[Sonrisa]

T his is complicated, so bear with me...

My daughter, 6, has a Friend in school, Egyptian ,to whom she has been very close this year although she has voiced in many occasions that she doesn't enjoy her company very much. I can see why,because my daughter is the quiet type, and her friend is quite the opposite so they often crash.

The parents of this girl work, both of them, and somehow I have been having their little girl at home for lunch after school and taking her to share extracurriculum activities more often than what my daughter feels comfortable with, at least once a week, often twice, which I fear is causing my daugher to reject this girl even more.

Last week, because my daugher had been boasting about how much she enjoys her ballet lessons, the mother of her friend asked me if I could take her daughter as well to try it once, which I obviously willingly agreed. As its turns out, she wants to join and I suspect they take it for granted that I will take her now every week home for lunch and after to ballet as well. This would be ok if that's what my daugher wanted, but she not happy about it at all, she is actually very upset. I asked her why and she feels that her friend it's always "doing what I do and doesnt let me do anything".

funny enough, on Friday we had invited another friend from school that claimed that she didn't like this particular girl because " the other day I wanted to play with H (my daughter) and she pushed me."

So, I obviously dont want to upset anyone, especially this little girl and her parents are so sweet, and I feel they really appreciate me taking care about the girls friendship and having her at home so often and so on, but I don't want to deprive my daughter of her own space, that she craves and the feeling that activities that she has been enjoying for a number of years are also being invaded by her friend. What do I do? It's bothering me a lot.

 

[charleen]

I have always let my daughter say whether or not she wants a friend over or not. My daughter can be active but more often than not she enjoys a niice day at home. So if she doesn't feel like having someone over then that is it. I would explain to the parents NOT the child, that your daughter is a little tired and needs some time at home as she does so much at school, and you will call them when she is ready for a play date. Then they know you will set a play date and are not a babysitting service, and then your daughter can say when and who she wants to play with.

 

[MaidenScotland]

Oh dear what a pickle.
You really only have two actions
1. Lie and tell the girls parents that on the ballet day you are busy at lunchtime and what a rush the day is.(you can tell her I come to you then lol)

2. You have to explain that whilst you are happy to have the daughter for lunch when you invite her it cannot be a fixed day.. it must fit in with your schedule. You aslo cannot be responsible for getting her to ballet classes and that they must make alternative arrangements that do not include you.


I fear the parents will take umbrage at what you have to say but at the end of the day your daughters feelings are your main concern and she must come first.

Maiden

 

[Sonrisa]

thank you both, I am taking in the advice and if they ask tomorrow I'll just have to say No, because I've just talked to my little girl and she totally doesn't want to have her friend at home at all, and in fact will refuse to go to ballet t all if her friend joins in.

This is going to be uncomfortable.

 

[aykalam]

The parents of this girl work, both of them, and somehow I have been having their little girl at home for lunch after school and taking her to share extracurriculum activities

right...first thought when I read this: they are using you as a childminder. Who would they leave their daughter with if not with you? OK I don't know this family but really they should realise they are imposing :confused2:

I am aware the above does not sort out your problem now, so like someone has already mentioned, speak to the parents (even better, if they are Egyptian speak to the mum). They can't take you for granted.

 

[MaidenScotland]

thank you both, I am taking in the advice and if they ask tomorrow I'll just have to say No, because I've just talked to my little girl and she totally doesn't want to have her friend at home at all, and in fact will refuse to go to ballet t all if her friend joins in.

This is going to be uncomfortable.

Yes you will feel uncomfortable but you shouldn't as the parents of the child are the ones that should be squirming as they have put you in the most difficult of situations.. What will your daughter do if this little girl goes to ballet classes with her mother?
Stand firm and only invite when it suits you, you are not an embarrassed into babysitter

 

[Sonrisa]

right...first thought when I read this: they are using you as a childminder. Who would they leave their daughter with if not with you? OK I don't know this family but really they should realise they are imposing :confused2:

I am aware the above does not sort out your problem now, so like someone has already mentioned, speak to the parents (even better, if they are Egyptian speak to the mum). They can't take you for granted.

They have a nanny that takes care of her and her baby brother, so if they don't leave her with me, she stays with the nanny. I spoke to the mum yesterday and told her that my daugher wants to stay at home without friends for a few days after school as she has been very busy lately, and so the nanny will take her friend to ballet. My daughter refuses to go to ballet today knowIng that her friend will be there, which is fine, I will not take her if she doesnt want to go.

I hope that when the nanny sees that it is too much trouble to go to ballet with a restless toddler and this girl and wait for an hour, then they will not go ahead with the payment of fees and cancel their subscription. I know this is selfish, but this is the third year that my daugher attends to this center for ballet and she Always loved it and now she is so upset, I am hoping all of this doesnt take her enjoyment out of It.

 

[MaidenScotland]

They have a nanny that takes care of her and her baby brother, so if they don't leave her with me, she stays with the nanny. I spoke to the mum yesterday and told her that my daugher wants to stay at home without friends for a few days after school as she has been very busy lately, and so the nanny will take her friend to ballet. My daughter refuses to go to ballet today knowIng that her friend will be there, which is fine, I will not take her if she doesnt want to go.

I hope that when the nanny sees that it is too much trouble to go to ballet with a restless toddler and this girl and wait for an hour, then they will not go ahead with the payment of fees and cancel their subscription. I know this is selfish, but this is the third year that my daugher attends to this center for ballet and she Always loved it and now she is so upset, I am hoping all of this doesnt take her enjoyment out of It.

there is nothing selfish in putting your own daughters feeling first,