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Please please please help! I need a light!

I am a 19-year-old girl from Rio, Brazil. I went to an International School throughout my whole life, so my English is perfect, and I've started taking German lessons in the beginning of the year (just finished A1 module). Additionally, I hold a Portuguese passport which enables me to live in Europe.

My problem is that, due to severe psychological problems I've been facing for years, I screwed up my education so I don't have the formal qualifications to go to uni abroad. I am now stuck in a limbo and have no idea what to do. All I know is that I cannot stay here anymore, for it is only worsening my mental condition. I deeply wish to free myself from the situation I am in and the only way I can do so is by restarting my life somewhere else. I think about suicide everyday and the idea of being able to start again is the only thing that gives me hope.

I have contemplated the possibility of attending university in my own country and leaving in a few years - it would feel safer, since I would have a BA degree in hands and could progress to a MA degree abroad. However, I don't think I can do it. I'm extremely unhappy here and I find it hard to focus on anything because my brain would always rather daydream about the life I could have.

I have about 7000 EUR in my bank account and I am seriously considering abandoning everything and moving to Berlin, but I am scared as **** that I'll get there and won't find a job, somewhere to live, etc. I am expecting to live a very humble life there, but I just don't want to starve. I keep thinking that if I move, I'll learn German a lot quicker than I would by taking lessons here, and after a few months working in a bar or something I could apply to uni and be accepted into Studienkolleg...

Am I dreaming too high or is it possible? I'm quite extroverted and I want to work in the film industry - I have always been more of the artistic kind of person rather than academic.

I have the feeling that my life would come together if I just left, but my fears keep blocking me. My mind keeps telling me: "It's too risky! You're better off like this, at least you have food and a bed."

Has anyone ever gone through something similar? If not, does anyone know someone who's done something like that?
 

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You're legally entitled to live in Germany, but your job prospects would be poor with no post-secondary education and limited German skills. You could probably scratch out a living but it might not be much fun. And Berlin winters are not something I'd recommend for the already-suicidal.

You'd need to do more research to determine whether your educational qualifications would be sufficient for Studienkolleg and university.
 

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Please please please help! I need a light!

I am a 19-year-old girl from Rio, Brazil. I went to an International School throughout my whole life, so my English is perfect, and I've started taking German lessons in the beginning of the year (just finished A1 module). Additionally, I hold a Portuguese passport which enables me to live in Europe.

My problem is that, due to severe psychological problems I've been facing for years, I screwed up my education so I don't have the formal qualifications to go to uni abroad. I am now stuck in a limbo and have no idea what to do. All I know is that I cannot stay here anymore, for it is only worsening my mental condition. I deeply wish to free myself from the situation I am in and the only way I can do so is by restarting my life somewhere else. I think about suicide everyday and the idea of being able to start again is the only thing that gives me hope.

I have contemplated the possibility of attending university in my own country and leaving in a few years - it would feel safer, since I would have a BA degree in hands and could progress to a MA degree abroad. However, I don't think I can do it. I'm extremely unhappy here and I find it hard to focus on anything because my brain would always rather daydream about the life I could have.

I have about 7000 EUR in my bank account and I am seriously considering abandoning everything and moving to Berlin, but I am scared as **** that I'll get there and won't find a job, somewhere to live, etc. I am expecting to live a very humble life there, but I just don't want to starve. I keep thinking that if I move, I'll learn German a lot quicker than I would by taking lessons here, and after a few months working in a bar or something I could apply to uni and be accepted into Studienkolleg...

Am I dreaming too high or is it possible? I'm quite extroverted and I want to work in the film industry - I have always been more of the artistic kind of person rather than academic.

I have the feeling that my life would come together if I just left, but my fears keep blocking me. My mind keeps telling me: "It's too risky! You're better off like this, at least you have food and a bed."

Has anyone ever gone through something similar? If not, does anyone know someone who's done something like that?
I am very sorry to hear about your difficult situation.

Please think long and hard before moving halfway around the world.

The difference in culture and climate will be staggering. Please make sure that it is not a "the grass is always greener..." situation. I do also understand that it can be quite liberating to start fresh.

On the other hand, being all alone in a new country can be frightening. You are still very young - are you ready to be so far from friends and family?

You might want to contact the federal employment department regarding a programme such as this or similar:

Interested Trainees

This would at least give you a support network to fall back on.

Also, I would not recommend to move to Germany during winter. The cold and dark can be depressing even for people who have lived there all their lives.
 

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Starting a new life in a foreign country, for all the advantages it might bring in the long term, is a very demanding and often frustrating and lonely task in the first months or year. Like all people who relocate, you are likely to go through phases of happiness as well as depression. Already starting depressed and with a feeling of "running away from misery", as your message implies, is almost certain to fail and lead you to a worse situation than now.
As ALKB pointed out above, as an EU citizen you have the right to freely move and work anywhere in Germany, but you'd still have the responsibility for your own expenses and upkeep - nobody will help you there! (And I mean NOBODY - Germans can be almost cruelly disinterested in the problems of strangers!)
The money you have will allow you 8 to 10 months of spartan life.
 
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