[davecryptian]

My wife broke the news to her family today that we're likely to be moving to Australia on a 457, they knew it was a possibility but today it was confirmed as a strong chance we're going... It didnt go down too well at all and I unfortunately am being blamed for it coming about.

I did instigate the opportunity but I wasn't alone in thinking it could be a fantastic opportunity for us.

Any tips on how we can try to turn the ship round and explain that Oz is only 24 hours from home and worst comes to worst... We get a flight...? I hate to see my wife being piggy in the middle of a great opportunity vs a family not used to travelling more than 4 hours for holiday.

Thanks!

 

[tarlyn]

Since my wife was from Australia and I had lived there for a year previously we had always told my US parents that our long term goal was to move back to Australia so mine always knew it was something that could happen. When we made the decision and applied for my PR visa we broke the news that we would be leaving in July and while they were not exactly pleased as they lose a son and 3 grandchildren they understood that it was a very good opportunity for the quality of life for our family and our children's families down the line.

They have accepted it pretty well but you can tell that they are very upset that they wont be able to see us in person very much anymore.

Some things we did to help alleviate things is to set them up with Skype...bought them a web cam and showed them how good a video chat can be so that they can still see and talk to the grand kids whenever they wanted. Also set-up a place where we can post all our photos that they can get to easily and see them or download them or get them printed out.

It's never an easy thing to break the news of such a huge change but in the end you just need to do your best to explain that it's not easy for you to leave everything either but its too good of an opportunity for your family not to explore and that nothing is ever guaranteed to be forever.

 

[davecryptian]

Thanks, I appreciate that. Yeah it's much more difficult for my wife as her family are very much happy with staying in the UK so much so they can't understand people leaving.

My family on the other hand have always been ok with moving round if that's what the opportunity was.

It's hard for me to understand why they can't see the positives from the move and can only see the negative. And explaining that a 457 is for UP TO 4 years, they focus on the 4 year impact to them, rather than the life experience we'd have in 4 years...

I hope it will get easier and they'll come round as it's making me think twice of asking my wife to make the sacrifice...

 

[tarlyn]

Well in the end its your family and you have to do what you feel is best regardless of what the parents/extended family think.

If they truly care which most do they will accept it and make the best of it.

I think the key is making sure they know "This is happening"...when its still a maybe or thinking about it then its human nature to throw up resistance to it so that you will just decide to stay. Once they know its 100% that you are leaving I believe they will come around.

I know everytime we talked about possibly leaving we always got negativity about it and they didnt want to really entertain the idea but once I said we were leaving and this is when they accepted it pretty well and came around.

Dont expect them to be all giddy about it as its still a sad thing for them but they should understand it and be happy for you and make the best out of it.

 

[jenjenk]

Hello
I think firstly you need to hold your tongue on this one, they're angry because they love her so much. Don't react to their anger.
Secondly arm yourself with every fact for every comment that might be made. How much more will you earn? How much bigger will your house be? Lower crime rates? Cleanliness?
Setting them up with Skype is good and email. If they aren't tech savvy maybe pens and writing paper on airmail blueys and that you'll call every Sunday.
Talk about a spare room being available for them, anytime. How they're so important to you that they'll always be welcome in your home. That you intend to visit when you can.

Every family is different so there is no easy answer. Good luck and enjoy your move x

 

[NYtoAU]

My husband and I came on a working holiday visa and had already been gone for a year, my parents were counting down to our return and when I broke the news that I've been sponsored they were devastated. They laid a huge guilt trip and made it about themselves so it was not a comfortable conversation.
We skype almost weekly so that helps and I've already promised to return for Christmas for my entire 4 week annual leave.
I think unfortunately only acceptance of the decision and time will make it easier on everyone.

I have a co-worker who is from South Africa and when he had broken the news to his family, they didn't speak to him for weeks out of anger!

 

[borntobeaussie]

I understand all of your cases, The same happened with my parents. I am their only child and when we told them we might move to Australia on a 457, they were really sad. We are now planning for a PR and I am not sure whether I will tell them upfront that I am choosing to leave my country permanently and live here.
I guess only time can make a difference. Calling them almost everyday and if possible video chatting is a good idea to make them feel that u are not as far as they think. Also visiting as much as possible(once a year I guess) and make them visit keeps them happy and connected.
You can't blame parents who have nothing much in life except for children. Thinking of their children willingly shifting to another country can be a real shocker

My husband and I came on a working holiday visa and had already been gone for a year, my parents were counting down to our return and when I broke the news that I've been sponsored they were devastated. They laid a huge guilt trip and made it about themselves so it was not a comfortable conversation.
We skype almost weekly so that helps and I've already promised to return for Christmas for my entire 4 week annual leave.
I think unfortunately only acceptance of the decision and time will make it easier on everyone.

I have a co-worker who is from South Africa and when he had broken the news to his family, they didn't speak to him for weeks out of anger!

 

[android]

yes i know it is extreme !!!!!, but me and my wife decided that the best is to not tell our families at all about our move to Oz on a 457 visa, we will keep telling them we are still in Dubai.

 

[mbc71]

We live in the US right now, but my DH is from the UK (so his entire family is there). We do Oovoo video chats with them a couple times a week, its great!

To take the focus off of you, your wife should probably explain to her family that she wants to go, too (i.e. its not like you are forcing her to move against her will ).

In the end, the world is small. You're right - you will just be a day away.

 

[Nettle]

I think I'm in the position your wife is in... My partner is Australian and headed back last year from the UK where we met a few years ago. My parents are not impressed that I'm now going. My dad is 70 and doesn't fly so there is no chance they will visit. One of the things which I think has made them feel better is us arranging when our next trip back to the uk will be. For them it's trying to think I'm gone for 5 months not forever. We have also expressed a wish to come back to the UK in the future and I never say I'm emigrating just that I'm going for a little while, a year or two. We just got my parents an iPad and have installed skype and viber and practiced calling so they know how to use it and how to get hold of us if they need us.

I know that my partner feels like they are blaming him and they are a bit but I also know they just want me to be happy and that if they see him making me happy they are better with it.
Being in your wife's position it is so hard so stay positive towards her family and support her through this tough time