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Advice Needed - Having a child/marriage

12K views 75 replies 20 participants last post by  EuroBob 
#1 · (Edited)
Hi folks,

It's been quite a long time since I popped on here last but need some advice from some of the more experience Expats in the Philippines.

The Background

I first met my Filipina GF (briefly) way back Dec 2011 during a visit to the Phils as part of a round the world trip. She was friends of friends - we got introduced and exchanged emails and then we stayed in contact as I continued my travels and when I got back to the UK - gradually getting closer and closer.

Anyway, during my travels I got offered a job in Malaysia, which I started in Oct 2012. I took this opportunity to visit my GF (and her family) on a monthly basis before I was able to get a 'dependent' visa for my GF in Malaysia (after getting a Common Law Wife certificate from the British High Comm here) and she has been living with me in Malaysia since March 2013.

Seven very happy months later I popped the question and my GF suddenly became my fiance. We did not have immediate plans to get married (primarily because I wanted to save some more money first in order to do it properly).

However, life has now thrown us a curveball in the shape of a pregnancy. We are both delighted about this (although the other half is now suffering through a variety of pregnancy related issues - and a craving for Dinuguan - which is almost impossible to buy in (Muslim) Malaysia ;) ).

The Current Situation

Anyway, the situation I now find myself in is this. My Fiance is due in Feb 2015.

She wants to have the baby back in the Philippines - as it's her first and she wants to be close to her family - particularly her mother. I have no problems with that although it does mean she has to go home by Mid-November as there are problems with getting flights after 7-months pregnancy. I will obviously miss her - but cannot take so much time off work - and I want her to be wherever she is most comfortable. Sadly she cannot work here on a dependent visa and that does mean that she is at home alone a lot when I am at work - as such I think it may also be better if she has the company of her family in the final few months.

However, what I would like advice upon is the issue of marriage, illegitimacy, surnames, registrations, travel documents etc.

With regard marriage we had intended to get married anyway - but it would probably have been on a longer timescale. As I am Catholic too (British of Irish descent) we were going to get married in a church in the Philippines - but my intention was to save up enough cash to do it properly.

We are now contemplating the possibility of doing a civil service instead prior to the birth - possibly in December or early-Jan.

I understand that I have to get a Certificate from the British Consulate in Manila showing that there is no impediment to the marriage (it costs about 5k pesos) and I understand my fiance needs to get a similar document from her Barangay authorities.

From what I have read the British Embassy will not issue the document for at least 21 days after I visit them in person - which probably means at least two trips to the Phils in advance of any marriage - as well as trips over at Christmas/New Year and then again around the due date.

I then assume that once we both have these documents we can do a civil service in my fiance's home town? Are there any other costs I need to account for?

This whole process - especially the trips back and forth - will be quite expensive and my priority at the moment is more on ensuring I have the cash for health checkups/hospital for my fiance and the baby - and as such we are considering whether we actually need to get married prior to the birth.

Obviously there is/was a social stigma attached to having an illegitimate baby - but I am not sure how strong that still is? My fiance is insisting that she is happy either way - but wondered what you fellas with experience in the Philippines think?

Also, my fiance is quite happy for the baby to have my surname - however I am not sure if the baby can have my surname if it is classed as illegitimate. I have read elsewhere that as long as I am present at the birth and sign the birth certificate then this is not a problem - but wondered if anyone could confirm this is the case in the Philippines?

Finally, is it possible to get travel documents for the child so he/she can come back to Malaysia a mont (or so) after the birth if the baby is illegitimate? Or is it straightforward if the birth certificate is signed in both our names? Someone told us that the baby would need to be baptised before it traveled in order to obtain the necessary Filipino documentation - but I am not sure that is the case. Can anyone confirm/deny?

With regard baptism - is this even possible if we are not married (but both Catholic). I read recently that Pope Francis has baptised kids of parents who are not married - but am not sure if that practice is common in all parts of the Catholic church as I got the impression some of the more 'conservative' elements of the church refuse baptism unless the parents are already married. Does anyone have any first hand experience of this in the Philippines?

Anyway, sorry for the long post.

Am interested in your thoughts.
 
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#42 ·
Benefits | PhilHealth

Inpatient Benefits

Availment condition: Member must have at least three (3) months’ premium contributions within the immediate six (6) months prior to the month of availment

Outpatient Benefits

Availment condition: Member must have at least three (3) months’ premium contributions within the immediate six (6) months prior to the month of availment
 
#61 ·
It is the thought that counts :)

Anyway, a few things I wanted to update.

My little one is now five and a half months old - and extremely 'pogi'. He has already started crawling around and even started making 'mamamama' sounds when he is trying to attract mum's attention - so I think I have a little half-Filipino Einstein on my hands (or maybe just proud-daddy goggles on my eyes).

We opted for an Irish passport first (I am dual nationality) which took about 4 months to sort out because I needed all sorts of documents demonstrating that both my parents (now deceased) were born there (as I was born in the UK).

The passport eventually came and then we started the process of getting his dependent visa in Malaysia - as he (which also meant we) could not leave the country without it.

Apparently some other expats who had their kids in Malaysia didn't know this requirement and then got stopped at the airport by Malaysian immigration demanding the baby's 'entry' visa - I guess no one could stamp it in the maternity ward :p Anyway, that bureaucratic obstacle was also overcome this week.

Now that we can actually leave Malaysia as a family we are planning to go to the Phils in the next few weeks for a Christening.

After doing some reading online it seems some parishes have various requirements that including pre-Christening seminars, baptism certificates and proof that you are actively practicing. Like my mahal I am Catholic - but pretty much lapsed and she is not very observant either. My Filipino family assure me that the requirements differ from parish to parish and that some are not so 'strict' on the requirements - but was wondering what your own experiences of Christening in the Phils are?

I have been informed that we need a lot of God Parents (I only had two) and get the impression that an entourage of God Parents is a common practice in the Phils? Is that correct?

Changing the subject completely I see some discussion on PhilHealth and wanted to share a little experience we had. My wife has been a Phil Health member for around a year. However, we had the baby in Malaysia in a private hospital. Despite my scepticism my wife (through her family back home) made an application for some repayment for our hospital expenses here - and PhilHealth have apparently approved at least some of it. They haven't told us what they will pay yet and we have had to jump through a number of hoops to get to this point in the first place but I was still pleasantly surprised that we would qualify for anything at all.
 
#53 ·
Got somewhat of a pleasant surprise yesterday. As previously mentioned, My Asawa and I are well past the age of being considered as Senior's here in the Phils. She has a Senior Card and is automaticly enrolled in the Phil-Health system with no premium to pay. They don't pay a lot, but some is better than none. She recently had a 2 day hospital stay as a result of extreme high blood pressure, and as we discussed this, we decided I should also try to get Phil-Health. We went to the Phil-Health office to find out how to go about doing this. I had previously heard that a Foreigner could be enrolled at some premium. They did enroll me into the system as her dependent and there is no premium to pay. I was really surprised at this development as mostly we foreigners are treated as second class.

Fred
 
#54 ·
Fred,

Hope your wife is doing and feeling better. That high BP is nothing to fool with.
Yep, that is a good benefit with the insurance. It seems I read or heard somewhere that as a senior on PhilHealth, one can not use the coverage more than once for the same ailment. Nothing would surprise me but it doesn't sound right to me. If you hear anything on this, please post an update.


Jet Lag
 
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#58 ·
Thank You. Good to know it won't be restricted. Kind of strange for me to be listed as a dependent, but as long a it works it's Cige with me. I understand that I will not receive the Senior Discount and am fine with that, my main concern was to facilitate my treatment if ever needed.

Fred
 
#64 · (Edited)
(side note)I presume that the baby's mother has already been through her CFO course, but if not, she needs to attend.

You have to have a civil wedding before you can have a church wedding.
I believe the civil wedding fee is around 250 pesos. It is less than 1000 pesos.

In regards to births in the Philippines, the child can have your last name, even if you are not married, as long as you sign forms to claim the child when registering the child's birth with the Philippine government.

In Malaysia, if you are not married, the child can also still receive your last name, but the birth certificate will indicate that the child is illegitimate.

The child will need a passport to travel.
So if the child is born in the Philippines, I suggest you begin as soon as possible after the birth to get the passport.

Does the order of which passport you get first matter to the UK?
Do you need to get the UK passport and then get the Philippine passport?
The order is not considered an issue when dealing with the U.S..

There is not a legal requirement for the child to be baptized before receiving documents which allow the child to travel.
But as a Catholic, I am sure you understand that love ones may have strong feelings on this matter.

If you are in Kuala Lumpur, all the ingredients can be found for making for Dinuguan.
The pork can found several places (grocery stores), but the blood needs to be obtained at a wet market, such as Pudu Market.
You should also know about the mall which is run by Filipinos.
The mall is located near Chinatown and is named "Kota Raya".
It has a Filipino dry goods grocery store.
The mall contains a shipping agency which can be of assistance when shipping items to the Philippines.
Haircuts there can be found for 10 RM.

Baby strollers and equipment is expensive in Malaysia, so check the prices and consider buying them in the Philippines.
 
#72 ·
Marriage ceremonies.

As much as Nila and I want a traditional church wedding we will have to be satisfied with our civil wedding ceremony. And as long s the Philippines and the USA accepts this we are OK. Looking at my condition, I would be looking like Jabba the Hutt or Buddha and Nila would be fantastic in her $1,500 gown.
 

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#76 ·
No worries.
If anything, I "poked myself in the eye" by giving incorrect information.
(I am only annoyed with myself.)

I think it is good for this site that people/members asked me to clarify or cite a reference for my information because by doing so we were able to identify the mistaken information and make sure the site was providing better quality advice.
 
#75 ·
You do not need a Civil Wedding first. You need to get your marriage license first then you can get a Civil Ceremony or Church Ceremony or both. After the wedding in our case about 2 weeks we received the Wedding Certificate from NSO.
 
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