my heart I know that I am not one of "them", because ................
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Being a person who studies philosophy, psychology and history etc. has me not trying to totally understand everything from an emotional level but from a subjective view of differences most people have than might seem non objective to me. Mexican culture has one big difference. Most raised NOB Americanos have a main value of pride in being independent . Most born SOB have a main value of being codependent. After overcoming my distaste of this aspect of the culture I have come to realize you can put the dots together when things happen that I before thought were wrong, but now see why they are so prevalent. Not thinking I was better because of a value I had or a value others have made it all make sense and now I see things that I just simply say to myself: "Who cares." This works for me.
You may be right. But I'd change one word in your theory, and then I would agree with it, based on not just Mexicans, but every culture where family and neighbor mean something much more expansive than NOB.

Change "codependent" with its connotations of addiction and the people who enable those addictions to "interdependent".

Interdependent seems to hit the mark for me: relying on each other for both survival and for well being. I used to be married to an alcoholic. I've seen codependent in all its tawdry maladaptation, in too many variations to apply it to an entire society.
Here is the definition of : Interdependence
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Interdependence is a relation between its members such that each is mutually dependent on the others. This concept differs from a simple dependence relation, which implies that one member of the relationship can't function or survive apart from the other(s).

In an interdependent relationship, participants may be emotionally, economically, ecologically and/or morally reliant on and responsible to each other. An interdependent relationship can arise between two or more cooperative autonomous participants (e.g. - co-op). Some people advocate freedom or independence as the ultimate good; others do the same with devotion to one's family, community, or society. Interdependence can be a common ground between these aspirations."

In this context I would still have to use the term codependent in my above synopsis as to a meaning that fits much better. Many do not give back equally and are not expected to until it is their turn usually much later on in some family relations and many times, for an example, compadres and comadres don't get much back except respect. In gov't. relations this mutual giving is also not seen as applicable in many cases. Take the teacher's unions in Mexico for an example. For another take the influence peddling and mordita, the gov't. is not getting back but the paisnos are. Neighbor relations are more of a mutual affair sometimes, but not always.
I see your point. But the reason why codependency doesn't ring correctly, for me, is that it is actually pathological; codependents enable people with addictions or other pathological conditions to avoid the consequences of their actions by stepping in and "'protecting" them.

Here's the Wiki for the word: Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It would be unfair to an entire society or entire societies to label them as pathological.

FWIW, I grew up Catholic, in an Irish family. I understand the pressures to follow the path laid out for you without varying from it. Yet, even in countries like MX and IT, people do so, and their parents, the government and the Church learn to deal.
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