It's still an unsettled problem, one I'd never thought of having to deal with. Anyone has had this occur to them as well?

Not to me, but has happened to many. Thats why I would try to NEVER bring a Filipina wife to USA/West Europe. Most of the others depended of seem other than your situation though (Others: Use American to get green card. Or a good Filipina get bad Filipina friends in USA making her change.)
Perhaps possible solution starts? :
1. You didnt tell - What REASON does she have to want to stay in USA?
Perhaps you can use that for arguing.
And dont she miss her family?

2. Has she REALY understood how much more expensive USA is or hasnt she noticed by you just pay all?
Have you told SHE has to work full time away from home if you stay in USA?

As I suppouse you know, Filipinos dream of "western" salaries, but they dont know living costs are so much higher so BOTH parents need to have income work in most American and west European families. And very few percent of people in USA/Western Europe afford maid, while there are many in the Philippines...
I have chocked Filipinos when I told what only the heating of my house in Sweden did cost before I sold it...

 

Thats why I would try to NEVER bring a Filipina wife to USA/West Europe.

I heard this before, someone might have even suggested it to me. But I didn't listen, I thought "Oh, she would never be like that, she's different." Well, the west seems to effect all women equally...

1. You didnt tell - What REASON does she have to want to stay in USA?

Some of her reasons:

1. She wants to work.
She's 33 and besides a little bit of vocational school no real qualification so she's has no opportunities in the Philippines and in the US is going to be working entry level. She's OK with that though, but when I laid out the math for how much she'd be taking home after taxes, and then deduct child care and I'd basically be subsidizing her "experience to work" it's just not worth it. Still she doesn't care, she just wants to experience it. And it's not like she needs to work either. She wants for nothing (within reason) and we have a budget and we both have some "fun money" set aside every paycheck, it's the exact same amount for both of us.

2. Healthcare isn't good in the Philippines.
She might win on this one, I've been inside Philippine hospitals a couple of times. That being said, we could always come back to the states for anything major. Also, knock on wood, the whole family is healthy none of us even have a prescription so I'm really not that worried about it we're in our mid thirties with good health.

3. The schools aren't good there.
Our current state is one of the worst 5 in the whole country so we're going to have to do private school or move anyway. I've looked at tuition for private schools in Davao City (where er lived before.) and we can definitely afford them.

4. She doesn't want to see people and places that give her bad memories in her hometown
Fair enough, her mom left their family when she was little and her dad was disabled so she grew up dirt poor. A lot of people in her hometown made fun of her and she just has a bad taste for it. I said the Philippines is a whole country, we can pick anywhere else, any other island I don't really care that much where it is.

 

This situation is not surprising, The wife considers she has a better life in the US than in the Philippines. Many, many Philippines' women desire to move to Europe/US.
From the sounds of it, the OP sees himself as working for 30 years to pay off his mortgage, whereas he could get a property and have a 'better' lifestyle in the Philippines.
Should have had a serious conversation about where they would eventually end up; the child adds another problem to the mix.

 

Should have had a serious conversation about where they would eventually end up

Indeed we should have, however we didn't really know and I didn't really think much about it until I had a child and thought long and started thinking about where I wanted to raise them.

 

The "feel a bit used ..." sounds like you are already working on your own plans.

Would annual vacation in the US be something you can offer?

 

The "feel a bit used ..." sounds like you are already working on your own plans.

I'm hoping she'll come around maybe after a trip back home...

Would annual vacation in the US be something you can offer?

Yes that's doable for sure though. One of the benefits to being back in PH is the ability to travel in neighboring countries, we did a lot of that before COVID.

 

It sounds like you're not retired yet (you had a child )with a pension or huge savings so are you going to travel back and forth until you're eligible for a pension, if so it could work, you'll be a sacrifice just like an OFW. So how did you manage to live and travel to other countries and also live in the Philippines for 3 year's?

Who dares give you any advice now because there's a toddler in your life.

I'd get her to work and also booklets so she can study and eventually become a US citizen and when she does come to her senses you both will have Social Security if you do decide to come back or remain there, you'll probably remain there because of grandkids.

No use arguing with her anymore so I'd accept your situation as best you can, you took her there, and then hope that she doesn't find someone else, so many bad influencers or fellow Filipinos to give her advice.

Your situation is not new "feel used" it doesn't sound good and I hope you can figure this out. With that said, there are marriage's that work and many of our fellow Expats do return here and retire with their spouse.

Fellow Expats or soon to be Expats in love and contemplating marriage this is another agonizing example of why it's not a good idea to bring the wife to your homeland for a visit or more like impressing, stop doing this, it's a wasted effort and a gamble... If you want to retire to the Philippines then keep her here, remain in the Philippines.

 

So how did you manage to live and travel to other countries and also live in the Philippines for 3 year's?

I've worked remotely since 2015 and my company was OK with letting me work anywhere. Because we had a big customer in Guam, it benefited everyone with me being closer to their timezone and a shorter flight away.

I'd get her to work and also booklets so she can study and eventually become a US citizen and when she does come to her senses you both will have Social Security if you do decide to come back or remain there, you'll probably remain there because of grandkids.

I'm really hoping that when she gets to "experience" work here she'll come to her senses. We're in our mid-thirties and SS may not even exist by the time we can use it.

Fellow Expats or soon to be Expats in love and contemplating marriage this is another agonizing example of why it's not a good idea to bring the wife to your homeland for a visit or more like impressing, stop doing this, it's a wasted effort and a gamble... If you want to retire to the Philippines then keep her here, remain in the Philippines.

Yep, can agree with this one...

 

Caught between a rock and a hard place as we say. To the op I lived here for a year with my better half and boundaries and limits were set over that time, My partner came to Australia on a partnership visa for 6 years and worked for 5 of those years, saw the cost of living in a western country but it was always agreed that we would move back to PH. for my retirement as we both love the Philippines and the family here, cost of living and all the ups and downs are really no different to any other country, home is where you make it, bit like making your bed then laying in it.

Having a child changes things dramatically, the ramifications and responsibilities I have been through until my kids turned 18, always my ex wife with the hand out as well as the 2 children, we have 2 new kids here in PH. 10 weeks old and won't talk back or argue but like a child Labs sh1t everywhere.

As twostep wisely said you are already considering your options and now with a child become some what limited.
Not insurmountable, I'll give you an example:
When my ex wife and I split up she got AU 1M and I would pay AU 1,000 per month for our kids, was ratified with our solicitor and the government child care body (can't remember the exact name) but they basically had access to my earnings with the Australian taxation office and every year sent a copy to my ex wife so she knew my financial situation and after a few years tried to hit me up for more money based on my earnings, no sorry we had an agreement, no you earn more now so I want more..... To my ex wife I simply said if you want to go down this path and rebuke our agreement and base your claims on my earnings with a government body then fine, we go that way and next financial year I will go on holidays and have no earnings and you will get nada,,,,,,, she yells at me and said we had an agreement, yes I said and you want to break that to get more money,,,, get off your ass and get a job. Best thing that ever happened to me was when both kids hit 18. I still help the kids if genuine.
Have a very very serious talk to your wife OP or you will end up in the sh1t.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.

 

As twostep wisely said you are already considering your options and now with a child become some what limited.

Yeah the child does throw a wrench in a few things but I don't regret it at all.

Divorce is not really something I'm considering at this point. Given we have a kid, that's the last thing I'd want at this point. We're not miserable or fighting about anything else. Besides this one topic it's still a great relationship which is why I was just looking for some other viewpoints here.

 

Sounds like you will need to compromise.
Maybe winters in Philippines ?

I bet she does not like the cold winters in USA

 

To the O.P.

I have been in a similar situation earlier in my life (with my first Filipina wife).

My advice would be for you to split your time between the two countries. Enable her to gain U.S. Citizenship, and the advantages that will give BOTH of you, and your child.

...And of course, your wife can't be blamed for enjoying her new life in the States, just as you enjoy life in HER country.

COMPROMISE is what is needed sir (plus a dependable income for the next few decades).
Think things through, and stay calm.

 

My advice would be for you to split your time between the two countries. Enable her to gain U.S. Citizenship, and the advantages that will give BOTH of you, and your child.

Yes sir, we're definitely not going anywhere until she has citizenship. It just opens up so many doors and simplifies things for us. She'll be eligible to apply next year.

Marriage is always about compromise. We're planning a trip mid next year, maybe it will help convince her to move back (or, who knows maybe it will convince me I don't want to move back...)

 

Indecision in a big way from you our OP. Sort it out with your better half and not air laundry here where most know better, learn and grow.
Regardless at your age what is the problem with you both living in the States and building a decent future for your retirement after raising your family? Decide then when you both hit that mark, until then? You earn xyz in your profession no matter the country and your beautiful wife can earn good money in a first world country or 2 bob and a bottle of beer in the Philippines.
Perhaps as a new father and mother it's time to see reality on both sides.

OMO.

Cheers, Steve.