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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
ummm

ok but I was asking if there is someone to hang out with............ My husband is in jail and I need some moral support
 

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I am very sorry to hear about your troubles. I want to hear it turned out for the best. At least you are going to be in a safe place.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
actually I am going tonight. My husband is originally from Mexico so he somewhat knows the system and speaks Spanish so communication is not an issue. Also, my brother in law in Los Angeles has a few connections so he is trying to cut a deal......I am going for moral support and the legwork that bro in law deals me to do. I will be happy to have him out, then I will strangle him (Kidding - I don't want to end up there either)
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thx

Gary - thanks so much for the support. It's funny how crisis can either bring a family close or make people angry. My husband and I have a huge extended family in Colima, but nobody seems to want to help, except our 24 year old nephew who is getting weary and he is getting angry at me. We have a empty family home that anyone from the states can stay in, and he says I cannot stay there alone (c'mon, I am 57 years old and have traveled the world). Also, I have a former ESL student in MX who offered to come to keep me company (25 years old and feels grateful to me). My nephew said that he cannot stay in the house with me. It may look fishy to them, but he is a kid my son's age and I feel like he is my son too! See how family can get with hard times? They treat me like I am dumb.
 

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You are, perhaps, crossing some cultural boundaries which should not be breached. You may find that you could be deprived of the use of the house, social interaction, or worse. Remember, you are, and always will be the outsider. If the family is very traditional, you will be expected to do as they indicate and to respect the wishes, even dictates, of the male family members, in particular. Yes, a different world that you are about to enter. Tread carefully.
 

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I do not think she is looked at as an outsider at all. The OP is one of the women in the family and in Latin cultures, including mine, female do not stay alone with a male no matter what the age difference is.
The family would not want one of theirs to be the butt of gossips as it would reflect on them. Unfortunately for her she is looked at as one of the family members which can be nice but also very restrictive.
You will not see me moving close to my exended family, I cherish my freedom way too much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
I totally get what you are saying. But I have known these people for 25 years having gone to MX hundreds of times. The family house is owned by my brother in LA, who is a US citizen in the states for 50 years and he said ok for the house since we always stay there (in fact it is filled with our stuff because we are moving there in March). My student has visited us many times and knows my husband, in fact, when he visited, he was introduced to the family as much student. I think that I have been accepted and embraced by the family, and I am always culturally sensitive and respectful.

I am a strong, independent woman and I do not want to report to a 24 year old. I can't stop being who I am. I speak fluent Spanish and can navigate traveling since I have been there so much that it is very familiar.

I am taking direction from my bro in law and my husband. My bro in law is calling the shots and I will communicate with him. I respect him very much. I don't know if these facts make a difference.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
thanks for that. My husband is from a very small town in Colima and gossip is rampant. We will not be living there but in the big city if Colima. They annoy my husband too. So no for my student? They don't want me to be alone, so I have a friend and they don't like that either.

And what is the problem staying alone? I have travel alone many times. I know how to be safe, plus, I will always keep the doors locked. Like you, I want my freedom. I will visit with them in the day, but I want to be alone at night
 

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I get the same flack in Chiapas from my indigenous friends and neighbors who cannot believe that I come alone without my husband. I always tell them that Ilike being alone because I can eat when I want to do not have to do anything for my husband and they laugh , sometimes they stay with me because they feel sorry for me.
When I go to Oaxaca I get the same thing. I am given a house and two or three kids to sleep with me as it is not right for a woman to be alone . At 6 am my friend´mother in law knocks at the door to make sure I will be ready to leave at 8am to go to the market with her and that I will be back with her cooking breakfast for the men by 9.
I usually cook an the women watch ready to pounce if I make a mistake. They were very relieved when they saw me wash the chicken. They told me they could not believe that some American women who cooked for them did not wash the chicken so they decided we all some dirty habits and they had better watch us.
If I wash clothes they come by with some excuse to check out if the clothes are properly washed and so on...Funny when on vacations and when you can escape it but not so funny if you live with it day in and day out,

I think your family will eventually get used to the fact that you want to be left alone, you will get criticized for it but they will eventually shrug it off..

If you could have some of the fammily kids or a teenage girl stay with you , you would make them feel better.
As far as a young man or any man..no a good idea- Borrow kids and sleep with them if a male friend stay there and that maybe ok.
Good luck!
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Ok I will not have my 24 year old student help me....

I want to just say F it and stay in a hotel. How would it be to say that I want to stay in the town where the jail is (about 30 minutes from my husband's town is?) I can use the excuse that I want to be near it. Otherwise my nephew has to drive me back and forth everyday for 2 visits a day or I take the local bus 2 x a day. I can visit to the town sometimes -----do you think that this is ok? I just want to be left alone to write, read and watch movies.

I look at it this way ------ if they (or anyone for that matter) came to the US for a visit, I would expect that they do things their cultural way and who am I to judge? If I want to be alone, so be it. It is not an meant as an insult, and this does not mean I ignore them - I will visit them. I also brought them lots of US stuff for each family and their kids (chocolate, sun flower seeds, ink for my nephews printer since he printed out emails notes to my husband. My point is, I interact with them. I feel like just staying in a hotel --- if they think it is weird - then ok. Maybe I will meet a female friend too.
 

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Your best solution is a female friend no doubt. Staying in a hotel close to the jail is not a bad solution since you are doing it to be close to your husband and frankly at this point I would do what I feel like as long as you do not break the tabou of having a male around.
They probably will think that staying in a hotel is wasteful when you could be driven there but sometimes you need to put your foot down.
 

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I am reminded of the need for a certain government agency to get a certain tribal group out of a certain country. These folks were quickly installed in an apartment building in a certain southern state, where they immediately settled into their cultural ways; washing in the toilet, and starting the cooking fire in the center of the living room floor. Some things are hard to change and most of us do not live the two or three generations for the changes to happen.
 

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Funny the same thing happened in Paris and in the south of France when they installed North African from the Mahgreb in high rises back in the 50´s.
 
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