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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I would like to know what other men have found if they have had experience just wanting to date a Thai woman rather than having a view to marriage?
Are some of them okay with that or do they all have an agenda for something more?
How is it different to dating a western woman?
Thanks for your time : )
 

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Honestly Thai women [to me] don't seem any different than Western women. Some really want to get married ASAP, while others don't. What really makes the difference [as with Western women] is their age. The older they are [up to a point], the more important marriage becomes. [And all the associated things like kids etc]. After 30 their biological clock will be ticking loudly...
 

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I think a lot of it depends on what part of Thailand you are living. The North, for example, is very much more traditional than BKK or the large tourist areas, like Phuket or Pattaya. You could date a Thai lady in (say) Chiang Mai, but if things go well, don't expect to "shack up" together, until after marriage. Not saying it can't happen, but......On more than one occasion, I have been admonished for innocently sending a "kiss good-bye" in an e-mail to a Thai lady from the north

There also seems to be a social stigma in Thailand, where single women are concerned. It's a bad thing to not have a husband. So some Thai women are eager to get married ASAP. I think this is more true in the older women.....don't know how old you are.

Infidelity is rampant in Thailand.....and now the women are getting in on the scene, but not nearly as bad as the men. A great majority of the single (divorced) women I have met, are so because their husbands cheated on them, openly and repeatedly. So if you go out to a 7-11 for some beer and it takes a little longer than your girlfriend thinks it should,.....then don't be surprised if she thinks you were at least talking to another girl. This is a bit of an extreme, but it is something that I don't like, because I am completely monogamous and would not cheat on my girlfriend/wife, but I don't like the suspicion/jealousy (whatever you want to call it) should I have to speak to another person of the female persuasion.

No matter what, you're going to start out dating anyway, so you can discuss the situation among yourselves. Other than that, as BKKJames has said, dating is much the same in Thailand as it is in the West. I think Thai women are more easily pleased than Western women....dinner and a movie are fine, as is a weekly trip to a night market. You got to play it by ear.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for these replies
I hadn't though about the differences in geographical areas of Thailand but I guess that's true of most countries.
I have been considering The Philippines but i'm leaning more towards Thailand now.
It's interesting regarding the cultural differences but I guess they are less now than years ago as we become more of a "Global Village"
 

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In any western country. if a woman had to choose between identical twins, one with wealth, the other not so much, she'll always take the one with wealth. Money is always a determining factor. Thailand is really no different. But ...
In Thailand, it's all about what you can provide to her Thai family - grand parents, parents, children, siblings, etc. She will take good care of you as long as you take good care of them. This can become quite expensive. It's not unusual for the western husband/boyfriend to pay β20k-100k per month to her.
It's really no different in western women in western countries. But, western women are more likely to cheat because there's a large pool of potential replacements. The pool is much smaller, so as long as you pay, and the amount increases periodically, she'll probably be a good, faithful partner.
WARNING: If you buy any property - land, house, or building - your loving partner will own 51% by Thai law. That means she can change the locks and kick you out at any time. If it's valuable, it could be motivation to dump you and find another o start he process over again. Remember, her Thai family always, always, comes first. You come second only because you are a generous ATM.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thai Big Foot:

Wow, that's a big disincentive to anyone thinking of a Thai woman.

So with that in mind what would be the best way to have any kind of relationships with Thai women as what you say sounds very black and white , is there some middle ground such as more casual dating without the long term relationship ATM option?
 

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Thai Big Foot:

Wow, that's a big disincentive to anyone thinking of a Thai woman.

So with that in mind what would be the best way to have any kind of relationships with Thai women as what you say sounds very black and white , is there some middle ground such as more casual dating without the long term relationship ATM option?
Thai women are really no different than western women. They want financial security in any relationship. Thais are just more honest about it.

Unfortunately, men (myself included!) are slower learners who aren't very bright. I've had two Thai girl friends. Each lasted almost a year.

The first, in 2011, started great. I paid he β15,000 per month. After 6 months, she started wanting more. It went up to β20k. That was my maximum. After 4 more months, she started hanging out with her friends at Beer Bars and coming home after 2am. She was looking for a replacement.

The second, in 2015, also started great. I paid her β12k. Again, after six months, things deteriorated. While she didn't go out, she stop providing me with the benefits I wanted - cleaning, cooking, therapy:)kiss:). Wanted more money. I knew where this was headed so we split.

Certainly, there are some relationships that aren't all about the money. But, for almost all it is the money.

Still fun while it lasts, though!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thai Big Foot:

I am amazed by what you say as I have never heard of anything that's so organised as that ,it's more like a job than a relationship ,the way we think of relationships in the west.
So i'm assuming this is a typical relationship? is this true for the traditional relationship with the locals or just the foreigners I wonder?
 

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Thai Big Foot:

Wow, that's a big disincentive to anyone thinking of a Thai woman.

So with that in mind what would be the best way to have any kind of relationships with Thai women as what you say sounds very black and white , is there some middle ground such as more casual dating without the long term relationship ATM option?
In my opinion Big Foot was spot on with that observation and a big reason I have a finance' again is because all of her parents and grandparents are dead and for 3 years I've never seen her give money to the brothers and sisters (they are older and established).

Of course there are exceptions to the rules, a friends dates a girl who works at a local telecom provider. He doesn't support her but still gave her money for a condo.
 

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Thai Big Foot:

I am amazed by what you say as I have never heard of anything that's so organised as that ,it's more like a job than a relationship ,the way we think of relationships in the west.
So i'm assuming this is a typical relationship? is this true for the traditional relationship with the locals or just the foreigners I wonder?
Yes, this is the reality of a farang man/Thai woman in maybe 95% of the cases. XDoodle****** is going about the best way possible. He mentions how his friend doesn't support his girlfriend, either. But, buying her a condo that could easily run in excess of β500,000 sure as hell supports him. Plus, if they live together, I suspect he pays all the expenses.

Thai girls usually marry a Thai man the first time when they're under 25. they have a kid or two with him. She's under family pressure to get married and have kids. It usually goes sour when the Thai man starts drinking heavily, maybe beats her or finds a girlfriend. He doesn't make enough money to support their family, let alone give money to his parents or in-laws. Supporting everyone else is expected. The wife gets tired of the abuse, neglect, adultery and abject poverty and leaves taking the children. She then goes looking for a farang/ATM, leaving her kids with her relatives. Many times, the husband leaves because he's tired of her nagging him about everything, and, he probably has a younger girlfriend.

These Thai divorcee's will never marry a Thai man again. Now, they're in it for the money.

These women will take wonderful care of their farang as long as he meets her financial expectation. They will take better care of him than, practically, any western woman would. Thai women are raised to take care of their man. Western women are raised to believe the man has to take care of her. Money plays a huge part for both. The Thais are just more honest about it.

We men aren't too bright when it comes to love. We're perfect for the Thai woman because they do treat us at a level we've never experienced. So we men fall in love. But, for her, it's all about the money. As long as she gets enough, she will "love" you.

Like all of us, you'll fall in love. When warned, you'll tell your friends "She's not like all the others. She's different. She's wonderful." No she isn't, Mark.

Good luck.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for all the well considered responses here.

I really didn't have any idea about this culture before and it's good to get an education ahead of time as I agree "Love is blind" as the old saying goes and we're prone to thinking that our situation is unique when it's not.

I guess the reason many western men end up doing that is because they don't really know what's going on.

So I would imagine that Philippino women are much the same?

With that in mind then maybe the best way forward would be to retire there but not get into a relationship with a local woman and with that in mind it would be good to know which areas have the largest expat communities and what is the best way to connect with and make friends and network with other expats before going and after arriving either in Thailand or Philippines?

Thanks
 

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I really didn't have any idea about this culture before and it's good to get an education ahead of time as I agree "Love is blind" as the old saying goes and we're prone to thinking that our situation is unique when it's not.

I guess the reason many western men end up doing that is because they don't really know what's going on.

So I would imagine that Philippino women are much the same?

With that in mind then maybe the best way forward would be to retire there but not get into a relationship with a local woman and with that in mind it would be good to know which areas have the largest expat communities and what is the best way to connect with and make friends and network with other expats before going and after arriving either in Thailand or Philippines?

Thanks[/QUOTE]

I have no workable knowledge about Filipino women. I suspect you'll get a response from the moderator who, I think, lives there.

Many English speaking expats in Bangkok (huge, crowded), Chang Mai (no beach), Phuket and Pattaya (both have everything). It’s easy to meet them. Just go to the places they congregate at. Here’s another note of caution, though.

I came here at 61 to retire because I wanted to have an adventure (which is certainly the case) and live a good life at much less cost. What I’ve learned is that people who come to live here for a long time aren’t what they seem. Retired or not, they’re here because they’re leaving their home country because of problems there. Things such as bad marriages/divorces, bad business or financial situations, or even running from local authorities.

My first friend here was a neighbor who was a retired cop from Australia. Nice, quiet, not crazy, and my age. I found out that he was involved in the largest child porn case, ever, in Australia. He was the inside police guy for a major child porn ring!

Most long term residents stretch the truth of the background. Heck, if things were so good at home, why leave? Most guys who legitimately retire here are fine. Just be careful.

English is the 3rd language here after Issan Thai up north and Bangkok Thai around Bangkok. They aren’t the same. A language school will teach Bangkok Thai. You’ll learn Issan Thai from those you associate with. Issan ladies go to expat heavy areas because there’s little chance of meeting a farang/ATM or make a reasonable living in Issan, which is the rural area north of Bangkok. Since most bar girls are from Issan, you’ll learn from them.

I didn't mean to sour you on a relationship. They are fun! It's wonderful, as an old guy, to be able to have a younger, beautiful woman at your side. That would never happen in a western country without costing a whole lot more.

My warning is about going in with your eyes open. Just don't think with the wrong head and allow yourself to get ripped off.

My years have been great here. While there are some downs, there are many more ups. Don’t be naïve.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Thai Bigfoot:

That's true any group of people [Expats] will have common traits generally speaking so I hadn't thought of that angle for this group. They are certainly more adventurous,that's true.

That's true , you wouldn't stand much of a chance of meeting someone 20 years younger in your own country unless you had something special to offer.

I was speaking to a Thai friend today and she said that 99% of women there are interested in the money angle from a westerner but said that she was in the 1% that are not like that ,she seems really genuine!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thai Bigfoot:

That's true any group of people [Expats] will have common traits generally speaking so I hadn't thought of that angle for this group. They are certainly more adventurous,that's true.

That's true , you wouldn't stand much of a chance of meeting someone 20 years younger in your own country unless you had something special to offer.

I was speaking to a Thai friend today and she said that 99% of women there are interested in the money angle from a westerner but said that she was in the 1% that are not like that ,she seems really genuine!
 

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Thai Bigfoot:

That's true any group of people [Expats] will have common traits generally speaking so I hadn't thought of that angle for this group. They are certainly more adventurous,that's true.

That's true , you wouldn't stand much of a chance of meeting someone 20 years younger in your own country unless you had something special to offer.

I was speaking to a Thai friend today and she said that 99% of women there are interested in the money angle from a westerner but said that she was in the 1% that are not like that ,she seems really genuine!
Careful Mark.
Every western who has a Thai wife/girlfriend tells their friends that "she's different from all the others."
Yes, sure she is.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
She's just a friend in Australia so it's no big deal.

I'm surprised at how many Americans are in Thailand as you guys have a lot of closer options with Central America and The Caribbean so that's a good recommendation for Thailand!
 

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She's just a friend in Australia so it's no big deal.

I'm surprised at how many Americans are in Thailand as you guys have a lot of closer options with Central America and The Caribbean so that's a good recommendation for Thailand!
I came to Thailand the first time in 1984 and fell in love with it, I've since traveled in Argentina, Brazil, Columbia, Peru and Panama as well as Mexico and the Caribbean. There is no other place on earth like Thailand in my opinion. Philippines (and cheaper but my last visit has been a while) can be fun but never really felt as safe there as I do in Thailand.
 

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Hi I am Thai girl who see this topic by accidentally search...
It's interesting question and also interesting replies...
Because it's public forum so let me tell my opinion...

People in every society/every country are always different.

I am not sure where is who replied you meet their girlfriends..but in my social..rarely have the girls are as they said.

But I don't refuse that still have many some thai girls need financial supports....

If the girl, who you would like to be in relationships with. She is educated and have a fair job. I think she should be able to take good care her family and herself...as generally lifestyle in the world.
(don't get me wrong I don't mean that who is not educated can not support)


Let's me tell My case,

I was in relationship with AMERICAN GUY for 2 years. He is my first boyfriend. (I knew him when I was 27 years old and he was 38 years old) now I am 30.

I am educated and I have a job as employee.

But my parent and relatives never asked me for financial support.

And I never asked him for money also because I can take care myself, also I bought 1 bedroom condominium for my living from my money(actually I should say bank's money from loan ? )

But after 1 year that we were in relationship...he was getting asked me for money
Start from borrow me for rental room fee, borrow me the airplane ticket..yes I give him because I trust boyfriend and girlfriend should help each other

But after that...about 1 and half year....he getting ask me for big amounts...3 million bath which he said he need them for build our future...

that time my instincts turn on...I planned to give him a part of that amount if he can give me the plan of it..the plan which I must agree...but he give me nothing.

So i choose to believe my instinct by don't give him the money as he want. And tell him I have no money.

After that we always have nonsense problems...

And then we separated because he said that I don't want to build the future with him (but I guess because I don't give money big amounts) and I cheated on him(which I don't)
I break up despite I am still love him so far because I am not sure how about he.


But the money that he got from me is about 100,000 THB

So I think, no matter Thai or farang or any nationality else

If you would like to marrywith someone. Believe in your instincts that she love you not your money...except you are acceptable.

PS today is his birthday so he is 41 years old now. I don't know how he are because we do not contact anymore.
 

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Hi I am Thai girl who see this topic by accidentally search...
It's interesting question and also interesting replies...
Because it's public forum so let me tell my opinion...

People in every society/every country are always different.

I am not sure where is who replied you meet their girlfriends..but in my social..rarely have the girls are as they said.

But I don't refuse that still have many some thai girls need financial supports....

If the girl, who you would like to be in relationships with. She is educated and have a fair job. I think she should be able to take good care her family and herself...as generally lifestyle in the world.
(don't get me wrong I don't mean that who is not educated can not support)


Let's me tell My case,

I was in relationship with AMERICAN GUY for 2 years. He is my first boyfriend. (I knew him when I was 27 years old and he was 38 years old) now I am 30.

I am educated and I have a job as employee.

But my parent and relatives never asked me for financial support.

And I never asked him for money also because I can take care myself, also I bought 1 bedroom condominium for my living from my money(actually I should say bank's money from loan ? )

But after 1 year that we were in relationship...he was getting asked me for money
Start from borrow me for rental room fee, borrow me the airplane ticket..yes I give him because I trust boyfriend and girlfriend should help each other

But after that...about 1 and half year....he getting ask me for big amounts...3 million bath which he said he need them for build our future...

that time my instincts turn on...I planned to give him a part of that amount if he can give me the plan of it..the plan which I must agree...but he give me nothing.

So i choose to believe my instinct by don't give him the money as he want. And tell him I have no money.

After that we always have nonsense problems...

And then we separated because he said that I don't want to build the future with him (but I guess because I don't give money big amounts) and I cheated on him(which I don't)
I break up despite I am still love him so far because I am not sure how about he.


But the money that he got from me is about 100,000 THB

So I think, no matter Thai or farang or any nationality else

If you would like to marrywith someone. Believe in your instincts that she love you not your money...except you are acceptable.

PS today is his birthday so he is 41 years old now. I don't know how he are because we do not contact anymore.
Greetings Sodayen and welcome to the forum.

Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts. My personal opinion is that marriage is always the best choice and has the best chance for a couple to stay together for life. Even so, there is always risks in trying to make the relationship work or last.

From what you are saying you thought you were making a choice for a companion and found out you were being badly used. Terrible thing because marriage does require total trust and commitment. At the same time, it is better that you found out before you got married than afterwards where children may have been involved and caught in the middle.

Finding the right person and building a relationship that leads to marriage is difficult to begin with and much more so when it is a long-distance romance and a foreign national from a different culture as well. Although it hurts terribly for a time, this failed relationship serves a life lesson of the type of person that you do not want for a husband.
Don't give up on life and love. Use what you have learned wisely and when ready eventually try again and you will find the right one for you.



Very Best In Life To You and keep us posted on how things are going.



Regards

Asian Spirit
 
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