Has anyone left to go back to England and regretted it? - Page 12

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Has anyone left to go back to England and regretted it? - Page 12

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Old 23rd January 2016, 12:26 AM
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Users Flag! Originally from uk. Users Flag! Expat in newzealand.

I think we can do all the rational checking of cost of living and lifestyle etc, but what determines whether it works out positively or not is who you are at this moment in your life and what you are going to and looking for. I think the emotional reasons are most important to understand

Anyone returning to anywhere after say a decade for example is not the same person who left and nor are any of their friends or relatives in the place they left. Everything changes and experiences have not been shared.

I left the UK single, arrived in NZ on a trip and decided to stay and had a blast. At that time I was into the parties, the pubs, the restaurants, the ski fields, adventure, sports etc, the out all the time lifestyle and Wellington being so compact meant that anyone you met that you liked at work or at a party was someone you could continue to meet up with because everyone was 20 minutes away. That was what I craved and needed then. That continued as I married. We tripped to all the South Pacific Island and OZ also.

I went up the career ladder and found that the opportunities work wise at the level and niche I had moved into shrank as Wellington organisations things moved to Auckland or Australia. So everything changed - me the place and the things I did.

So after a decade I ended up in Australia. Totally different phase in life and I moved to a lifestyle block. Made plenty of friends in my Sydney workplace but most lived hours away so it was harder work to maintain friendships and socialising. My socialising changed dynamics – restaurants were mostly as a couple not a group – occasional nights out with others and more shows and concerts and big festival days etc etc. More cultural and festival things and weekend barbeques.

Another decade later it was back to NZ. My old friends were welcoming but they had all changed and moved on to different interests I did not always recognise and they had differing circles of friends. We were no longer the novelty (from frequent visits back) that everyone made time for. Wellington job opportunities for my field were minuscule and I no longer knew people who could help. Wellington was still a place to go out and stay out but I was different and so were the people I knew.

Now another 5 years on because of age of parents in the UK plus I am not quite prepared to give up on life and live for the lifestyle block but the all night lifestyle possibilities of Wellington no longer cuts it for me. I am looking for other things and to see places and cultural things that are just not available. I didn’t care too much about them years ago but now I am changed. I still love skiing but the outdoors etc is not what I am looking for, or can do. Family brings different dynamics

So Europe beckons but I have to remember that whilst I might know some of what is driving me, I have others to consider and its really hard when you are not single especially when your partner genuinely wants to support you and may not recognise what they truly want and whether they will be happy.

I had friends who lived in NZ for decade having arrived from the UK. They loved it – then they had children and the wife wanted the UK and family – it became the only thing in life. They tried a trial find work in the UK – it got ugly – it didn’t happen and the wife remained unsettled because they returned and stayed in NZ. It broke them for a long while.

In my situation I am concerned that my partner will and does tell me they’d love to go, but they don’t really have the hankering to do it and are just saying and doing it to make me happy. This a joint mission – we either both need to want it or someone is not going to be happy and it won’t work out accordingly.

If you are working that opens up lots of things in NZ, if you are staying at home then it might be harder. Yes the houses are not European and its an on/off approach to heating unless you earn decently, but that’s important if you stay at home or not if you go out.

If you are into sports the outdoors or lifestyle blocks or you want to see Van Gogh or see Dinosaurs exhibits or one of the latest shows or top headline below 40 years of age international acts and that is what you live and enjoy at this moment in life then then that makes a huge difference as to going somewhere or returning to somewhere. Big acts infrequently come to NZ and usually it is around the time they are eying retirements.

Of course if you are just starting a new family and moving away from family and friend support then that is probably the biggest unknown and factor that requires the most truthful searching.

Rationality around cost of living won’t mean much when you are unhappy and have no support network for that much needed night out or weekend as a couple. Then again for someone else they will face that situation and handle it without any issue and their soul will soar as they ski surf, dive, kayak or whatever.

You are not the same person of a decade ago or more and nor is anything else, and if you are thinking of starting a family it really is something to emotionally think about. We are emotional beings but that is the hardest thing for me at least to get my head around and be truthful about in terms of wants and needs.

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