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5 Posts
Hello
I don't actually live in France myself, but my parents purchased a holiday/retirement home over there in 1988 and, over the years, gradually spent more and more of their time there. Two years ago they decided to move to Pontivy and make the move permanent - renting out their UK property as an additional income source.
All well and good ... albeit that their grandchildren missed them, Mum and Dad were enjoying their retirement. However at 69 and 79 respectively and both with chronic, if not life threatening, health problems, their children inevitably worried about them (there are 4 of us - 2 being the natural children of my Mother and 3 being my Step-Father's natural issue). As a Funeral Director here in the UK I was especially concerned about what would happen when the inevitability of death reared it's head, and I tried repeatedly to persuade them to make arrangements, or at least to make their wishes known (not via myself I hasten to add!!), but I always met with a brick wall of denial.
Two weeks ago the inevitable happened - my Mother died suddenly and completely unexpectedly from a massive stroke - leaving our Father bereft, isolated and totally ill equipped to deal with the realities and complexities of the French beaurocracy that surrounds death in France - to say nothing of the realities of the French Inheritance Laws!
Conversational French rarely covers such essentials as 'when will the coffin be closed' or 'my daughter would like to lay out my wife herself' - let alone the nightmare of arranging full repatriation. Crematoriums are few and far between, French Funeral Directors generally speak about as much English as English Funeral Directors do French (quite understandably), Anglican Ministers are rarer than hen's teeth and French law requires disposal of the body within 6 working days
So ... all 4 UK based children had to abandon their jobs and children to rush over to rural west France (at vast personal expense) in order to support Dad, make arrangements as best we could and try to sort out the legal mess that exists despite Mum having both French and English wills.... the funeral service was bizaare to say the least and at times the whole experience was so farcical that hysterical laughter was our only option!
I'm guessing that it will continue in the same vein for many, many months if not years to come, and that there are many more trips to be made and legal hoops to jump through for all of us before we can try to move forward, or get the house safely sold and Dad back here where we can keep an eye on him and KNOW he is safe and well.
Despite the obvious grief, all 4 of us siblings also feel an overwhelming anger at having been put into an impossible position ... which is really why I'm posting on here today.
Please, Please, I beg you - make sure that you have made full funeral arrangements (preferably detailed and pre-paid); that these are available to your family in both French and English; that you have a contingency fund set aside to pay for your next of kin to reach you in an emergency (children almost always do not let their parents know how tight their financial situations really are); that your children have already signed away their inheritance to your partner if that is your wish; that you have a full French will and that you completely understand the full implications of choosing to live away from your home country for both yourselves and your families.
Thanks for letting me vent ... I hope I've given you some food for thought and discussion
I don't actually live in France myself, but my parents purchased a holiday/retirement home over there in 1988 and, over the years, gradually spent more and more of their time there. Two years ago they decided to move to Pontivy and make the move permanent - renting out their UK property as an additional income source.
All well and good ... albeit that their grandchildren missed them, Mum and Dad were enjoying their retirement. However at 69 and 79 respectively and both with chronic, if not life threatening, health problems, their children inevitably worried about them (there are 4 of us - 2 being the natural children of my Mother and 3 being my Step-Father's natural issue). As a Funeral Director here in the UK I was especially concerned about what would happen when the inevitability of death reared it's head, and I tried repeatedly to persuade them to make arrangements, or at least to make their wishes known (not via myself I hasten to add!!), but I always met with a brick wall of denial.
Two weeks ago the inevitable happened - my Mother died suddenly and completely unexpectedly from a massive stroke - leaving our Father bereft, isolated and totally ill equipped to deal with the realities and complexities of the French beaurocracy that surrounds death in France - to say nothing of the realities of the French Inheritance Laws!
Conversational French rarely covers such essentials as 'when will the coffin be closed' or 'my daughter would like to lay out my wife herself' - let alone the nightmare of arranging full repatriation. Crematoriums are few and far between, French Funeral Directors generally speak about as much English as English Funeral Directors do French (quite understandably), Anglican Ministers are rarer than hen's teeth and French law requires disposal of the body within 6 working days
So ... all 4 UK based children had to abandon their jobs and children to rush over to rural west France (at vast personal expense) in order to support Dad, make arrangements as best we could and try to sort out the legal mess that exists despite Mum having both French and English wills.... the funeral service was bizaare to say the least and at times the whole experience was so farcical that hysterical laughter was our only option!
I'm guessing that it will continue in the same vein for many, many months if not years to come, and that there are many more trips to be made and legal hoops to jump through for all of us before we can try to move forward, or get the house safely sold and Dad back here where we can keep an eye on him and KNOW he is safe and well.
Despite the obvious grief, all 4 of us siblings also feel an overwhelming anger at having been put into an impossible position ... which is really why I'm posting on here today.
Please, Please, I beg you - make sure that you have made full funeral arrangements (preferably detailed and pre-paid); that these are available to your family in both French and English; that you have a contingency fund set aside to pay for your next of kin to reach you in an emergency (children almost always do not let their parents know how tight their financial situations really are); that your children have already signed away their inheritance to your partner if that is your wish; that you have a full French will and that you completely understand the full implications of choosing to live away from your home country for both yourselves and your families.
Thanks for letting me vent ... I hope I've given you some food for thought and discussion