In Thailand ... someone is always watching you.

[Oneman]

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Newcomers don't see this, not in the beginning, and that's exactly the way the Thais want it.
The Thais want to know a lot about us, without us ever learning much about them.

But stay here more than a few months, and it will become clear to you.
No matter where you go, no matter what you do, someone will notice, and will remember where you were and what you did there.

Even new-comers know this situation:
You go into a restaurant here for the first time.
You order, say, a club sandwich, eat, pay, and leave.
Some weeks later you find yourself near that same restaurant, so you go in, sit down, and look over the menu.
The waitress comes to your table and asks, "You want club san-which?"
Happens here all the time.

But I propose to look at that phenomenon much more closely.
To see what it can teach us about Thai culture.
As expats, we need to understand the foreign culture around us.
In Thailand, that's not easy, because Thais are masters of deception and subtlety.
So I have the idea of starting a series of posts trying to understand, and to learn from each other.
This is the first of what, perhaps, will become a series of threads on learning about the subtitles of Thai culture.
I welcome other observations, and, especially, critique of mine.


Example #1: The waitress changed jobs.

Last night I went for supper at Sizzler.
For those who don't know, Sizzler is a franchise.
It is a sit-down restaurant with dozens of tables, and hundreds of customers every day.
In one year in Chiangmai I've only been in to Sizzler three, maybe four, times.
I'm not a remarkable customer in any way, just another elderly expat coming in for an early supper.

After she took my order, the waitress asked, "Now, do you stay at the hotel next door again?"
Huh?
Then she said, "You ordered dim-sum in the restaurant."
I had to re-wind my memory tapes.

She was right, I had stayed at that hotel nearby, but that was a year and a half ago!
I stayed only two nights.
I ate in the restaurant only once, and, yes, it was dim-sum.
But now, a year and a half later, in a different restaurant, she remembered!

Old Asia hands know this already, but new-comers take this as a warning.
The Thais watch everyone and everything -- even when they seem like they are not interested -- and they do remember.

(Side note: I recommend the BBQ ribs at Sizzler: Very tender and meaty.
And if you go back a second time, your waitress just might ask if you want ribs again.)


Example #2: What are you doing in this part of the city?

Some years ago, while living in Bangkok, I read a review in the newspaper of the restaurant at the Shangri-La hotel.
It was a long ways from where I was living, but sounded very nice, so I got in a taxi and went there for my supper.
It was a long ways from where I lived.

The taxi took me right to the door, but after eating, I decided to walk the few hundred meters to the skytrain station.
Along the walk, I noticed a young woman coming toward me, staring intently at me.
I didn't acknowledge her, but looked straight ahead as I walked.

As she came up to me, she stopped right in front of me.
With a cheerful smile she asked, "Khun Oneman, what are you doing in this part of Bangkok? You live in soi 99. Why do you come so far away?"
I stared and stared, but it was not a face I recognized.
I couldn't figure out who she was or where I'd ever seen her.
But she sure knew me, and she knew where I lived.
I mumbled something about going to visit a friend who was staying at the Shangri-La Hotel, and then continued on my way.

A few days later, I went into a small foot massage shop around the corner from where I lived in soi 99.
I was a regular customer in that shop, and I knew all the girls who worked there.
During the hour of the foot massage, one of the girls came over to me, and asked, "Your friend, where he come from?"
Huh? What friend? Who are you talking about?
She patiently explained, "Your friend who stay at Shangri-La Hotel."

New-comers, I hope you are listening and making mental notes.


Example #3: Did you spot the lady-boy?

Once or twice a month I go for a foot massage at the little shop across the street.
The massage ladies are older and un-atractive, but they are cheerful and pleasant and always give me a warm welcome.
They all know me and I know them.
But one day a new face in that shop.
A younger girl -- twenty-something -- petite and adorable.
She was not in line to do my massage, but she came over anyway, to talk and get acquainted.
She flirted a lot, and I smiled and enjoyed.
Her English was exceptionally good, but she spoke only in a whisper.
I kept asking her to speak louder, but she wouldn't or couldn't.

Two days after that, my maid came in to clean the apartment.
We chat in Thai about many things; she helps me improve my language.
In the course of that day's chatting, she asked, "Do you go foot massage?"
Odd question, but, yes, I had.
"Do you know shop have lady boy working there now?"
No, I didn't know.
End of conversation, but it puzzled me a little bit.
Well, I forgot about it.

A few weeks later, I went in for another foot massage.
This time, that new girl was next in line so she pulled up her little stool and started to work on my feet.
And, oh boy!, did she turn on the charm with me.
Thai girls can flirt, but this one was a master at it.
Okay, I'm vulnerable: I handed her my mobile phone, and, without any prompting, she punched in her phone number.
She whispered her name, "Nok".

But I didn't call right away.
Later in the week, my maid comes in, as usual, along with the usual chatting in Thai.
In the course of that day's topics, she asked, "Do you go foot massage?"
Odd question, once again, but, yes, I had.
"Do you know shop have lady boy working there now?"
Yes, she told me that a few weeks ago, but I have zero interest in lady boys.
So why tell me again?
"Do you know which one is lady boy?," she asked.
No, I never saw the lady boy.
"Lady boy name is 'Nok', I think you see her, get her mobile number."

The light snapped on.
I had not recognized the new, young, "girl", with the whispering voice, as a lady boy.
But the other women on the staff had noticed the flirting, and certainly had noticed the phone number entry.
How to warn me?
One of them called my maid, who then gave me the alert.
How did the old women in the massage shop know who to call?
In Thailand somebody is always watching you.
The massage shop girls knew my maid, and my maid knew them.
Among themselves they were warning me about the lady boy.
(And I don't go to that shop any more.)

(Side note: Why the whispering voice, I asked my maid.
"Because lady boy voice sound like man. She not want you to hear.")

So, those are only three examples.
I have more, dozens and dozens more, to confirm the title of this thread.
I hope others will add their own observations, and offer their own conclusions so we can learn from each other about living as expats in Thailand.

Finally, I really wish it wasn't necessary to say this, but it is:
The topic of this thread is Thais watching us and remembering what we do.
This thread is not a catch-all for every, possible oddity about Thai culture.
I hope other posters will respect my opening post, and keep on topic.
Thank you.

-- Oneman
Chiangmai
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[frogblogger]

Oh how true - good post.

I'll add a few similar experiences of my own later!