making Thai friends

ljkd13 · #1 (**permalink**) 11th October 2008, 11:57 AM

Hello all,

I just moved to Chiang Mai two weeks ago and will be here until April 2009. My girlfriend and I (both US citizens in our mid-twenties) are looking to make some Thai friends, but are having a tough time coming up with ideas on meeting the locals. When I have lived in other countries, I was always studying, so it was easy to meet people. Now, being a teacher of sorts, I haven't run across a lot of opportunities.

The idea of meeting people in bars reminds me of meeting a future wife/girlfriend in bars: rare, and unlikely. We are also taking a Thai language course, but of course, it would be all foreigners.

Any other suggestions that have worked in Thailand? I'm not socially inept, I just try to be careful with cultural boundaries and try not to over-assert myself in situations.

Thanks for any and all feedback.

-Luke

singto · #2 (**permalink**) 11th October 2008, 12:08 PM

Let it happen naturally. Thais are slow to make farang their friends and you need to be careful about making Thais your friends, especially not knowing the culture.

Zark · #3 (**permalink**) 12th October 2008, 10:55 AM

You'll find after you live here a while that lots of farangs come and live here for a while - then move on. Thais have probably seen enough people come and go, to prefer not make an effort to know someone until they have been around a while. They are probably also a bit chary of strangers ( as I am) until they see and know that you have fairly stable and reasonable behavior - [many farang expats don't).

All the usual places to meet people still apply here: Hash House Harriers, local Lions or Rotary Clubs, Soi Dog Foundation volunteers (assuming they have a branch up there), local bilingual churches and on and on and on. Volunteer, get involved in your community - walk around your neighborhood instead of driving, etc.

When I worked in Saudi Arabia, our boss had seen so many people come and go that the other teachers said that he wouldn't even bother to talk to you until you had been there two years. Sure enough, first day of my third year, he came into my office and initiated a very nice and friendly conversation. Same idea applies here.

Fiscalo · #4 (**permalink**) 14th October 2008, 08:23 PM

My idea about Thai "friends", neighbors etc. is... as long as you are the supplier, food, money, whatever, they are friendly. Thai smile has many forms and only some are genuine.
My advice? Take very good care! Gossip and the Thai drums are near, before you know you have a name. Even people I thought I could trust, cheated on me. And these were not only Thai!

singto · #5 (**permalink**) 15th October 2008, 12:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiscalo

My idea about Thai "friends", neighbors etc. is... as long as you are the supplier, food, money, whatever, they are friendly. Thai smile has many forms and only some are genuine.
My advice? Take very good care! Gossip and the Thai drums are near, before you know you have a name. Even people I thought I could trust, cheated on me. And these were not only Thai!

While I agree with you, I also have some very good Thai friends who have helped me immensely in my career and in my personal life. Yes, care is needed, but isn't care needed when choosing people you call your friends?

Fiscalo · #6 (**permalink**) 15th October 2008, 08:00 AM

Indeed... what is a friend?

klikster · #7 (**permalink**) 19th October 2008, 10:37 AM

You might start at a local temple.

singto · #8 (**permalink**) 19th October 2008, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klikster

You might start at a local temple.

I'm not sure what the rush is to find friends. If you've got to go to a temple because you've no friends, that's pretty sad. Take up Yoga, or Jui-Jitsu, or golf...plenty of people doing activities other than going to the temple to make friends.

klikster · #9 (**permalink**) 19th October 2008, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by singto

I'm not sure what the rush is to find friends. If you've got to go to a temple because you've no friends, that's pretty sad. Take up Yoga, or Jui-Jitsu, or golf...plenty of people doing activities other than going to the temple to make friends.

Okay, I don't know why you're directing this at me. I have plenty of friends. I have actually met many nice folks while visiting temples

Generally, the neighborhood people you find frequenting a temple are better than the bar crowd.

But please tell us, how much better will golfing or yoga or jujitsu people be better than people at a temple.

singto · #10 (**permalink**) 19th October 2008, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by klikster

Okay, I don't know why you're directing this at me. I have plenty of friends. I have actually met many nice folks while visiting temples

Generally, the neighborhood people you find frequenting a temple are better than the bar crowd.

But please tell us, how much better will golfing or yoga or jujitsu people be better than people at a temple.

Klikster - first, I wasn't directing it at you so chill out pal.

Admittedly going to a temple is a much different approach to making friends.

I don't remember how long you said you've been living in Thailand but...going to a temple I stand by what I say - if you've got to go to a temple to make friends, that's pretty sad.

If you're in a city, there are many other activities and places to meet people, places better suited to making friends - and I'm not speaking of bars. If you're in the baan nawk, it's quite easy to meet people, the trick is finding Thai friends you like and who don't view you as an ATM.

The vast majority of people who go to temples are Thai and they don't go to make friends - they go to pray. Most of the Thais I know go to the temple, pray, and leave. It's not a social gathering...