Moving back home

How long before you give in and return home?

While we tend to hear more about the success stories when people move overseas to start a new life, there is also a downside to relocating overseas with a the number of people moving back home after a relatively short period of time – due to problems and issues which they did not foresee or which they decided to ignore at the initial stage. As more and more people look to start a new life overseas it is inevitable that more and more people will actually be forced to move back home in due course. So what issues arise from ventures overseas which go wrong?

How long do you give your new life?

Perhaps the trickiest question to answer is “How long do you give your new life?” because there will inevitably be a period of settling down which will see you become more aware of your environment, more aware of the local culture and also more aware of the cost of living and the economy. These are subjects that cannot be addressed in just a few weeks and if you are serious about moving overseas to start a new life you need to be prepared to take the “rough with the smooth” in the initial year.

However, there are two sides to this particular coin with some people deciding to move back home after only a few weeks and others giving themselves perhaps too much time to come to terms with their new life and making themselves unhappy. The truth is that finding a balance between homesickness in the early stages and “flogging a dead horse” in the longer term is a very difficult process.

One element which appears on a regular basis, for those who decide that their new homeland is not for them after a relatively short period of time, is the fact that perhaps all parties were not as committed to the move as they should have been. While the idea of moving overseas and starting a new life with your partner, family and children has obvious appeal for many people, unless all parties involved are willing to “give it their best shot” it can place great pressure upon the family unit and personal relationships. We have seen instances where families have moved overseas only for the pressure to see some members of the family returning to their former homeland and others remain in their “new homeland”.

Friends and family

If you are looking to move overseas and start a new life you will obviously have visited the country in question on a number of occasions to see exactly what is on offer and what you can expect. This is where, for many people at least, the problems begin because it is easy to return home to your family and friends and “rave about your new homeland”. However, will this be the same the next time you move to your new homeland and do not return to your family and friends?

The truth is that many of us build up our social networks over decades, including family and friends, school colleagues and work colleagues. Tearing yourself away from what is in effect your comfort zone is not easy and it is a process which needs to be considered in great depth. These are friends and family which had been around you for many years and have been there for you in the good times and the bad times. Even though they may only be a plane journey away, are you prepared to give up your previous social circle and begin all over again in your new homeland?

Cultural differences

While there are a number of reasons why people might consider moving back home, one of the main subjects which appears on a regular basis is cultural differences. Whether these cultural differences relate to a way of life, religion, work or other elements of everyday life, if you’re moving to a country which is fundamentally different from the culture in which you have grown up there will inevitably be a period of concern and potential issues while you “bed yourself in”. That is not to say that different cultures cannot mix, because they can, but the fact is that for some people the difference in culture between their former homeland and their new homeland may only become clear once they have landed and started their new life.

Checking out the culture of the country in which you are planning to live, and start a new life, is a vital element of planning for the future and is something that should be near the top of your to-do list. You need to make yourself aware of any potential cultural clashes and decide whether you can accept the changes in your new homeland or whether fundamentally they disagree with you and you may need to look elsewhere. While there is a need to be flexible, there is also a need to be realistic because some cultures will clash in a big way, something which can and does affect not only your enjoyment of life but can in some ways affect your health. Do your homework!

Cost of living

When moving back home a number of people will comment upon the cost of living in their “new homeland” and the fact that the real cost-of-living can be very different from that portrayed in the glossy expat magazines where governments are looking to attract skilled workers and potential business people/investors. The litmus test with regards to the cost of living is whether moving overseas to a new homeland will give you at least an equal standard of living compared to your former homeland, although obviously you would prefer to be moving to pastures new to improve your life, your prospects and your standard of living.

Any country which you move to will have a wildly varying cost of living from area to area and at a very early stage you need to be aware of what your potential income will be in your new homeland – you also need to be honest with yourself about what you can and what you cannot afford. Jumping feet first into a move overseas without actually investigating whether you could afford to live in your preferred area is plain crazy and is one of the reasons why many people return home, often with their tail between their legs.

Property

When looking to move overseas you will need to be aware of the cost of property, whether to purchase outright or rental arrangements, and whether indeed you do have the right to acquire property. There is also a need to “look under the surface” and make sure you are aware of any taxes and extra costs which may be connected to property in the country, i.e. your new home.

There is also a need to be well aware of the mortgage system in your newfound homeland and whether indeed you can afford to cover your mortgage in the short, medium and longer term. Too many people move overseas with little or no savings, expecting to find employment immediately, and then realise that they may well run short of money in the short term, something which can cause major problems. The vast majority of expats who successfully move overseas will have an “emergency fund” which will see them through the initial settling down period when they may well be short of income.

The Dubai property market is a prime example of investors chasing the money and inevitably paying the price when the economy turned and they were left with large mortgages on properties which had seen a collapse in value. Do not put all of your eggs in one basket and do not automatically assume that a booming economy in your newfound homeland will last forever!

Escaping your problems

While there are many reasons why expats might look to move overseas one of the more difficult and potentially dangerous reasons is to escape your problems in your former homeland. Whether these are financial problems, relationship problems or other issues which need to be addressed, you will often find that your problems will follow you to your new homeland. Moving to a new country to escape your problems is not, in general, a reason to consider life overseas although many people still continue to try and stay one step ahead of their problems when in reality it is likely they will catch up with them at some stage.

A number of parties in the past have moved overseas to “begin a new life” after problems in their former homeland only to find out that these particular problems have followed them to their new location. This is a prime example about why moving to a new country will not necessarily be the answer to your problems and can in some situations “make things worse”. If you’re moving with a partner or family then you need to have the full backing of all those involved because one loose link in the chain could cause the whole venture to collapse with potentially catastrophic results.

Is the grass always greener on the other side?

A quick look at the expat forum, whichever country you happen to choose, will inevitably show a number of people looking to move to new homelands without doing their homework. Whichever country in a word you choose, you are guaranteed to find some kind of glossy magazine or website which will promote the positives of the country while often glossing over potential issues and potential problems. So is the grass is always greener on the other side?

In simple terms, you need to do your homework and dig beneath the surface to see how your potential new homeland operates. You may find that the country of your choice does actually suit your personality, your needs and your culture better than your original homeland but then again, especially for those blinded by the gloss, you may find that in reality your new homeland does not live up to the glossy brochure which you fell for!

The truth is that no move overseas will be a honeymoon for any party and you do need to give it time, do your homework and inevitably attempt to integrate yourself with the local environment and adapt to the local culture. Very few expats will move from a culture and a background which is perfectly reflected in their new-found homeland, perhaps minus the downsides which forced them to move in the first place. The grass is not always greener on the other side!

Conclusion

Moving back home is not an easy option and many people will decide to stay in their new-found homeland even if one or more of the parties involved is unhappy. However, where is the sense in remaining in a country which makes you unhappy when you could in theory return to your former homeland perhaps more appreciative of what you had in the first place?

Even though some people might suggest that moving back home is the easy option and a “copout”, in reality it is one of the hardest decisions anyone in that position will ever have to make and one which needs to be balanced against the pros and cons of staying in the country of your choice and moving back home. There is no hard and fast answer to why some people move back home after seeking out a new homeland, but there are a number of issues which we have covered above which come to the fore on numerous occasions.

There is much discussion about how long you should give your new found homeland before you decide it is not for you, and in reality this is different from person to person and country to country. However, you do need to go to your new chosen homeland with an open mind even if this does potentially prompt discussion about moving back home if everything is not going to plan. You need to be realistic, both from the point of view of giving yourself the chance to settle in and also the fact that you may have made a mistake and your new homeland is literally not for you.

There are no hard and fast rules to moving overseas and no hard and fast rules why a number of people are moving back home. However, you need to do your homework, be aware of what awaits you and be willing to compromise and maintain an open mind in the early days at least. Moving overseas is a journey which some people can complete although some will fall by the wayside and retreat back to their “natural habitat”.

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