Expat Forum For People Moving Overseas And Living Abroad banner

1 - 13 of 13 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,235 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
An Aussie friend sent me the following since he knows I'm getting citizenship next week.


And the following is allegedly from a Tourism website - okay it may be what they would like to say but I don't think that they actually would!
Aren't we lucky to have such good moderators on this forum!
Okay I may be biased! :D

Q:
Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q:
Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:
I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:
Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q:
Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA )
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


Q:
Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q:
Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

Q:
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, theVienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q:
Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:
Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:
Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from..
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:
I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:
I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:
Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q:
Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Regards,
Karen

 
  • Like
Reactions: benjiross

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,429 Posts
hehehehehe.. I cant stop giggling..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,429 Posts
hahaha i seriously cant stop laughing.. what is this and where did u find it?? hehehe
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,235 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
hahaha i seriously cant stop laughing.. what is this and where did u find it?? hehehe
I don't know where it came from originally but like I said I was sent it in an email by an Aussie friend. It's actually the friend that is helping arrange my citizenship ceremony :) Kind of worrying really :D

Regards,
Karen
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
541 Posts
kaz.....
THere are all these things avaliable.
But the Angry natives are wrongly marked.
As they are commonly seen in Melbourne
.........................................................................................................................
Applied Visa 175 April 2008 (Paper visa MODL, CSL ,)
Got CO and Medicals July 2009
MEDICALS and PCC finalized July 30th 2009
Job Verification November 10th 2009
175 VISA GRANDED 22nd December 2009
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
103 Posts
That's a good one!
Now I really need to come to Australia ASAP.

Just a quick query. Will I need protection from the Drop Bears as soon as I land in Australia? If yes should I take the mentioned precaution/repellant before I board my plane? How do I handle the situation if co-passengers or flight staff object? Will a printout of this thread suffice? (And does it need to be attested?)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,235 Posts
Discussion Starter #10

·
Registered
Joined
·
142 Posts
Thanks for the laugh, all the best for the ceremony. When it comes to mine I swear I'm wearing a hat with corks around the brim.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,235 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
Update: Hippo racing replaced

I've been reliably informed that the Hippo racing has been replaced with crocodile wrangling so that if you win you get a free pair of shoes and a handbag :)
 
1 - 13 of 13 Posts
Top