[fitnesstasha]

Good morning all, hope yr well
Any advice would be welcome! myself and my hunny have a 5 yr plan! we are 33 at mo, and are both currentley at college retraining as a hairdresser (me) and a sparky (him), my son is 13 and my hubby isn't his real father (what a shocker! lol)
My husband and I have 2 children together

Anyway, my son is adamant he doesn;t want to come and im starting to get really worried, he doesn;t want to leave his real dad who he see's lots, and I totally understand.

I have asked him to come over with us, stay and kick back for 6-12 months when he is 18, or he can attend college, but he doesn't even want to do that.

I don;t think he can make up his mind untill he as stayed with us in Oz for a while.

My dilema is, if he really is adament, do I go and leave him? or should I risk it, go he will come for a holiday and hopefully love it so he will stay longer.

I don't mind if he has tried it and decided he prefers england, i'd be happier if he was 21-22yrs old when we go, but we will have the age thing against us

Thanks so much for your time
Tasha xxxxxx

 

[Dolly]

Hi Tasha,

Blimey, what a dilema you've got there.

Is there any way you could come over here for a holiday so your son could see what it's like. Sometimes it's not only missing family and friends that puts children off but also the element of the unknown. Your son is 13 at the moment so by the time your plan comes to fruition he'll be around 17-18 years old. That's a long time in a child's life....lots can change in that time. Give him time, he may start to warm to the idea. Plus, when he gets older he probably wouldn't mind so much being apart from his dad.

I think for now, just keep sewing the australian seeds....always keep positive when talking about it. After a few years, if he's still against the idea, you'll have to make that huge decision whether to go without him.

What you could do is put him on the visa application, validate and then he will have 5 years to decide if he wants to come and live with you or stay where he is. At a later date if he does decide to live with you, because he's validated his visa he won't have any problems moving over.

Does any of this make sense?

Dolly

 

[fitnesstasha]

Hello Dolly.....

Yes that makes LOTS of sense! aghhh what a worry! I just think if I didn't go he may off come over with me in the end...what I mean to say is, i may be giving him the opportunity off a life time if I DO go, as he may follow...

Lol does that make sense???

Is/has anyone else been in the same position????

 

[jojo]

If your son is only 13 now, then I would simply not make a big deal of Australia! So much will change between then and now. He'll probably change his mind several times! Just dont let him think he can change your plans, otherwise he'll either feel guilty in the long term or powerful. Whatever happens try not to keep discussing it with him in the short term, cos my knowledge of 13 yos is that it'll irritate him and he'll tell you he wont going just to be ... well 13!! They can be so beligerent at that age!! 5 years is a long time to a kid and who knows how he'll feel in the future

Not quite the same, but my son was 13 when we moved to Spain and wasnt keen at all, we dragged him here kicking and screaming, now he's nearly 15 and loves it here! When my son is 18?? well who knows where he'll be!!???

Jo xx

 

[fitnesstasha]

Awwww thanks Jo Jo, I wish Oz just wasn't so far away!! I don't not want to go , I have my heart set on it, but I feel so selfish! I do hope he comes xx

 

[fitnesstasha]

has anyone else been in this situation ?

 

[Si T]

I am in the situation you are expecting to be in 5 years time. My stepdaughter (I have been her stepdad since she was 4) has decided that she wishes to stay in the UK when (If) we go as she has a long term (when your 17) boyfriend and she sees her dad a couple of times a week (He and I play golf together so its never been a problem them being so close).

We did quite a bit of soul searching and naturally the bigger issue was for my wife. We finally came to the conclusion that while she will always be a part of our lives she has got to the age where she is going to spread her wings anyway either by going to uni or by moving out and getting her own place. Also, the fact she still has her dad over here means that she will have support should she need it close to hand. If that was not the case then I don't think we would even consider leaving her behind.

Our solution is to put in our application in the middle of next year once I have had my skills assessment done by the CPA and include her in it. Depending upon timescales she will either travel with us when we go or very shortly after once we are settled which then validates her visa for the following five years. This then means that should things not work out as she would like over here then she will have a route to come over with us at a later date should she wish to.

I should point out that we also have a son together who is six and a substantial part of our decision to move is the quality of life we feel we can give him in that environment. We are tired of spending four or five months of the year stuck indoors because the weather is retricting what we can do as a family. I coach an under 7 football team that he plays for but one evening and two, two hour sessions on the weekends are not enough in the winter months.

Don't get me wrong, we are not expecting utopia when we get there but my grandfather once told me not to die with regrets and I would hate to turn around at sixty and think "What If".

Good Luck

Si

 

[fitnesstasha]

Hey Si

Gosh I can't believe how simular our situations are! I have (almost) accepted that he isn't coming , but have said I would actually like him to leave with us, i'll buy him an open ticket, help us settle, then come back when he likes, I can't face getting on that plane without him, but he is even umming and ahhing about that!
My son will be 7 when we go and my daughter 14, we also need to change to the Oz lifestyle, this weather is just suffocating us as a family
Where is your step daughter going to live?, thats another worry of mine, that I will be selling the family home and leaving him homeless!
Which part of Oz are you going too?
Tasha x

 

[BioHacker]

Let him know who is the boss!

 

[Si T]

Hey Si

Gosh I can't believe how simular our situations are! I have (almost) accepted that he isn't coming , but have said I would actually like him to leave with us, i'll buy him an open ticket, help us settle, then come back when he likes, I can't face getting on that plane without him, but he is even umming and ahhing about that!
My son will be 7 when we go and my daughter 14, we also need to change to the Oz lifestyle, this weather is just suffocating us as a family
Where is your step daughter going to live?, thats another worry of mine, that I will be selling the family home and leaving him homeless!
Which part of Oz are you going too?
Tasha x

We would like to eventually end up on the Gold Coast but with the way that the prioritisation is going we could well end up in Adelaide for the first couple of years as SA are still giving state sponsorship to accountants. Combined with CSL I am hoping it gives a big plus to my application.

As to where she will live, her father will take her in if necessary but being that she wants to go to university then I guess that thats where she will live at least in term time. There will be nothing stopping her visiting us for a few months each summer when college breaks up if she wants and can bring her boyfriend with her if they are still together.

For the poster who says to show him who's boss you have obviously not spent much time bringing up step children, and if you have then I guess you haven't gotten along with them very well.

 

[fitnesstasha]

or have forgotten that they are/will be adults! lol we would love to move to Queensland too, my 18 year old is dead set on going into the army !! but we will see!
Best of luck t you Si xx