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-   -   Want your advice ExpatForum on my fiance going abroad (https://www.expatforum.com/expats/philippines-expat-forum/162820-want-your-advice-expatforum-my-fiance-going-abroad.html)

jdavis10 12th July 2013 11:50 PM

Want your advice ExpatForum on my fiance going abroad
 
Well Anne she is so motivated want go abroad even though I have done all I can for her to stay it seems that is not enough. She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us. Sadly she does not want to wait and wants to go asap. She is a certified nurse so issue I see only place she will qualify right now is middle east and dubai saudi is her best chances for first timers. She wants me go with her but I cannot afford prices there so expensive, So question is could you handle that stress for 2 years or would you let her follow her ambition and move on since your on different paths?

jdavis10 12th July 2013 11:52 PM

See my concerns Racconnor and Gene and you all ?

M.C.A. 13th July 2013 01:47 AM

Possibly the pay is better in the Middle East I have heard to the contrary for domestic maids but you mentioned she's a Nurse, unsure what she gets but does she want to leave to get experience... and then eventually get hired with those skills back in the Philippines? The requirements are probably very difficult here and require a couple of years experience (to many nurses), she could be a real help for her family and your paycheck if she attains experience and can eventually work in the Philippines, call center work is very stressful and you sit all day long, I did for 6 years what a nightmare.

I feel you are very lucky that you have a spouse that has such strong will for work because the family won't go away and eventually have to be dealt with, usually it's in the form of some sort of help, I only help family members that can go somewhere have motivation such as schooling or some sort of skill, I helped a member that has art skills over the years and eventually bought him a tattoo kit, he now is able to make money for his wife and kids as a Tattoo artist, he was just a kid when I started buying him color markers, paints and pencils, I helped a girl through college she now works abroad and married a Canadian man the family don't go away no matter where you move to.

jon1 13th July 2013 04:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdavis10 (Post 1243234)
Well Anne she is so motivated want go abroad even though I have done all I can for her to stay it seems that is not enough. She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us. Sadly she does not want to wait and wants to go asap. She is a certified nurse so issue I see only place she will qualify right now is middle east and dubai saudi is her best chances for first timers. She wants me go with her but I cannot afford prices there so expensive, So question is could you handle that stress for 2 years or would you let her follow her ambition and move on since your on different paths?

Not knowing your financial situation or personal goals, for me I do not think that I could handle that. If I was going to be in a relationship, I would want to be with them as much as possible. Some questions;

Do you make enough to support her?
Do you provide an allowance to her that she can use some of for her family?
Is going abroad to work in the same country with her an option?

If she is so bent on going with or without you, to me that rings an alarm. It tells me that the family is more important to her than you.

MikeynJenz 13th July 2013 05:13 AM

Hi James,

I emailed you some work the other day but you havnt replied.

Anyway, it is fresh air that she has the ambition and drive to go out and earn her own money, that is quite rare for a filipino (especially one with a foreign boyfriend).

My girlfriend has also in the past said that she would like the opportunity to work abroad, with me in fact stopping her before i came here. She had the opportunity to work in Canada for Loreal here, but i said "hey im just about to move my life to your country and you are now going to leave while i am there".

Her family were a bit disappointed in her that she didnt go, but i support her with more money than she would have had whilst there and i have given her some small businesses to keep her busy too.

I will echo what Mcalley says about it sounding a few alarms that she is happy to leave you in the philippines alone to do this, you are a foreigner so a big catch for women here, so the fact that she is not worried by this worries me.

I know my relationship would not last through this for two reasons, one obviously we wouldnt see eachother and two she would be accusing me left, right and centre of having another woman.

seram 13th July 2013 05:51 AM

Look.. It is so obvious to me.. The other posters here cant see it.

Your girl needs to go overseas to work to support her family. You are concerned about that..

Bloody hell mate.. Support your girlfriend enough so she can give some peso to her family then she wont go abroad.

When you are in a relationship with a Pinay you are also in a relationship with her family whether u like it or not.

You are either not supporting her enough or she dont love you..

You work it out...cheers

seram 13th July 2013 06:43 AM

Jon1, Sorry mate.. You also have similar thoughts to me...cheers

DannyA 13th July 2013 09:48 AM

She is a qualified nurse,that means the rest of the family have supported her with her studies with the long term goal of going abroad,its how life works in Pinas,95% of the population want to "Go abroad" its the reason fly-posters everywhere advertise Jobs abroad,study abroad etc,the country and lots of families survive on remittances,she HAS to go abroad,its her utang na loob payback.

DannyA 13th July 2013 10:50 AM

Quote:

She tells me that her reason is to help her family but I know she can find work in call center or let me take care of her and eventually start small business for us
Read the sentence mate,you talk about taking care of HER and starting a small biz for the two of you,she has a different agenda,she needs,yup thats the word NEEDS to help her family,her study fees were the family nest-egg,their investment for her long-term payback(monthly remittances are money in the bank).If she stays in Pinas with you and the family dont get that cash winging its way back ever month their investment was wasted,its a heavy burden on some ladies shoulders,the weight of an entire families needs.

jdavis10 14th July 2013 01:01 AM

Hi
 
DannyA,

You got the wrong idea. Anne and I have the money we can send her parents each month. Issue I find is that she is frustrated with Manila Traffic, Stress, constant 3-4 trips from Quezon, Makati, and cities where she is traveling far coming home stressed. I try to explain to her it gets even more stressful in middle east I got quite few friends over there and many work to much. Anne is waiting until I get back to apply abroad and wants me to apply for work to which even IF i did im sure we wouldnt be near eachother which concerns me in middle east.


Rest of You: I always provide for my angel needs. Surely we will take care of them and my parents each month but there are lot of challenges. I dont want Anne to have any regrets. Issue I see is if i can wait 2-4 years which personally i dont see because I think experience in middle east will have impact rather good or bad and I want to be able to find woman i think I can have stand by me. Anne and I are ok right now I am just trying to let her know i want her to stay


Quote:

Originally Posted by DannyA (Post 1243615)
Read the sentence mate,you talk about taking care of HER and starting a small biz for the two of you,she has a different agenda,she needs,yup thats the word NEEDS to help her family,her study fees were the family nest-egg,their investment for her long-term payback(monthly remittances are money in the bank).If she stays in Pinas with you and the family dont get that cash winging its way back ever month their investment was wasted,its a heavy burden on some ladies shoulders,the weight of an entire families needs.



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