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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
As an HR Manager, I trawl through many job applications every day and end up deleting about 95% of them within 10 seconds. Since there are a lot of job seekers on this board, I thought I'd share some tips on how to get your CV deleted in 10 seconds or less.

1. Apply for "any suitable post." The recipient, faced with the prospect of reading all 7 pages of your CV to learn about your background and what post might be "suitable," will almost certainly hit the delete button instead.

2. Apply for postings for which you have none of the required qualifications. You've stated on your CV that you're a quick learner, so surely they'll pick you over the other applicant with the correct degree and 10 years of experience.

3. Don't bother checking the company's website to find the name of the HR Manager. Just assume it's a man and address your cover letter "Dear Sir".

4. If you're pressed for time, don't bother sending individual emails. Just CC every single company in Dubai.

5. Send a blank email with no subject line and attach your CV titled "copy of copy of cv (1)(1)(1)".

6. Make sure your cover letter explains how badly you need a job but let your qualifications and experience remain a mystery.

7. On your CV, use at least 3 different fonts at 4 different sizes. Get creative with bold, underlining, italics, and COLOUR! Also, make sure to indent every bullet differently.

8. Spelling, punctuation and grammar are irrelevant, so don't waste your time proofreading.

9. Photocopy your CV on your 17-year-old photocopier, fold it a few times, spill your coffee on it, and then drop it off in person.

10. Walk into the HR Manager's office without an appointment, sit down, and explain that you want a job. When the HR Manager tells you that there are no vacancies, tell her she's wrong and you know that there are. Keep on arguing for several minutes, drop your CV on her desk, and storm out.

I hope this helps! Best of luck in your search :)
 

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I had someone come in cold after a job.

When I said we'd no vacancies, as offer letters had gone out, but I could potentially interview her in ten days if there was no movement, she started telling me VERY loudly that she'd "been in Dubai three times looking for work and STILL hadn't got a job" and "did I think that was fair?"

I considered explaining to her that maybe her attitude was the problem, but thought better of it.

Then she started demanding my mobile number to check on her 'application' as it was "the least I could do."

She didn't get a job. The loon.
 

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Want to have your CV deleted? Send it to me.

My linkedin profile says I'm a responsible for managing the deployment of client-facing employees, so I get job seekers sending me their CVs when I have no part in recruitment beyond signing-off on the business case and need for recruitment.

If they don't sound like a total idiot, I refer them to our external recruitment portal.
 

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Want to have your CV deleted? Send it to me.

My linkedin profile says I'm a responsible for managing the deployment of client-facing employees, so I get job seekers sending me their CVs when I have no part in recruitment beyond signing-off on the business case and need for recruitment.

If they don't sound like a total idiot, I refer them to our external recruitment portal.
Speak of the devil, two have just arrived in my inbox.

 

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I can't think of many companies that have the HR Manager listed on their website, usually it's Board of Directors and Executive Management only.

Then again, I can't think of many companies that has their HR Manager sifting through piles of CV's, that's usually a more junior role within the HR department.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I can't think of many companies that have the HR Manager listed on their website, usually it's Board of Directors and Executive Management only.

Then again, I can't think of many companies that has their HR Manager sifting through piles of CV's, that's usually a more junior role within the HR department.
Ah, but it's a small company. I may not be anyone's manager, but I'm the only HR person so that makes me the HR manager :)
 

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Ah, but it's a small company. I may not be anyone's manager, but I'm the only HR person so that makes me the HR manager :)
Wot no Talent Acquisition specialist? Bring back the good old personnel department :D
 

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wonderful post, seriously...I used to work in the HR, and had so many like what you have described, what used to get my attention was the picture attached to the CV so I would add that if you add a boring outdated photo of yourself looking like "wanted" will not get the viewer impressed.
ehmmm,, girlie opinion..
 

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going to use the font trick..hope it does the magic
I thought he meant that if you do that, you will get your CV deleted in 9 or 10 seconds :D

I'm not sure.

wonderful post, seriously...I used to work in the HR, and had so many like what you have described, what used to get my attention was the picture attached to the CV so I would add that if you add a boring outdated photo of yourself looking like "wanted" will not get the viewer impressed.
ehmmm,, girlie opinion..
I look like a wanted person, how do you suggest me taking a picture.. :attention: perhaps a selfie will do the job :rolleyes:
 

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Adding too much personal information -because I really care about your hobbies and interests especially the fact that you enjoy watching movies, dancing, cooking, swimming and eating popcorn.

Samantja - just make sure you don't do what's in the original post and you should be fine :)
 

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Adding too much personal information -because I really care about your hobbies and interests especially the fact that you enjoy watching movies, dancing, cooking, swimming and eating popcorn.
Yeah, you nailed it! Also any good CV has to contain the very important experience

"babysitting my nephew for 9 months" :D
 

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I got one application for a waitress including:

Personal Interests
...........I'm also mummy to three lovely cats (miaow)


It was so mental I got her in and she was wonderful :)
 

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I got one application for a waitress including:

Personal Interests
...........I'm also mummy to three lovely cats (miaow)


It was so mental I got her in and she was wonderful :)
hahahahahahahahahahah!!!! I love it when people make me laugh, they make my day and you just did. MEOW!!:D:D:D

was she accepted??
 

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I'd prefer that someone goes to the effort of sending in a CV than the current trend that on LinkedIn. A lot of people seem to think we should read their profile and offer positions that would suit. Has anyone ever got a job this way?
 
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