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-   -   The Waiting Game (https://www.expatforum.com/expats/britain-expat-forum-expats-living-uk/146408-waiting-game.html)

MacUK 14th March 2013 11:23 AM

The Waiting Game
I thought it would be nice to have a thread dedicated to all those who are waiting for a response from their respective Consulates or Embassies.

How is the wait affecting you and your partner? Are you worried about anything?

I'm still trying to get a grasp of the idea that we have 3 long months of waiting ahead of us! :confused2:

I just want this to be over, because this worrying and waiting is killing me. How can one manage not to worry?

Any encouragement would be greatly appreciated for everyone waiting a response!


stormystorms 15th March 2013 08:32 AM

The waiting is killing me too. Day 2 out of 60. (My projected timeline is 2 months). Time is passing by so slowly! :(

lidi 15th March 2013 04:22 PM

u r totally right waiting is killing really.the problem sometimes isthat u wait and u don't know wot to expect.i ve benn married for exactly one year now.we r waiting that my husband finishes the required months in his second job to apply.we will be ready to apply by june.so i'm waiting n still waiting...sometimes i try to make my self busy and not to think about it much but sometimes i feel weak n divastated.but i beleive one day all this will finish.good luck to everyone.

cc9 15th March 2013 06:34 PM

Every day is like a month and every month feels like a year..... We wait until we are eligible and then when we apply we wait to hear our result. If this result is not good then we wait to appeal......
I feel like my life is in limbo and that I am holding my breath until I can live again.......
I fell in love with a non eu man but I am made to feel almost like a criminal in my own country by asking If it is ok for him to come and live with me. Every day I read eligibility criteria, suitability criteria, appendix fm se, ukba website....... Think I am in melt down here lol
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to rant am having a very blue day :( :(

stormystorms 16th March 2013 01:28 AM

Hang in there CC9! :(

sweetheather 16th March 2013 10:17 AM

I am no longer waiting at this point but I went through the same thing.

In October 2011 my now husband proposed to me while I was in the Uk visiting. Thus began our visa journey. I left for home (US) November 7 2011. I'll never forget that day in the airport. I kept clinging to him until I had to go up the escalator and go through sercurity. I remember when I got to the top looking back and seeing him gone. I just sobbed. At this point we really didn't know when or if we would see eachother again.

We had to make a lot of sacrifices. We both had to move in with our parents to save money. Luckily my family was really supportive of everything. We ended up realizing after going over the requirements and also how much a fiancee visa costs that we would need to be apart for about a year. It was crushing.

We had skype thankfully, but with the time difference being five hours it was not always easy to get time together. Its like I would get home from work and it was already midnight in the UK.

Our relationship was majorly tested but we both knew we couldn't live without eachother. So about April time I hired an immigration consultant to help me with everything. The price was not that bad and they were extremely helpful.

Then my consultant informed me about this whole rule change thing that came into effect on july 9 2012. We were suddenly freaking out because after reading the new requirements we would not meet it by a few hundred pounds. So of course we were incredibly stressed out and racing to get everything done in time.

During all of this I remember feeling in turmoil all the time. I cried myself to sleep almost every night from all the stress. I just wanted to be with my husband. Every other couple can just decide they want to get married and go do it. But we have to ask the government permission.

How I coped with all of it was working crazy hours and I really got into going to the gym and working out my frustrations there. It wasn't a solution but I think it did help some. I kept myself as busy as possible.

Well our application was submitted on July 5 which is really close to the cut off of the rule change, but we did it. Then I would say it was three weeks later that I got my visa. I was surprised how quick it was. I feel like the day I found out my whole world changed.

The funny thing was I should have been estactic, which i was, but in the back of my mind I was thinking now I have to worry about FLR.
So we got married in Scotland on November 7, 2012 to make that horrible day be the best day of our lives.
We got our FLR Feb 20. at the Liverpool PEO. During the time leading up to our FLR we were stressed and felt as though we couldn't enjoy our married life until we knew I could stay. Its crazy to think we could be married but not get to live together. What is wrong with this world?
Anyway for now our visa journey is over for a couple years. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through and I think I am stronger for it.

My advice to those of you waiting is I know its hard and feels like neverending. I also know it feels like your world is dark and there is no light. If you truly love the person do not give up. There were times for me and my husband if our relationship hadn't been strong enough we may have given up, but there was no way in hell I was prepared to do that. Keep as busy as you can. Keep in contact with your spouse/fiance as much as you can. Share all of your feelings with eachother no matter how dark or bleak. Your the only ones who can know what you are going through, rely on that.
I wish everyone in this post all the best and I truly hope everything works out for you. If it does never ever forget what it took for you to be together and you will have a long and happy marriage :)

MacUK 16th March 2013 10:56 AM

I did open the thread, but this last post inspired me to write our story.

How can it be a person's fault to fall in love with someone who is a resident of another country? Well, this process has made me feel exactly like that. I am punished for falling in love with someone who doesn't and will not have a chance to survive in my society. Believe me, we tried.

We fell in love, fast and hard. We had a baby. Our baby is the fruit of our love. My husband could not manage living here. He left for the UK. We were supposed to join him after 3 months. Sadly, the rules changed. We would have succeeded to get under the old rules, but I was not exempt from the ELT requirement. I could not pass that test because the first available date was in September. We didn't make it under the old rules.

We had no choice but to wait a minimum of 6 months before we could qualify. That period extended to 9 months. We finally applied this March. Like waiting for 9 months was not enough, on top of that we have to wait another 3 months for a decision to be made.

All of that time, me and our baby stayed in my country. My husband, visited almost every month. I was left with a child, no job, my life was put on pause. Moreover, my husband worked like mad to be able to qualify as our sponsor. The irony here is that any other EEA national can bring his non EEA spouse and children in the UK in days, and British Citizens are being punished for marrying a non EEA national.

We talk on skype, we live for the day we get to see each other again. Our daughter is growing up without a father, I am married but I am alone.
The most devastating thing was that yesterday me and my husband cried together for hours on skype instead of being happy that we are blessed to have found each other and to have a child.
This process has ruined our lives. We had no choice but to go through it.
I applied for my spouse visa, and now I am waiting...always waiting. In the meantime, I give my best to be an excellent mother, to not upset the baby. Our daughter on the other hand is becoming gradually aware that her father is not here all the time. When he comes she won't let him out of her sight. If he does go out, then she starts crying until he returns.

We will not give up. We will not surrender. We are a family, and I promise you that we will fight this. My husband will fight for us. I will fight for us. They cannot keep us apart.

So to everyone waiting.....stay strong and keep fighting!!!

lidi 16th March 2013 03:11 PM

MacUK u r really strong woman i wish u the best and ur daughter and husband i feel wot u r going through really simply coz i'm in same situation as ursbut the difference is that i'm left without kids.but this is killing as well thinking that i'm married for one year now and not being able to ve kids coz financial requirement made difficult for us.well as u said keep strong and try ur best to be together as familly.goodluck

cc9 16th March 2013 04:39 PM

How can this system be fair. a system which leaves British citizens waiting for months sometimes years to bring their spouse to live with them in their own country yet citizens residing here from other EU countries can get decisions in less than 2 weeks!!!!!
I am outraged to be honest and although I am happy for the individual couples involved, I get more and more disillusioned every time I read a thread involving the EEA family permit route.....

MacUK 16th March 2013 06:29 PM

I totally understand where you're coming from. Aside from the fact that the UK has a huge immigration problem and they're trying to do everything in their power to recover through the only route they actually can control - the non EU group, I think they are trying to protect their own citizens. If a marriage or relationship is genuine, then what would 6 months be for a couple that is truly in love, you know?
Although it is painful, think of it as the ultimate test....in the end, it's all about the journey, not the destination....stay strong and positive!

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