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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have the opportunity to move away from the U.S. making considerably more money (something I simply cannot accomplish here - caveat: don't become a public school teacher and expect to make a decent living on your own here), but I will not be able to take my kids (ages 10 and 12). I have never lived more than a two hour drive from them, which let me see them on a regular basis.

I will be able to see them during the summers, however. I am wondering if any of you have been, are currently in , or have faced such a situation. I am simply looking for some advice. I'm especially interested in how such a move may affect the relationship with my kids (other than geographical distance). Do you think they would become resentful or bitter towards me? Would the chance to be international travelers, so young, be beneficial to their growth and development?

I know that all kids are different, in that, they will respond differently to given situations. I would greatly appreciate any and all thoughts you have.

p.s. I am so happy I found this community. You all appear to be very supportive of one another. I look forward to the sage wisdom present here.

PWhite
 

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Without knowing your kids and your situation, it's hard to tell how things will turn out for you. My husband's kids were never more than half an hour away, yet their relationship kind of disintegrated, due to "disappointed expectations" on all sides. But you'd have to know all the players to understand the situation.

I don't have kids of my own, but I have been dealing with maintaining family and friendships long-distance for some time now. It takes some real effort on your part - including using all the technological wonders at your disposal. Between Skype video calls, e-mail, Facebook, and frequent trips back and forth (PITA with all the security stuff at the airports, not to mention expensive), it is possible to maintain important relationships long-distance. But doing so takes a certain level of determination and persistence on your part. It also helps if you can be real open and up front with your kids about why you're going and your determination to stay involved with them.

Factor into your budget a regular schedule of trips back - and/or trips over to see you (if the custodial parent will allow it - taking the kids out of the country can bring on a whole new level of concerns). Don't forget to budget for where you'll stay and how you'll get around while back in the US if you don't have friends or family you can lean on - and once you're resident abroad, remember that you'll probably need travel health insurance just in case something happens while you're in the US.

There is a wealth of stuff out there that can help you if you get a little bit creative with some of the resources available. But it's up to you to keep at it and make the regular contact work.
Cheers,
Bev
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I appreciate your input, Bev. Thank you very much. Yes, I understand the work that will go into maintaining the relationship and I am prepared to follow through with it all. I now have my fiance living with me after a 2 year long distance relationship. It was hard work, but worth it.

I have a handle on the financial end. I do appreciate your thoughts on travel insuance. Didn't occur to me.

There will be no trouble from the ex about taking the kids abroad. She is very understanding.

Thank you for the supportive words of encouragement, Bev!

Cheers
PWhite

Without knowing your kids and your situation, it's hard to tell how things will turn out for you. My husband's kids were never more than half an hour away, yet their relationship kind of disintegrated, due to "disappointed expectations" on all sides. But you'd have to know all the players to understand the situation.

I don't have kids of my own, but I have been dealing with maintaining family and friendships long-distance for some time now. It takes some real effort on your part - including using all the technological wonders at your disposal. Between Skype video calls, e-mail, Facebook, and frequent trips back and forth (PITA with all the security stuff at the airports, not to mention expensive), it is possible to maintain important relationships long-distance. But doing so takes a certain level of determination and persistence on your part. It also helps if you can be real open and up front with your kids about why you're going and your determination to stay involved with them.

Factor into your budget a regular schedule of trips back - and/or trips over to see you (if the custodial parent will allow it - taking the kids out of the country can bring on a whole new level of concerns). Don't forget to budget for where you'll stay and how you'll get around while back in the US if you don't have friends or family you can lean on - and once you're resident abroad, remember that you'll probably need travel health insurance just in case something happens while you're in the US.

There is a wealth of stuff out there that can help you if you get a little bit creative with some of the resources available. But it's up to you to keep at it and make the regular contact work.
Cheers,
Bev
 

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This thread is over a month old, but it interested me no end.

I am work in international education, boarding schools. I am a divorced mother, and my children's father lives in the UK, where my daughter lives.

Both my children have been educated internationally, one in the US, the other in the UK and I lived in the Middle East.

If handled well then I am on the side of the benefits that your children will gain from travel. Today's soceity enables contact via many means and many children certainly my students, and my own children have never suffered, (despite the myth that parents who send their children away to school want to palm off their children) my students and children are tri-lingual and have led interesting and fascinating lives.

Paenting is about love and will withstand any geographical distance if handled so that the children feel loved and secure. If your ex is understanding then of course you are halfway there, almost there, because if the children can see that both of you are together on this, then they will feel much more comfortable.
 

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This thread is over a month old, but it interested me no end.

I am work in international education, boarding schools. I am a divorced mother, and my children's father lives in the UK, where my daughter lives.

Both my children have been educated internationally, one in the US, the other in the UK and I lived in the Middle East.

If handled well then I am on the side of the benefits that your children will gain from travel. Today's soceity enables contact via many means and many children certainly my students, and my own children have never suffered, (despite the myth that parents who send their children away to school want to palm off their children) my students and children are tri-lingual and have led interesting and fascinating lives.

Parenting is about love and will withstand any geographical distance if handled so that the children feel loved and secure. If your ex is understanding then of course you are halfway there, almost there, because if the children can see that both of you are together on this, then they will feel much more comfortable.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
This thread is over a month old, but it interested me no end.

I am work in international education, boarding schools. I am a divorced mother, and my children's father lives in the UK, where my daughter lives.

Both my children have been educated internationally, one in the US, the other in the UK and I lived in the Middle East.

If handled well then I am on the side of the benefits that your children will gain from travel. Today's soceity enables contact via many means and many children certainly my students, and my own children have never suffered, (despite the myth that parents who send their children away to school want to palm off their children) my students and children are tri-lingual and have led interesting and fascinating lives.

Parenting is about love and will withstand any geographical distance if handled so that the children feel loved and secure. If your ex is understanding then of course you are halfway there, almost there, because if the children can see that both of you are together on this, then they will feel much more comfortable.
I really appreciate your words of encouragement. This is exactly what I was hoping to hear. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope you and your children continue to find ever greater opportunities for enrichment.
 

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Best of luck.

I really appreciate your words of encouragement. This is exactly what I was hoping to hear. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I hope you and your children continue to find ever greater opportunities for enrichment.
Hi there,

Honestly, I have been met with frowns and all manner of attacks because my children were educated away from home. I was treated as though I had given them neat vodka for breakfast. :)

However, now on their own steps to adulthood, and as an international student myself as a child with frequent visits to my father over the holidays, I would not have it any other way and I still have a close loving relationship with him, even though for a time at the age of 14, I was bewildered at the thought of leaving home. I soon got through it.

Your children may need some reassurance, let them know that you are also thinking about not being with them and that it will not be so easy for you to be without them. I certainly let mine know that it was not easy for me, because it wasn't. But with that we all learned to manage and as my dad always told me, 'Don't miss me, because I'm not going anywhere' I, in turn used those very words to my own children.

The very best of luck in whatever you decide...
 

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Leaving Family Behind

I have the opportunity to move away from the U.S. making considerably more money (something I simply cannot accomplish here - caveat: don't become a public school teacher and expect to make a decent living on your own here), but I will not be able to take my kids (ages 10 and 12). I have never lived more than a two hour drive from them, which let me see them on a regular basis.

I will be able to see them during the summers, however. I am wondering if any of you have been, are currently in , or have faced such a situation. I am simply looking for some advice. I'm especially interested in how such a move may affect the relationship with my kids (other than geographical distance). Do you think they would become resentful or bitter towards me? Would the chance to be international travelers, so young, be beneficial to their growth and development?

I know that all kids are different, in that, they will respond differently to given situations. I would greatly appreciate any and all thoughts you have.

p.s. I am so happy I found this community. You all appear to be very supportive of one another. I look forward to the sage wisdom present here.

PWhite
Hi P. White,

I grew up, went to, and finished school in North Hollywood Calif. years ago. I grew up in an intact family where both parents were home every night and spent countless years taking vacations together.

Now, I’m retired, married for the second time and have an 8 year old daughter here in the Philippines.

If you have full custody of your children, I would say bring them with you. If not and if you have a close relationship with them, I would say don’t leave them.
Could be too many custody issues arise while you are out of the country.

If you are an intact family and planning on leaving to work, again I would say don’t do it.
Living here in the Philippines I see every day families that split up because one of the marriage partners is an OFW (overseas foreign worker.)

No amount of money is worth the risk of loosing family and or a marriage. Families are meant to be TOGATHER:(
 
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