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Really Frustrated. - Page 2


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  #11 (permalink)  
Old 23rd September 2013, 11:43 PM
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I basically have had to role over backwards for her, yet she does not do nothing for me. She doesn't cook for me, She doesn't do anything particularly big for me, She expect alot from me but yet does not want to give half and half as couple. I tell her be more understanding and she wont. She tells me the family wont roll over and change their culture for me. I never expected that but I do expect to be respected but I feel it doesn't happen. Her parents like me but truly I don't think Anne is appreciative enough for the things "I DO" and don't typically want to but I do not to have argument
That's not unusual imo...as long as mom, auntie, sis, niece, cousins, brothers are around you'll never see her do anything when youre around. If it still happens you two move out on your own then you have a problem. Besides with the other stuff I'd still run.

You don't want to be even more miserable 5 years from now....I CANNOT stress that enough!
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Old 24th September 2013, 01:14 AM
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You got that right bud. I messaged her on facebook some guidelines she will need to follow BUT i bet she wont follow them. She already told me we couldnt get place together UNTIL we are married. Those are what her parents expect and the "catholic" way. She does not know how to tell her parents she is moving out because she is worried about what her parents will think of her. I am seriously on the verge CVGTC of running out of this. Its B.S. imho and less she straightens up I am done with it.



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That's not unusual imo...as long as mom, auntie, sis,
niece, cousins, brothers are around you'll never see her do anything when youre around. If it still happens you two move out on your own then you have a problem. Besides with the other stuff I'd still run.

You don't want to be even more miserable 5 years from now....I CANNOT stress that enough!

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Old 24th September 2013, 02:26 AM
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Sorry for you, but you have only one choice as I see it. GET OUT. There are many girls/woman out there who will be happy to appreciate and love you for who you are. This is not your time, place or woman. Go somewhere else and GET HAPPY.
X 1000.

Filipino, American, European or from the moon, this situation sound way out of control. Life is too short for this garbage. I don't know you, but I know you deserve better. Heck, anyone deserves better than what you describe.
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Old 24th September 2013, 03:19 AM
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Yes jdavis, your lucky if not married or have children together then walking away is easy. Sounds like you've been putting in the hard yards on the relationship and she is doing little in response due to family/religion and whatever else. I don't know your living arrangements but sounds like your too close to the family I would be moving from there ASAP and wait and see if she's going to follow, if not then obviously it wasn't meant to be.
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Old 24th September 2013, 03:42 AM
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Very strong points guys alot of what I see from her from gut instinct is excuses and YES I give out way to much than I should. She demands I bless everytime. She demands I be more "respectful". She demands I not touch her at her parents or anywhere. She demands that I show action. She demands alot of things and when I tell her " I wont do it " Anne blows up she did same thing today. She told me she will stop caring and that I don't have feelings and don't care etc. She tells me I should "BLEND IN" and adjust since I am in Philippines. I think I have adjusted just fine and have shared some great insights from couple provinces and my experiences. I am sick of being treated like a child. I don't mind blessing the parents for respect but am sick and tired of her complaining about having to bless them as I typically do not want too but did it many times anyway. In the church your supposed to kiss the preacher hand "NOT ME" I sit there and fall half asleep mainly because I don't understand the sermon on catholic but I go to church for her. I am so frustrated guys I do not know what to do at this moment. I want to call it quits but I love her and want to least give her proper talk see if she will change her tone and make ground rules she will follow. I never get to look at people because soon as I do she will automatically jump to conclusion I am after another woman so I do these small things so she doesn't get "bitchy" and then she will go 1 hour on how I should be with those girls instead of her. I tell her I love her but she really makes it hard sometimes alot of times especially I do everything I can to make it work.

Blessing stuff....not gonna happen with me, I did that a few times and it's sickening for me personally, many of my family members don't deserve it either.... they had ripped us off several times and still demand that form of respect ....LOL......my wife explained to family members I don't do the blessing thing decades ago, that's a sign of weakness for me, I can't do that even though it's a sign of respect here it's one area I won't honor and don't feel obligated to honor.

There has to be some give and take with cultures, with that said I also don't expect kids or other family members to do the blessing with me, it's only fair, I will hug the kids at best, I don't do this anymore either, I focus more on my wife and kids.

Good luck with things, changes are hard for both sides but it seems like the girl friend can't bend the rules.... it may take her some time it sounds, someone you or wife will have to explain to the parents that there will alway's be cultural difference's and there will be a couple area's that it's not correct to force it upon others, it's like forcing alcohol onto someone who don't drink, you don't force the parents or wife to eat things you would normally eat or force religious or cultural difference's on them, I wouldn't practice things that might offend them, wait till you and the girl friend are alone nobody watching.

I'm thinking the parents are really old-fashioned and dirt poor, lol... they need to accept that the new foreign family member is not from here, same with her sisters and brothers.
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Old 24th September 2013, 04:34 AM
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Their not use seeing a foreigner around... So their very nosebleed, very old fashioned, and dont like touching, hugging, kissing, etc. I can work on not doing that but truly it gets frustrating her trying to force entire culture on me, then she got the nerve other day to tell me "Americans dont change to filipino culture when they come U.S. then she told me I should adapt to culture there which I have and done already. She is trying to force all this down on me maybe she needs a filipino boyfriend who uses the catholic religion and that follows as she likes. She likes a man with big appetite (filipinos do). She wants guy who has weight on him, She wants guy who lives and breathes tagalog language and culture. I guess she isnt ready for foreign bf. She always says this stuff to me too



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Blessing stuff....not gonna happen with me, I did that a few times and it's sickening for me personally, many of my family members don't deserve it either.... they had ripped us off several times and still demand that form of respect ....LOL......my wife explained to family members I don't do the blessing thing decades ago, that's a sign of weakness for me, I can't do that even though it's a sign of respect here it's one area I won't honor and don't feel obligated to honor.

There has to be some give and take with cultures, with that said I also don't expect kids or other family members to do the blessing with me, it's only fair, I will hug the kids at best, I don't do this anymore either, I focus more on my wife and kids.

Good luck with things, changes are hard for both sides but it seems like the girl friend can't bend the rules.... it may take her some time it sounds, someone you or wife will have to explain to the parents that there will alway's be cultural difference's and there will be a couple area's that it's not correct to force it upon others, it's like forcing alcohol onto someone who don't drink, you don't force the parents or wife to eat things you would normally eat or force religious or cultural difference's on them, I wouldn't practice things that might offend them, wait till you and the girl friend are alone nobody watching.

I'm thinking the parents are really old-fashioned and dirt poor, lol... they need to accept that the new foreign family member is not from here, same with her sisters and brothers.
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Old 24th September 2013, 08:14 AM
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Originally Posted by jdavis10 View Post
Their not use seeing a foreigner around... So their very nosebleed, very old fashioned, and dont like touching, hugging, kissing, etc. I can work on not doing that but truly it gets frustrating her trying to force entire culture on me, then she got the nerve other day to tell me "Americans dont change to filipino culture when they come U.S. then she told me I should adapt to culture there which I have and done already. She is trying to force all this down on me maybe she needs a filipino boyfriend who uses the catholic religion and that follows as she likes. She likes a man with big appetite (filipinos do). She wants guy who has weight on him, She wants guy who lives and breathes tagalog language and culture. I guess she isnt ready for foreign bf. She always says this stuff to me too
Definably sounds like a one sided relationship! Granted that she's contending with not just her family and friends but also neighborhood gossip but seeing as you're willing to move here for her, if she truly loved you, none of that would matter and she would accept you for you! Time to cut her loose and walk away.
If she decides that she really wants the relationship, she'll come to you but at this point...
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Old 24th September 2013, 08:35 AM
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Originally Posted by jdavis10 View Post
Their not use seeing a foreigner around... So their very nosebleed, very old fashioned, and dont like touching, hugging, kissing, etc. I can work on not doing that but truly it gets frustrating her trying to force entire culture on me, then she got the nerve other day to tell me "Americans dont change to filipino culture when they come U.S. then she told me I should adapt to culture there which I have and done already. She is trying to force all this down on me maybe she needs a filipino boyfriend who uses the catholic religion and that follows as she likes. She likes a man with big appetite (filipinos do). She wants guy who has weight on him, She wants guy who lives and breathes tagalog language and culture. I guess she isnt ready for foreign bf. She always says this stuff to me too
She might want a more muscular guy but no a heavy guy I don't think she's into that sure sounds like a challenge, you should ask her what she likes about you and just get it over with make her come clean on whats going on so you both of your eyes wide open and know or accept the direction.

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Old 24th September 2013, 10:13 AM
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jdavis, the only advice I will offer is that you ask relationship advice from people you trust who know both you and Anne as opposed to a public forum.
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Old 24th September 2013, 11:30 AM
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I think you are using the forum to do nothing but whine and complain and justify your choice to move on which is lame to me. You are already leaning on getting out of dodge, you don't need to try and validate it by having the other expats tell you to leave.

It seems really obvious to me that she wants someone to give her money and that be the end of it. You have said a few times that you don't earn a lot and you are OK with living an extremely humble, possibly poor, life. You come from a humble background and it's something you are happy with.

...But if you honestly think that any Filipina is with a foreigner and doesn't want to move up the socioeconomic ladder, you're confused. If she was truly ok with being poor, if she was truly ok with sticking to every custom of the Philippines, etc. she would NOT be with you. She would be with a Filipino.

What separates you from any other Filipino to her? The distance you two have to overcome makes it harder, the language barrier makes it harder, the cultural differences make it harder. So why would she want to be with you? Because you can make her some money.

It might be a hard pill to swallow, but that's just the way I see it. She wants you to be the provider, you to give her a leisurely life, and you to do everything. You're foreign, in her mind it's EASY for you to make money. At least that's what the though process is here. That's what her family tells her. That's what her friends tell her, "Pssst...hoy...Anne... libre mo kami... kano yung buffie mo" (hey Anne, treat us, you have an American boyfriend).

She might not have made it clear when you first came to visit because she didn't want to risk scaring you off, but now that you've come back the second time she can be more open. She expects more money... Nothing too opulent, maybe, but she wants financial security or she wouldn't have gone with a foreigner.

As far as all of the cultural things, I make a compromise. I don't do "amen" and put anyone's hand to my forehead, but I do what I can to say "o po" or "hindi po" every once in a while to the parents. I'm pretty young so my in-laws are very much my elder so I show them some respect out of that, but I make it clear that some cultural borders I do not cross.

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