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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi All


Kindly review my essay and give your valuable suggestions.


Even though globalization affects the world’s economies in a positive way, its negative side should not be forgotten. Discuss.

Over a period of time, globalization has had a huge impact, on the way, people live. On one hand experts believe that globalization has helped boost economies. Whereas some of them are of the opposite view. In this essay we will shed light on the merits and demerits of globalization.

Firstly, it would not be wrong to say that, due to the affects of globalization, products made in one part of the world, are available in almost every country. Secondly, due to globalization countries have become competitive. The commodities and services have become cheaper due to foreign players entering the domestic markets. For instance, Maruti Suzuki, Ambassador and Bharat Motors were few companies manufacturing cars in India and not everyone owned a car. However, with the entrance of new players, things have changed prices have decreased and there are more bundled offers, making four wheelers affordable.

Nevertheless, every coin has two sides, Globalization has brought in many benefits, but the drawbacks are present too. of all, with new organizations, offerings in the host country are impacting the local vendors and producers. This is because some of these companies are enormous; they have higher availability of resources. In that case domestic players are being thrown out of the competition. Furthermore, the local craftsmen are suffering the brunt, since similar crafts are being bulk produced and sold at very low prices. For Example, Wal-Mart retail gives items at a give away sum, since they have purchased huge quantities. On the other hand, Local traders don’t have that much financial capability, so they lose their competitiveness.

In conclusion, it would not be wrong to say that the drawbacks of globalization outweigh the merits. However it is inevitable so the governments should take steps, so that the interests of the natives are taken care of.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Anyone who may wish to comment.


Cheers Dev
 

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- could use synonyms for 'globalization'

- review complex sentences. Some of the sentences are broken up with many commas. Is it really necessary?
ex: Nevertheless, every coin has two sides, Globalization has brought in many benefits,
but the drawbacks are present too.
of all, with new organizations, offerings in the host country are impacting the local vendors and producers

- Spoken english creeps in ex: things have changed prices have decreased
ex: bulk produced Vs produced in bulk

- 'the' is used where its not necessary ex: the local craftsmen are suffering the brunt

- I am not sure of your usage of brunt. Shouldn't it be 'brunt of xyz'

- "For Example, Wal-Mart retail gives items at a give away sum,"
This could be changed to : Fox example, Walmart retail sells items at a discounted price.

- However it is inevitable so the governments should take steps
What is inevitable?

- Isn't this like a standard English Ryan structure?
You have shown both sides of the argument. Then at the start of your conclusion para, Shouldn't you say why you are favoring globalization.
 

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Hi
Could you please review my essay:

Should criminals be punished with lengthy jail terms or re-educated and rehabilitated using community service programs for instance, before being reintroduced to society?


"Nobody is born as a criminal". Every year, thousands of people are convicted of various crimes around the globe.
Situations make one a criminal rather than his mindful intentions to become a convict. In this essay, I analyze the reasons why such people should be given a chance to reform and renew themselves and become useful citizens for the country.

As a convict continues to serve the jail terms, there are several factors such as loneliness, inferiority complex, the negative energy, anger and frustration which affects his mind and body in a very negative way; these elements sometimes make the conditions worse and cause more damages to the culprit. Nevertheless, these days, many countries are offer multiple reclamation programs to the inmates of prisons which help bring them back to normal living conditions. Some of these programs include in-house food product manufacturing, farming and cultivation of crops which brings a wealth of benefits to the prisoners.

Having explained about the in-house activities for convicted, it is also important to understand the support these people would receive from such reformation programs. Firstly, having gained the knowledge of manufacturing or farming, the prisoner is equipped to live a quality life once here is released from the prison. Secondly, his family members, friends and relatives would receive him as totally renewed human being and that makes a huge positive impact on the future of the convicted.

To conclude, all these careful examinations proves that convicts if trained and reformed would become useful individuals to the society and to themselves. As none is a born criminal, it is significant in our modern society to consider rehabilitation of criminals.
 

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Hi
Could you please review my essay:

Should criminals be punished with lengthy jail terms or re-educated and rehabilitated using community service programs for instance, before being reintroduced to society?


"Nobody is born as a criminal". Every year, thousands of people are convicted of various crimes around the globe.
Situations make one a criminal rather than his mindful intentions to become a convict. In this essay, I analyze the reasons why such people should be given a chance to reform and renew themselves and become useful citizens for the country.

As a convict continues to serve the jail terms, there are several factors such as loneliness, inferiority complex, the negative energy, anger and frustration which affects his mind and body in a very negative way; these elements sometimes make the conditions worse and cause more damages to the culprit. Nevertheless, these days, many countries are offer multiple reclamation programs to the inmates of prisons which help bring them back to normal living conditions. Some of these programs include in-house food product manufacturing, farming and cultivation of crops which brings a wealth of benefits to the prisoners.

Having explained about the in-house activities for convicted, it is also important to understand the support these people would receive from such reformation programs. Firstly, having gained the knowledge of manufacturing or farming, the prisoner is equipped to live a quality life once here is released from the prison. Secondly, his family members, friends and relatives would receive him as totally renewed human being and that makes a huge positive impact on the future of the convicted.

To conclude, all these careful examinations proves that convicts if trained and reformed would become useful individuals to the society and to themselves. As none is a born criminal, it is significant in our modern society to consider rehabilitation of criminals.
I have highlighted the mistakes which I noticed. I guess you should not repeat a sentence such as "none is a born criminal".
You will score somewhere around 8.
 
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writing on computer is sometimes easier than writing on paper..?
 
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Yes, writing on computer is the best way and easier. You can delete and re-type things if you want, but paper does not allow us to do that.
We can count the words easily on computer and arrange n format the paragraphs. It is easy with computer.
 

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Yes, writing on computer is the best way and easier. You can delete and re-type things if you want, but paper does not allow us to do that.
We can count the words easily on computer and arrange n format the paragraphs. It is easy with computer.
Which shouldn't be the aim since IELTS is all about pencil and paper :) Practice without your computer and then find out if your flow is consistent and good enough not to scratch/erase and re-write.
 
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Thanks bro.

So writing is only on paper and pencil? I hope it would give me a chance to erase and write if I make a mistake :)



Which shouldn't be the aim since IELTS is all about pencil and paper :) Practice without your computer and then find out if your flow is consistent and good enough not to scratch/erase and re-write.
 

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Thanks bro.

So writing is only on paper and pencil? I hope it would give me a chance to erase and write if I make a mistake :)

IELTS has become challenging because we are habitual to our computers.

we have lost the habit of using pen and paper... if you repeat than it would become challenging....

if you really want to get assessed.... write it and post a picture of your writing for someone to check for you ...
 
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