Really Frustrated.

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Really Frustrated.


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Old 22nd September 2013, 11:30 PM
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Anne and I got into it last night after church. She kept telling me I have been stingy on money, Her sister said some ignorant things also that I just wanted to get free meal from their house (not true), and Anne tells me she dont like me kissing her at her parents, she dont like me playing at church, she dont like that I forget to bless the parents EACH time. I told her in time it will be second nature but she says I wont change. Then she went on talking spree about me gaining 30 pounds she said im unhealthy and need to gain lol. These are small things that can be adjusted but she makes such huge deal about them. I was going to get the mom some chocolate but totally forgot (still got to do that). Just so frustrated on how her family true colors came out. Anne began to judge and question my decision making and that did not sit well with me considering that I always make sure she is taken care of.

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Old 23rd September 2013, 03:25 AM
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I'm sure you pay enough but I promise you it will never be enough for them - especially if they see friends with other expats blowing the bank on their families.
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Old 23rd September 2013, 03:33 AM
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I understand how you feel.It can be frustrating hearing that from the person special to you.Try to talk over your differences and you have to be honest with each other's intentions.If she really feel that you are special to her, then she would be keen and particular about how you would feel if she says things like this.A woman should treat his man right, with respect and trust.A man deserve to be pampered too not always the woman getting their whimps always.

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Old 23rd September 2013, 06:59 AM
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Originally Posted by jdavis10 View Post
Anne and I got into it last night after church. She kept telling me I have been stingy on money, Her sister said some ignorant things also that I just wanted to get free meal from their house (not true), and Anne tells me she dont like me kissing her at her parents, she dont like me playing at church, she dont like that I forget to bless the parents EACH time. I told her in time it will be second nature but she says I wont change. Then she went on talking spree about me gaining 30 pounds she said im unhealthy and need to gain lol. These are small things that can be adjusted but she makes such huge deal about them. I was going to get the mom some chocolate but totally forgot (still got to do that). Just so frustrated on how her family true colors came out. Anne began to judge and question my decision making and that did not sit well with me considering that I always make sure she is taken care of.
I know what's it like to deal with family members they are not shy in letting out their feelings with that said neither am I anymore..... yea no more mister shy smiley guy, if they deserve some shoveling back they get it, yea, if you allow them to be open and honest with you it's only fair to hand it back.

I now try to watch my weight, most girls I had dated before marriage did not like it if I showed up to port and had gained some pounds they let me know it the instant we met, you lose leverage and pride is beyond huge here so is peer pressure, dressing and looking your best is a must at all times, I never let the charcoal chopper, duck crap shoveler and tricycle man out dress me anymore, I used to dress down or dress with bland clothes if I were a women I would have been known as frumpy...not anymore.

Open affection is not very big here, I can tell because I don't see it happen and can't remember in over 2 decades any family members or neighbors doing that in public or around other members it's a private thing especially around the parents.

I try to distance myself from troublesome family members and encourage my wife to do the same actually she's the first one to shut them down if they give us a hard time. Most of our family members are stingy in fact almost every single one of them, they expect me to dish out every single time and they save their hard-earned peso's and let me spend my even harder earned dollars, so good on you for being stingy!!! It means you're not going to let them take advantage of you, I do dish out every now and then like today my house lower area is flooding, dang it.... and I had two family members help us tote heavy items upstairs, were drinking and I made soapas have the karaoke machine playing.

If there's no splitting away from the sister in-law I would probably bring something with me next time, such as a cake or some other food item to bring the heat down.
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Old 23rd September 2013, 12:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdavis10 View Post
Anne and I got into it last night after church. She kept telling me I have been stingy on money, Her sister said some ignorant things also that I just wanted to get free meal from their house (not true), and Anne tells me she dont like me kissing her at her parents, she dont like me playing at church, she dont like that I forget to bless the parents EACH time. I told her in time it will be second nature but she says I wont change. Then she went on talking spree about me gaining 30 pounds she said im unhealthy and need to gain lol. These are small things that can be adjusted but she makes such huge deal about them. I was going to get the mom some chocolate but totally forgot (still got to do that). Just so frustrated on how her family true colors came out. Anne began to judge and question my decision making and that did not sit well with me considering that I always make sure she is taken care of.
I wouldn't put up with that one bit. It is a good thing that you are seeing this now prior to truly jumping into the family.

For starters, I wouldn't do the "bless" stuff to her parents. You are not filipino and they should respect your culture as much as you do theirs. I do not do that and my in-laws do not expect it. You are not a child nor one of their children. If you are blessing them, you are acknowledging them as an authority figure in your life.

Your girl needs to get a grip on the things that matter. It is a give and take thing and from the tone of this posting it seems there is more give from your end of the stick. I would sit down with her and talk things out. Come to a mutual agreement on what the ground rules are. If she does not want to budge on simple things imagine what the harder things will be like? Most filipinas think that the $ should be managed by them (it's their culture). Are you ready for that? For me, no.

We have made our rules and we work together to abide by them. She accepted that along with a lot of other things as did I. We made some compromises without compromising ourselves.

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Old 23rd September 2013, 01:02 PM
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I wouldn't get overly worked up about it. It sounds like a pretty standard tiff in a cross-cultural relationship. Probably a few frustrations all coming out at once due to some heated emotions.

The making-up could be fun
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Old 23rd September 2013, 01:49 PM
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Agree with Jon1 completely. I too do not bless her father as that is basically saying he has more authority than you and you are bowing down to him. It is also true that the filipina women are supposed to control the money in this culture. My girl has even been asked if i give her all of my money/salary to look after, she simply told them "why is he going to do that, if i want something he will get it for me" (within reason of course lol).

There is one poor guy that lives across theroad (filipino), he works hard for minimal pay and gives his wife his salary each month. All i ever see her doing is playing cards with her friends all day with his hard earned money while he is at work. They once argued and my girl said that she threatened to leave him and take their daghter if he was to stop her playing cards.
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Old 23rd September 2013, 10:40 PM
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Very strong points guys alot of what I see from her from gut instinct is excuses and YES I give out way to much than I should. She demands I bless everytime. She demands I be more "respectful". She demands I not touch her at her parents or anywhere. She demands that I show action. She demands alot of things and when I tell her " I wont do it " Anne blows up she did same thing today. She told me she will stop caring and that I don't have feelings and don't care etc. She tells me I should "BLEND IN" and adjust since I am in Philippines. I think I have adjusted just fine and have shared some great insights from couple provinces and my experiences. I am sick of being treated like a child. I don't mind blessing the parents for respect but am sick and tired of her complaining about having to bless them as I typically do not want too but did it many times anyway. In the church your supposed to kiss the preacher hand "NOT ME" I sit there and fall half asleep mainly because I don't understand the sermon on catholic but I go to church for her. I am so frustrated guys I do not know what to do at this moment. I want to call it quits but I love her and want to least give her proper talk see if she will change her tone and make ground rules she will follow. I never get to look at people because soon as I do she will automatically jump to conclusion I am after another woman so I do these small things so she doesn't get "bitchy" and then she will go 1 hour on how I should be with those girls instead of her. I tell her I love her but she really makes it hard sometimes alot of times especially I do everything I can to make it work.



Quote:
Originally Posted by jon1 View Post
I wouldn't put up with that one bit. It is a good thing that you are seeing this now prior to truly jumping into the family.

For starters, I wouldn't do the "bless" stuff to her parents. You are not filipino and they should respect your culture as much as you do theirs. I do not do that and my in-laws do not expect it. You are not a child nor one of their children. If you are blessing them, you are acknowledging them as an authority figure in your life.

Your girl needs to get a grip on the things that matter. It is a give and take thing and from the tone of this posting it seems there is more give from your end of the stick. I would sit down with her and talk things out. Come to a mutual agreement on what the ground rules are. If she does not want to budge on simple things imagine what the harder things will be like? Most filipinas think that the $ should be managed by them (it's their culture). Are you ready for that? For me, no.

We have made our rules and we work together to abide by them. She accepted that along with a lot of other things as did I. We made some compromises without compromising ourselves.

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Old 23rd September 2013, 10:46 PM
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Bill,

Unless she learns to stop treating me as child, and forcing the culture on me. She is hard on me and expects me to act as if I was born and raised Filipino and should eat the foods her mom cooks always (EVERYTHING). She gets mad that I cant open an umbrella other day I told her I didn't know how because I did not want to break it. I am not the hands on fix type anyways. I am more than computer hands on approach type. They ae small setbacks but they can head south fast. Your right I shouldn't bless the parents but Anne "makes me" and if I didn't I would not be allowed back in their household again I promise that. Their diehard catholic



Quote:
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I wouldn't get overly worked up about it. It sounds like a pretty standard tiff in a cross-cultural relationship. Probably a few frustrations all coming out at once due to some heated emotions.

The making-up could be fun

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Old 23rd September 2013, 10:51 PM
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I basically have had to role over backwards for her, yet she does not do nothing for me. She doesn't cook for me, She doesn't do anything particularly big for me, She expect alot from me but yet does not want to give half and half as couple. I tell her be more understanding and she wont. She tells me the family wont roll over and change their culture for me. I never expected that but I do expect to be respected but I feel it doesn't happen. Her parents like me but truly I don't think Anne is appreciative enough for the things "I DO" and don't typically want to but I do not to have argument

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