[AussieChris]

Hi Everyone

My name is Chris. I'm a 30 something Aussie currently married with 2 small boys aged 3 and 5. My wife was a British expat living in Australia when I met her. We fell in love, bought a house and started our family, everything was going well.

Eventually we had fallen into the Australian mentality of hard work and the busy lifestyle of raising 2 small boys. Pressures at work were also troubling me so my wife convinced me to take 18 months off and travel Europe in a caravan. It was the best thing I've ever done but also very hard to break the structure and security in my daily life. We saw some amazing places and have made some good friends and priceless memories.

So this is where the problem arises. I honestly don't know what else to do so I'm throwing it out on a public forum to see if some total stranges can offer some advice. Within a few weeks of touring Europe my wife was already on my case saying she didn't want to go back home to Australia. I didn't let it affect our travels and we got on with our travels. The issue rose it's head time and time again and we never really got anywhere.

We came to a sleepy village in Lincolnshire for the 1st winter of our travels to stay with my inlaws and avoid the colder months. On arrival we sat down and talked about things and my wife asked if I would be willing to stay an extra year which I agreed to. Since then she has decided that she actually wants to stay here for good and there is no compromise.

We've got a really nice house waiting for us back in Melbourne in a well sort after suburb, I was always making good money in construction and our friends and my family where always around. My wifes parents would also visit every summer for 3 months so we got to see plenty of them. Life was good. In Lincolnshire, I'm struggling to make a quid, we're renting a council house in a sleepy village, the weather as you all know is crap and we're still arguing about what we're going to do. We're in limbo and not really living.

To make matters worse, whenever I cal home my parents are always on my case asking when we're coming home and when can they see their grandchildren. They're both getting old and are quite ill too. Mum developed breast cancer as soon as we left for our travels and I was absent during the whole ordeal.

Basically I feel cheated and as a result I feel some resent towards my wife. She doesn't seem to care that I'm unhappy here and refuses to go back home. She says she's not holding me hostage and I'm free to do what I want, but that's unfair as I love my family to bits and don't want to leave them. The plan was an 18 month holiday. I never committed to try and live here. It was never the plan. And yes, I know plans change but usually there is some consent from both parties.

I'm quite desperate to resolve this asap. I really don't know what to do. I've run out of options. None of our friends want to interfere or share their views in fear of upsetting the other party.

Please help
Chris

 

[AussieChris]

Anyone? Throw something out there. Anything.

 

[Guest]

Oh dear sounds rough. She was obviously quite homesick but she has to bend somewhere if you are unable to get work and not setted. Any chance either if you could agree to move elsewhere in the UK or even europe? With more oppo for you as a family and for work but near enough that she doesnt feel the need to run back home and you both get to make your own life away from either family.

 

[AussieChris]

Oh dear sounds rough. She was obviously quite homesick but she has to bend somewhere if you are unable to get work and not setted. Any chance either if you could agree to move elsewhere in the UK or even europe? With more oppo for you as a family and for work but near enough that she doesnt feel the need to run back home and you both get to make your own life away from either family.

I guess that is an option. I've said there needs to be some compromise. She's just being a bit stubborn.

 

[Guest]

A stubborn woman aint hard to shift, I should know I am one! But if your relationship is still otherwise strong she should be agreeable, maybe with a bit of persuasion, to moving elsewhere but within distance. Had she ever lived far from her home town and family before? I know she was in Australia but was that as PR for a long time or a WHV which is more an extended holiday than moving away from your family forever.

Where do you think you could find work and/or settle easier? Have a think about it, even do some research and go to her with some options. I couldnt live in the country myself, part of the reason I didnt settle to well in Australia where my in laws where, but I was lucky in that hubby wanted to come back too.
If the areas you choose are good for work, good for your boys, good for her work or interests and she can see its thought out she may talk more.

Failing that there is always relate http://http://www.relate.org.uk/home/index.html May seem drastic but its not all for couple splitting and if they can get you talking and get you both to understand each others needs, fears and desires it could help loads.

 

[AussieChris]

Excellent advice Shel. I think we both really need to sit down and think about what we both want. Are biggest problem is she doesn't want to live in Australia and I don't want to live in the UK. Where is nuetral territory?

 

[Guest]

Hmm hard one, but maybe Europe? If she is willing you can go too under EU regulations without too much hassle. Just where. What type of place do you want? Big city? Smaller town? Heat? The sea? Culture?

BUT she may want to live in australia or anywhere, just with some requirements of what she thought was missing. You do need to talk. Me I make lists, likes, dislikes etc maybe get her to do the same as there could be somewhere else in Aus that would suit her if it was specific to where you where.