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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We are in the process of moving to Canada, and so we told our friends about our plans. Some were really glad that we finally made this decision (although they don’t cheer about us moving so far far away from them), but I’m having a rough time with the reaction of my 2 best friends (who our also my colleagues). They really don’t like our decision, they don’t want to understand. One of them is always looking at things very rational, and he doesn’t understand why we would like to give up a big new build house and a good salary for such an ‘adventure’ (while our son is already in 11th grade).
So they are mad at me. And it seems that, if I make a suggestion for our job, they say ‘no’ just to do opposite. They are ‘cold’ and distant in their reactions. And me, I hate this! I feel so guilty about this all… I don’t ask them to be happy that I leave, but I don’t want them to be mad at me either!

I am aware that, if you are an immigrant, you might go to different kind of ‘stages’ during the process of getting used to your new country (culture shock and things like that).
Is there something similar where your friends can go through? Different kind of stages starting when you announce you are leaving, until they (hopefully) accept your decision?
I would like to know, because maybe than I can learn how to cope with it, but even more important: how to react to them, and help them going through this all.
Anybody who knows? Are there books written about this, or websites?

(Excuse me for my English, I’m not yet used to write in that language)

53,881 Posts
Boy, if there is a book about this, I'd love to find it!

The fact of the matter is that, when you move a long distance, you find out that your friendships are going to change. (Or as a long-ago friend of mine used to say "absence makes the heart go wander.")

I think people in the US and Canada are more used to changes that come from friends moving all the time. Europeans don't make big moves as much - certainly not for job and career reasons, and in many places in Europe, most folks expect to grow up, marry, raise a family and die within a few kilometers of where they were born and where most of their family lives. There are some huge advantages to this.

But I know I find it bizarre here in France that some folks feel that you can never be really close friends with someone unless you grew up together. Americans learn quickly how to make friends no matter where they are, simply because so many Americans move frequently and simply have to make those kinds of adjustments. Europeans feel that Americans' "friendships" are superficial.

It's really too bad that your 2 friends can't just be happy for you and let go, but they apparently can't. You can do your best after you move to try and stay in touch, but all your friendships with the folks back home will change to some degree. It sounds like these two people are just the most resistant to change of your circle of friends at the moment. You can't really change them, but sometimes people come around all on their own once you're gone. Keep sending them the occasional e-mail and give them a chance to stay in touch.
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