Smeg was/is right - Page 2

Go Back   Expat Forum For People Moving Overseas And Living Abroad > Europe > France Expat Forum for Expats Living in France > Le Bistro

Le Bistro This new forum is for socialising, networking and off topic discussions for all members either living in or moving to France.

Like Tree33Likes

Smeg was/is right - Page 2


Reply
 
Subscribe to this Thread Thread Tools
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 08:03 AM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: France
Posts: 4,453
Rep Power: 0
Smeg is on a distinguished road
1312 likes received
294 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from uk. Users Flag! Expat in france.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoleilCouchant View Post
Lol, there, I said it. I'm all but done with being in this country. So there you go, I was one of those people who came in here with the best intentions...even knowing from this forum how difficult it can be (being told that). But I tried, I really did. I'm just fed up. "J'en ai marre / je n'en peux plus "... whatever one says. France won! It broke me down. I have no idea how refugees and people who are forced to stay here due to wars back home or whatever here without a choice make do. Or maybe they don't.

Anyway .... I can't believe how much my attitude has changed, and this certainly wasn't just an overnight change or one thing...rather an accumulation and me finally admitting that "j'en ai marre." I haven't really planned out my personal "Frexit" yet...but my original plan was to attempt to stay and work here more or less at least for a while, etc, see if it can work. But I've just decided I'm tired of this "continue to struggle and struggle with the goal of seeing if it might work one day" mode. Like, why. Why keep struggling when there is another country where I could find jobs/etc much easier and at least I sort of understand how things work. For those who may not be "au courant," I've been attempting the university system, going on my third year now, totally all in French, not married, no relatives here, no roots, no help, no one I know haha... etc etc.

Sorry to be so negative but more and more I just laugh to myself thinking of Smeg and his "harbinger of doom" wisdom on these boards.

I don't know exactly what takeaways I have. I still think France is a great place to visit and Paris will always hold a place in my heart. To visit. Haha. And also, maybe this country is easier if one is already half-French or has French relatives or ... or maybe it's easy for people who are rich and retired and thus require minimal involvement with all the "systems" here (jobs, school, whatever). Idk. Or maybe it's just me, even with best intentions...I've found it's just not worth the fight.

So yeah, 10/10 I'd recommend France as a place to go/visit/stay for the short-term, even a year. Maybe even two. * thumbs up * But hardcore "living" here ... I don't know anymore. So, Smeg, You never tried to convince or un-convince me, but even my (fairly) level-headed self (as in, knowing I had a mountain in front of me) has become burnt out.

I'd still never dissuade someone who wants to try. It's not the same case for all. Just, bon courage haha

Also stay safe from the lil Covid virus boo everyone

EDIT: Oh and Bev, kudos to you for having 'stuck it out' so long lollll
Hi soleil

Yep, you have France burn out.

Everyone suffers from that. Mostly the French

So you are not different to anyone else.

Smeg says you need two years back at home. That is for sure. No point sticking around to see if things improve. They won't.

The question is, in 1-2 years time will you miss France to the point that you want to move back ?

Bet you will

You are not a typical expat. I think you are quite naturally French.

You know that Smeg can spot the move to France wannabes and you just know it will end in tears eventually. I met some on the ferry a couple of weeks ago. Dear oh dear....they are dooomed to failure before they have bought their house.

However, you are not one of these wannabe expats.

Go home Soliel and have a break from France for a few years.

Bet you move back one day


Last edited by Smeg; 12th March 2020 at 08:05 AM.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 10:52 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,065
Rep Power: 0
Peasant is on a distinguished road
333 likes received
482 likes given

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SoleilCouchant View Post
I'm all but done with being in this country. So there you go, I was one of those people who came in here with the best intentions...even knowing from this forum how difficult it can be (being told that). But I tried, I really did. I'm just fed up. France won! It broke me down.
Let me be blunt.

It isn't France that has failed, it's you.

I say this as the son of a father that was a refugee after WW2, two parents who immigrated to the US and survived there for 25 years. Who then moved back to Europe for the last half of their lives, all the while successfully raising three kids.

Good luck to you, but you're going to struggle where ever you wind up.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 12:05 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: France
Posts: 4,453
Rep Power: 0
Smeg is on a distinguished road
1312 likes received
294 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from uk. Users Flag! Expat in france.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peasant View Post
Let me be blunt.

It isn't France that has failed, it's you.

I say this as the son of a father that was a refugee after WW2, two parents who immigrated to the US and survived there for 25 years. Who then moved back to Europe for the last half of their lives, all the while successfully raising three kids.

Good luck to you, but you're going to struggle where ever you wind up.
What on Earth are you going on about Peasant ?
EuroTrash likes this.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 12:15 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: France
Posts: 2,442
Rep Power: 253
VERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond reputeVERITE has a reputation beyond repute
1320 likes received
638 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from england. Users Flag! Expat in france.
Default

Peasant:

Your parents fled post war Europe as refugees and "survived" for 25 years in the US before moving back to Europe.

Sorry but I fail to see what this has in common with SC's situation. Different times, different choices, totally different expectations.

Your parents made the best of a bad situation and in the face of adversity raised a family far from their roots.

SC chose to leave her roots to live a different experience and she is the only one who can judge whether it has been successful or not.
baldilocks and EverHopeful like this.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 12:16 PM
Bevdeforges's Avatar
Super Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: deepest, darkest Essonne
Posts: 47,458
Rep Power: 23345
Bevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond reputeBevdeforges has a reputation beyond repute
10275 likes received
1479 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from usa. Users Flag! Expat in france.
Default

Oh dear, it seems we have some sort of competition going on for the Curmudgeon title on the forum.

France hasn't failed Soleil and Soleil hasn't failed France. She is simply at a point in her life where she doesn't have any reason to want to stay. She could get back "home" and find that things have changed to the point where she doesn't really have a reason to stay there either. But she will find out loads about how France has changed her these last couple of years while she was here.

In some ways, this is precisely why Smeg and many of the rest of us here on the forum tend to ask people WHY they want to come to France. Unless you have or develop a strong tie to the place, there is no reason to put up with some of the BS that is part of the package here. But having lived here for a year or two or more does permit you to see more clearly when you get back "home" - and you may be surprised at how much BS there is back there you have to put up with.

Self-knowledge is a very empowering thing.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 12:31 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Pau
Posts: 16,504
Rep Power: 4688
EverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond repute
6090 likes received
10275 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from australia. Users Flag! Expat in france.
Default

In any case, Soleil is potentially still in the decision-making process - you know, she was considering going soon, may put if off for a year or two, etc. Sometimes just expressing the frustrations and the feeling of 'enough is enough' allows us to re-gather our forces and reconsider our options, which of course as others have pointed out are not necessarily restricted to GO/STAY.

And those here who have not hit a brick wall at some time, or will not do so at some time in the future, would likely be few and far between. Well, I'm in the middle of one myself and just hope it all sorts itself out before the situation gets too desperate because there is little I can do about it.



Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 02:46 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,065
Rep Power: 0
Peasant is on a distinguished road
333 likes received
482 likes given

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Smeg View Post
What on Earth are you going on about Peasant ?
If you can't figure it out I can't explain it to you.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 03:01 PM
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Pau
Posts: 16,504
Rep Power: 4688
EverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond reputeEverHopeful has a reputation beyond repute
6090 likes received
10275 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from australia. Users Flag! Expat in france.
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peasant View Post
If you can't figure it out I can't explain it to you.
But what are you going on about??? Refugees generally flee because they consider where they flee to (sadly often multiple locations) has to be better than where they are, and they do their best to protect their children from their own anxieties, including the hardships (often significant) and once their find a secure place they have no choice but to make the best of it, at least until such time as they consider that the circumstances in their home country has improved. Yet here you are criticising someone whose circumstances are totally different and about whom you clearly know nothing.

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 05:00 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Body in Wales, spirit in Normandy
Posts: 3,338
Rep Power: 292
EuroTrash has a spectacular aura aboutEuroTrash has a spectacular aura aboutEuroTrash has a spectacular aura about
1776 likes received
660 likes given

Users Flag! Originally from wales. Users Flag! Expat in wales.
Default

Soleil, I'm so sorry that you don't feel things are working out right.

I think Smeg is right again (astonishingly) when he says you need a couple of years away, and see how things look when you have a better perspective on them.
No point in staying if it's not where you want to be, if it's stifling you and bringing you down.

You'll figure it out, I know you will because you're that kind of person.

Bestest wishes
ET

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 12th March 2020, 06:31 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,065
Rep Power: 0
Peasant is on a distinguished road
333 likes received
482 likes given

Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by EverHopeful View Post
But what are you going on about?
"France won! It broke me down."

Shows a complete misunderstanding of real life and the world in general.

France didn't win. France didn't break anyone down. France is France.

If you can't cope with France, as it is, move somewhere else, but don't complain that your inability to cope with France, as it is, is France's fault.

Do the research. Adapt to the situation as it is. Survive. Prosper.


Last edited by Bevdeforges; 12th March 2020 at 09:34 PM.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Reply


Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Expat Forum For People Moving Overseas And Living Abroad forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:
Location
Where you live
Expat From Country
Please select the country you originate from. This will appear as a flag when you make posts on the site.
Expat To Country
Please select the country you have either moved to or want to relocate to. This will be presented on the site when you make posts.

Log-in


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


FORUM PARTNERS

ExpatForum.com is owned and operated by VerticalScope Inc.

Retiring Overseas Guides | Moving Overseas Guides | Cost of Living | Health Care Guides


All times are GMT. The time now is 09:52 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.