[AnnieP]

I'm new at this and don't know what I'm really doing so please forgive me. I don't know how to start a new thread, since my situation is a bit different and I don't know if anyone can help me.
 
I met my current boyfriend 2 years ago in December in a Yahoo chat room. After a few weeks of just randomly chatting and emailing, we started to talk with voice and cam chat every night. Since then we've been talking almost every single night that we can.
 
He lives in Scotland UK and I in the USA. I've been there to the UK twice now. First for 2 weeks in April of 2009 and then just a few days ago for 3 weeks for Christmas and New Year's of 2009/10. There I have met a few of his friends, one of his sisters, and one of his nieces. I have talked to another one of his sisters over the phone and to one of his cousins that lives in England.
 
We want to get married, we know we want to spend our lives together. The thing that's different and that I think would cause problems is our age differences. I'm 24 years old, he's 54. The first time I went to Scotland, the passport control guy at the Glasgow airport had to stop me to do a few background checks on my boyfriend. I didn't get to see my boyfriend until an hour and a half after my plane had landed. I'm planning on going again the summer of 2010 and we are working on saving money so he can come over here in the spring of 2010.
 
Can anyone give me advice on this, or on how to start a new thread that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

 

[zeebo]

Hello,

I don't see the problem? you won't get any issues in the UK about age differences.. you may get the odd idiot say a "joke"... but nothing preventing you being together.

 

[Shipresa]

I find border agents more nosy in Scotland.

I never got third degree grilling at Heathrow, and always do at Aberdeen. Not to say its a good idea, but they ask a lot of personal questions. When my folks came to Scotland for our wedding, my dad was kept at the questions for some time, as I'd not remembered to give him our home address in Scotland, and they were suspicious about his coming in for his American daughter's wedding to a Scot. We were on the other side of the glass waiting for him, and he said so, but they didn't come to see, just kept asking more and more questions, like how we met and even my dad didn't and couldn't know the more intimate details.

So anyhow, I found in the past year to simply look straight at them and answer only what they ask. Fewest words possible and don't look all worried.

You seem to be the one worried about the age difference.

I'm sure the border agent simply wanted to check him out to your story. 24 is an adult. If you were 16 or 18, then I too would want to know his background.

What question exactly are you trying to ask? If the age difference is a problem here or how to get through immigration/border questions? Or saving money to bring him to the USA? Because gobs of stuff is needed to prove, and you'll read much on the threads here on how to navigate the proof and documentation.

This forum is for expats in Britain, so you may find more information on other expat forums on obtaining visas for a British citizen to the USA. Here you'll find more help in getting any visas you may need as a US citizen coming here on a UK fiancee or spouse visa.

 

[Bevdeforges]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

I've moved your post out into a thread of its own to see if we can attract a few more responses. I suspect, however, that the combination of your age difference and the fact that most of your relationship has been on an online basis is going to cause you problems.

I'd wait until after your boyfriend has visited you in the US this spring. During your visit, you may want to take a long, hard look at your options. Depending on your exact circumstances, it may be easier to plan on settling in the US rather than in the UK, but either one is going to take some careful planning.

One thing to start doing now is to document all your contact. Keep lists of your phone calls, e-mails, voice and cam chats. I hope you've saved the boarding passes from your flights over and back. Hang onto any letters, pictures, post cards or whatever that you've exchanged in the past two years.

And for future reference, don't ever mention at immigration that you're there to see or visit your "boyfriend." When he comes in the spring, he should simply say he's visiting "friends." Until you've set a date and decided where you're getting married, with one or the other of you applying for the appropriate visa, you're just asking for trouble providing any unnecessary information.
Cheers,
Bev

 

[Shipresa]

As well...

Keep all your travel boarding stubs, itineraries, letters, etc.... photos of you and his family, cousins, friends, everyone you meet here....

You'll need all sorts of tangible evidence to support a real relationship. No country is against people meeting in chat rooms or online (or care about what your age is except if it is the minimum to marry or sponsor someone to the USA), but they DO want to SEE that this is a real relationship and not one for a visa situation.

So while you are over here, get as many snaps as you can, including you and him with his family, especially those Christmas family pics! They are very useful for the package of documentation.

Don't throw anything away of simplest momentos or events - they are useful!

 

[Shipresa]

kudos Bev for a level headed reply.

Bev is very right, and looking out for you....

See how it goes when he goes over to the USA. Nothing has to go so fast in this day and age anyhow.

Good luck!

 

[AnnieP]

And for future reference, don't ever mention at immigration that you're there to see or visit your "boyfriend." When he comes in the spring, he should simply say he's visiting "friends." Until you've set a date and decided where you're getting married, with one or the other of you applying for the appropriate visa, you're just asking for trouble providing any unnecessary information.

Thank you for moving my post. I did say that I was visiting a friend, then he asked a boyfriend, and I answered honestly. He then asked how we met, how old he was, and all other sorts of questions. This second time was a lot easier and quicker. I was more confident and more in control. Last time I admit I was a bit nervous.
 
He really wants me to move and live over there with him. Which I wouldn't really mind cause I love it there. I've even been researching if I could get a job over there, live over there with him for a few years. It's all questions and confusions right now, but hopefully we'll get it sorted out. We are going to take it slow.

 

[Bevdeforges]

Hang around a while. Maybe I'll confess to the BIG boo boo I made one time on entering the UK. Luckily the immigration guy took pity on me and didn't give me too hard a time, but it could have been a real hassle.

OK, if you're decided on living in Scotland (good choice, by the way), the next big decision will be whether to get married in Scotland or in the US - and that will determine exactly how and when you need to apply for your visa and what kind of visa, etc. It will definitely help things if you have some sort of training or trade that is somewhat in demand in the area where he lives, or something where at least you have a decent shot at finding a job. A big factor in the visa game is whether or not you can stay off "the dole" when you get to the UK.
Cheers,
Bev