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Lonely in Piemonte

13K views 62 replies 22 participants last post by  FionaScull 
#1 ·
Hi

I'm new to this expat forum thing and not sure how it works.... but.... I've been living in Italy for 2 years now with my 13 year old daughter. It's been tough on us both, but finally things have turned a corner for her and she is totally fluent, thriving at school and her social life is just starting to flourish. Since we arrived, I have concentrated on her and my needs have been put on hold. Now that she doesn't need me so much, I am disallusioned to realise that I am no further forward than when I first arrived. My Italian is still rubbish, I have made no friends, and quiet frankly I'm bored and lonely. I've done my best to find a job but work is scarce here even for the Italians. Now I'm trying to find unpaid work just so that I can mix with people and learn the language and I've even approached the local dog rescue place and been turned down as a volunteer!

I'm not about to chuck it all in and retreat back to the UK now things have finally started working out for my daughter, but I really need somebody to talk to!!! My confidence has dipped so low that I find I hardly want to get out of bed in the mornings. The less you do, the less you want to do..... I did join a yoga class for a few months, but it was expensive and although things aren't that difficult financially, it seemed a bit of a luxury so I bought a dvd from Amazon instead! Sometimes I find I can go for a week or 10 days without speaking to another soul.... my daughter usually has IPod earphones plugged in all the time and sniggers at my attempts to speak Italian... My man works away for 2 or 3 months at a time to finance the building of our dream house here so I really am all alone most of the time, and he can't understand what I've got to complain about.

About me.... I'm late 40s but feel as if I'm much younger!!! I'm interested in cooking, gardening, shopping, dogs, cats and horses and have two children but the oldest at 28 is still in London.

If there is anyone out there near Canelli/Asti/Alba/Aqui Terme please get in touch and save my sanity.... otherwise, I'm very grateful to any suggestions and words of wisdom from anyone elsewhere.......
 
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#4 ·
Hi reading your message I almost feel I have written it, I feel the same,been in Italy for 5 yrs still can't speak the language as I seem to be confined to the house most days, I think sometimes i'm going crazy when i'm talking to my dog & 2 guinea pigs haha, I love animals.
I'm living in Liguria 5 mins from the sea i'm early 30's no children, I don't know what to suggest but I understand exactly how you feel.Where about's in the UK are you from?Hope to you hear from you soon Sara
 
#5 ·
Hi Sara

Great to hear from you. Is that my prognosis? 5 years and things will still be the same?!! No!!! I came here from Caterham/Purley in Surrey (near Croydon) to give my daughter a better life and education - and I thought it would be better for me too,

What about you? Where are you from? And how far are you from Savona or Genova? I'm about and hour and a bit north from both... Amanda x
 
#6 ·
Hi Amanda ,I'm from Manchester & came here to live with my boyfiend,I'd had enough of the UK I knew Imperia wasn't very exciting before I came but made the switch anyway,I'm about 1 hr from Savona.
God no I hope you don't feel the same in another 3 yrs, I think even if you had a couple of friends just to go out with doing normal things that would make a big difference but what do you do go upto everybody in the street and say do u speak English ,it frustrates me very much that I'm not fluent in the Italian language having to rely on other people to do things for you I mean I can do most of the day to day things not a problem but it would be nice to speak to the locals now and again...What is it like where you live is it quiet or busy town near by?Sara
 
#7 ·
Hi Sara

Have looked Imperia up on the map and I'm ashamed not to know where it is cos I drive past it quite often. Should have been passing today as we were supposed to be picking up our new car from Monaco but the guy that was coming to pick us up to take us there has let us down. Next weekend instead now. It's not too far for us to meet up. Last summer we did a few day trips to Alassio during the holidays, so maybe we could meet in the summer when the weather is a bit warmer?

I'm in a small town in winegrowing country. It's very much an agricultural community and everybody knows everybody else. The locals are very nice and I can go into town and ten people will say hello, but they are just acquaintances or people I see around all the time. I'm quite shy so I find it hard to make the first move, and the Italians are very family focussed and have no need or desire to let anyone it to their circle.

Like you, I can get by in shops and restaurants, and have someone that helps with telephone calls and paperwork, but my Italian isn't improving cos I don't get much opportunity to talk with anyone.

Still.... the sun is shining today and the sky is so blue and that always lifts my spirits, as does taking the dog out for a walk through the vineyards. I've got a golden retriever - did you say that you had a dog? What have you got? Bonny will be 2 in May and is awfully badly behaved - doesn't take a blind bit of notice of anything I say - bit like my daughter!!

Gotta go now - have promised my daughter a couple of hours window shopping in Alessandria. Maybe talk later? Have a nice day and enjoy the sunshine!
 
#9 ·
Hi Sara

Had a good day thanks. We went to this supermarket that's about 40 minutes away and has a few nice shops in the complex. Don't know about what it's like your way, but shopping here is so limited - all the supermarkets where I am sell exactly the same stuff and sometimes you have to go a bit further to get things you take for granted in the UK, like smoked mackerel and brown sugar... We didn't buy much - my daughter is almost 14 and has just realised she likes clothes shopping, and she is obsessed with nail varnish so we bought her a t-shirt and some nail varnish and we spent a long time just looking and trying things on, then had some pizza and an icecream, did the food shopping in the supermarket and drove back.

Now we're just settling down in front of Harry Hill and Take Me Out. I've opened a bottle of red wine and lit some candles.... and will probably fall asleep as soon as I sit on the sofa!

What about your day? What did you do? I'm not sure what we do about exchanging e mail addresses as I thought it wasn't allowed. I only joined this forum yesterday and am not sure how things are done?? - I know I can't personal message anyone yet... Amanda x
 
#10 ·
Aaahh I see what you mean about the email address ,they remove it & they says it's 5 posts for private mes, well it sounds like you had a nice day,getting out the house makes us feel normal haha I used to love shopping especially fro clothes but that has long gone out of my life ,one advantage of living in Imperia is you don't spend any money because there is nothing to spend it on,sometimes I take trips out to Nice in France for a nosey I actualy prefer France.
I just took my dog out to the beach today when food shopping also,my dog is a boxer & she is 11 yrs old she's not in the best of shape at the moment which makes me sad . I agree when the sun is shining it almost feels like you don't have any troubles & me too will be watching English tv I never watch Italian sky ,sat nights on UK sky are not so great at the moment .. Sure we can meet up speak to you soon enjoy your evening Sara x
 
#11 ·
hi there !! i am only 21 .. but i have moved to piemonte last week and if your wanting some company reguardless of age and would like to meet up just post a message on here to me ! there can only be more people that just you like this so im sure more people will post back to you ! also i know the family i am living with has an english teacher aswell who is mid fourties maybe fifties .. i suppose after ive met her a couple of times i can pass your nuber on to hher? im sure she is from liverpool originally ! im also starting italian courses tomorrow in via san secondo the group is called YWCA and the enrollment fee is like 15 euros for the year im sure why dont you come along , maybe i can meet you somewhere for coffee before ? x
 
#15 ·
have you searched for any in your area ? there has to be some people who speak english , what about the english teacher at your daughters school? maybe she has some friends , find out at the next parents evening :) aww thats a shame! bbut still when im free on the weekend we should definatly arrange to do something :)xx
 
#18 ·
Hello



Hello, there, Twinkle Canelli,
I would love to save your sanity. I have a feeling that in writing your message, you will receive many many helpful replies. You will find that the people who subscribe to this forum are very friendly and understand much of what you have said.

My name is MaryAnn and my husband and I live permanently in Praia A Mare, Calabria. I am of Sicilian background, having lived with my Italian born relatives, all grandparents, in the same 3 floor building when I grew up. We moved here, in the South, in October, 2010, from the United States...NY State to be exact. Our town is 5 hours south of Rome, by train, about 3 hours south of Naples. We are here because Italy simply called out to me and I needed to be at my origin, especially since my parents died in 2005 and 2006. I was the only child.

We love dogs, also. We have brought our 2 Golden Retrievers over from the States. There is so much to do, Twinkle; Lots of fun things, and there is a great need of dog rescue. I am surprised you were turned down. There are tons of strays here.

Please write back if you feel like it, ok?

Thanks, and try to have a good day. I know it is hard at times, but there are ways to help. Be well.

MaryAnn
 
#19 ·
Twinkle,
You'd do well to improve your Italian, but you need to get out and about to do that. If I were you, I'd start teaching English just to have some contact. You don't have to be a teacher per se; you could start like I did, by doing conversation with adults or helping students with their English homework. And if you're lucky like I was, this thing will snowball. I'm now at the point that I'm refusing teaching work. Get your daughter to help you write an advert. Hard copies can be posted in supermarkets, dry cleaners, stationery stores, etc. You can place an ad on a web site like kijiji.it.
If you live near a major city (like Torino) there are expat organizations, but I would recommend against surrounding yourself only with English-speaking people 'cause you need to integrate.

Ed
 
#20 ·
Thanks MaryAnn,

I have been emotionally uplifted by all the lovely words of wisdom and encouragement.... I too have a golden retriever - she's Italian born, and will be 2 in May. Crazy as anything - still an overgrown puppy - we've just come back from walking round the flood plains and she went mad through the puddles and then rolled about in the mud. We're confined to the kitchen now until she's dry and I can brush it all out! I'll keep trying with the animal rescue places here - the one nearest me is funded by the comune and they only want volunteers for walking the dogs in the afternoons, but I am only free in the mornings! I'm not fussed what animals I'm helping so I'm going to try cats next - I just need to be needed!!!

I do love it here in a lot of ways - I'm always busy - I just get lonely and miss the girly chats and laughter that I used to share with the friends and family I had in England. I don't seem to have much in common with them now. I really am very fortunate - I just have to keep remembering that!

When our house is built we plan to have chickens and maybe a donkey and my man will retire and everything will be wonderful. I just need to build myself a satisfactory life until that happens... I was a very independent career woman in London and since I came here I seem to have lost my identity, which in turn has sapped my confidence. I just need to find it again!!!

And Ed, you are absolutely right - I think that offering help with English may be the only thing there is a market for here, although opportunities will be somewhat limited as I live in quite a small town and very few people speak any English at all, apart from the school children. Such is my lack of confidence at the moment that the thought of teaching anyone anything absolutely terrifies me. I might browse the net and see if there are any suggested lesson plans that would give a good basis to start from as I just wouldn't know where to start teaching someone a foreign language. I also need to improve my Italian so that I can communicate with them!
 
#21 · (Edited by Moderator)
Saying hello from Cavaria

Hi there, I was moved by your post. I've been here in Cavaria near Gallarate, sadly a way off from you, for nearly a year. I speak good italian and even so, it's taken al this time for the people I know to start to trust me!! It's weird and I know what you're going through. your daughter will fit in easily as kids do! I notice another person suggested you teach - yes, I agree. I'm a marketing professional and have found it impossible so far to get work in that field so am doing some teaching. Being mother tongue English you'll find people will pay you just to chat to them. You'll feel useful and it will definitely help. Get dressed up for each session and you'll feel you're really doing something worthwhile. Look the part they will respect you more! I wish I lived nearer to you, I'd be very happy to be friends! I'm a little older than you an dhave a grown up son living in England. I came over here to help a little church - we're not catholics but just live according to the bible over here we're called Cristiani evangelici! I'm mad about Jesus and the freedom he's given me and generally am very happy and upbeat, but I too get moments when I feel very cut off, so I know what you mean!
I was thinking maybe you could do an exchange with a switched on Italian teach them English in exchange for some Italian lessons. You'd both benefit and it wouldn't cost a single Euro. How about doing it around cooking or something then you can eat the result as well and invite some other folk. I'm not sure what your name is but my phon enumber is I'm going back to the UK for 4 days tomorrow bu twill be back next week.
I will be praying for you that you'll find someone near you who you can be good friends with, who you can laugh with and rediscover fun in your life. A big hug from Cavaria. Sally
 
#23 ·
Thanks Sally

It's really good to know that there are people out there who care! I too have a grown up son who I left in London - he's 28 and doing well, but hasn't got himself organised enough yet to get a passport and get over here! I'm sure when he does, he won't want to go home again so I should enjoy the peace!

You must be up by the airport?? I'm a couple of hours south of you so that's a shame, but joining the Forum has already done so much good for me - I have spoken to so many lovely people who are feeling similarly to me. I had initially thought that I should shun English people and English ways and really embrace the Italian culture, but now realise that it was an unrealistic idea and that actually most Italian people are not interested in letting an English person into their already established circle.

I am now getting used to the idea of offering English language services and think that it is the best way to mix with the locals and learn a bit more Italian - I just have to gain a little confidence first!

Hope you have a good trip to the UK and look forward to talking to you on your return

Amanda
 
#25 ·
hi

hi im stacey and im 30, living just at the exit of ovada.......i know exactly how you are feeling, and like you my man works 4 months away on the ships, so totally undertsand you......i have a 9 month old labrador, dont work, and struggle with the language after 5 years of being here, anyway would love to hear from you, and maybe one day meet up

stacey
 
#26 ·
Hi Stacey

Lovely to hear from you. Ovada isn't that far.... it's just past Acqui Terme isn't it? When we first started coming here we used to fly in to Genoa and stop at the Bennets at Ovada to pick up milk and stuff - I'll have a look and see how long it would take me to drive down.

Don't know if I mentioned, but I've got a golden retriever - she'll be two next month but is still very puppylike - I think our dogs would definitely like to meet!

Do you have children? And how do you fill your days? The weather has been terrible for the last week so I'm particularly fed up right now, but I know things will feel better when the sun shines again! ;)
 
#27 ·
hi......thats a quick reply....love it, so you are on the computer alot aswel to pass time lol?

no i dont have any children yet although thats on the cards, but my dog s enough at the minute haha.....

as for passing time, i love walking and gardening, what about you......

maybe we could meet halfway, we could meet in acqui terme, as its not far.....

do you use facebook.....i do!!! pm me your details and i will search for you

well keep in touch......

another boring day ahead the rain is on its way......i also have my family coming to stay on saturday so im free after the 30th! well stay well x
 
#28 ·
Hi,
I'm new to the site and also not sure how things work either. I'm a language teacher currently in UK but planning to relocate within a year to the Verona area with my husband and daughter. My husband is Italian but has been away from Italy now for 15 years so I think even for him it will be challenging at first. Plus, we don't know anyone in the Verona area. I know I'd be a bit far from you but it would be good to exchange experiences perhaps. I hope things have improved for you since your post and that you've met people through this forum.
My main concern is moving my daughter [12] to an Italian-speaking school. May I ask what support your daughter was given? Also, I read that your decision to re-locate was to improve your quality of life etc. Now that you are in a position to compare the UK with Italy and especially with regards to bringing up a teenager do you still think Italy is the better option? I can think of many reasons why you would want to leave the UK but I suppose I still worry that I'm doing the right thing for her future etc. I spent a lot of time in Italy in my 20s and much prefer the culture and way of life over there and think it would be better for my daughter in the long run if we re-located. Anyway, I'd be grateful for your views. :)
 
#29 ·
Hi

Yes I've spoken to a few people through the forum, but only one person that's actually been close enough to meet!

I'll gladly share my experiences with you.... but it will be a bit longwinded, and I'm tired so at times it might not make much sense!

Overall, I think Italy is a much better place to bring a teenager up. I deliberately timed it so that she finished primary in the UK and started secondary in Italy. Because of the lack of language skills, she repeated the last year of primary to give her time to learn a bit of Italian and she will always now be a year behind. That hasn't been much of a problem for her really, as in Italy it's quite common for kids to be held back a year if they don't get adequate marks so there are a couple of other girls in her class that are the same age.

I found a very nice local lady to teach her Italian privately and when we arrived in August she had a few hours lessons every day until school started in September. Since then, she's needed her for a couple of hours after school each day to help with homework and unfortunately she still needs her even now. It has been very expensive and I didn't expect her to still be going now, but subjects like History, Geography, Italian Grammar, Science and Technology are even now, full of new vocabulary and she still needs help with homework, particularly essays. Hopefully it won't be for much longer. Having said that, her marks are excellent, and her attitude to school has improved. Italian school is so much more competitive and she really wants to do well. And she is now beating some of the Italian kids!

However, it was tough on her, and at times it was horrible for both of us.... I don't know how we survived it!!! But you would have support from your husband, and a lot of our problems were due to the fact that my daughter was so shy, and that I was alone with nobody to share my frustrations with. Also it depends on your daughter's attitude. Mine didn't want to be here - but now she wouldn't want to go back to the UK!

I do believe it is a better opportunity for her - she is fluent in a second language and much more confident now. When I think of the UK comprehensive she would have gone to I shudder. Kids here seem to grow up much more slowly, it's a much safer environment, and people are happy! We leave our back door open, and don't lock the car overnight - in the UK my car was being broken into every week! But we live in a small town in an agricultural community - I really don't know what it's like in Verona - I know some big towns do have problems....

And the culture..... I'm afraid we don't do many "cultural" things! But we do enjoy the relaxed cafe society... we have lunch out every Friday (school finishes at 13.00 three days a week and at 16.30 the other two days).... sitting in the sun outside the local bar where we know most of the other customers (not well, but well enough to say hello to). Summer evenings are wonderful - there's always live music or a festa to go to somewhere nearby that doesn't cost anything.... and of course school breaks up on the 13th June and they go back middle of September, so that means visits to the pool several times a week, or days at the coast....or just sitting outside a cafe watching the world go by, or pottering in the garden. Last sumnmer we drove up to Aosta for a couple of days, and over to Venice for a week. This year we're hoping to do Rome, or Pisa, Lucca and Florence.

So.... what will you do? Yes, I think it's a better place for a teenager, and just the experience of another culture is an education in itself. In this economic climate, I like to think I've given my daughter something special, something that will make her stand out from the crowd when she's job hunting. But do think of yourself and not just your daughter.... my life is lonely, and work is impossible to find. I'm lucky in that I don't need to work, but I really would like to, just for the social life. It's tough leaving friends and family.... If I had the chance to turn the clock back I'm not sure I would have come!!!!

I don't know if this has helped you much - I've kind of waffled on a bit - but please don't hesitate to ask questions if it helps

Talk soon
Amanda
 
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