Have checked back through the threads and can't seem to find anything to duplicate this but if I have then apologies and mods please feel free to delete.

Be good if we posted some jokes/funnies on here to help idle away our arduous and long days at work so I'll start.......


Mick says to Paddy down the pub Saturday evening 'Paddy, when you're having sex at home in the front room with your wife in broad daylight, close the curtains. All the neighbours were standing outside watching the pair of you at it this afternoon'

Paddy replies 'ahh be Jaesus, sure the jokes on them coz I wasn't home this afternoon'

A kindergarten teacher upon her first day decides that from day one she will correct all youngsters from using 'baby' words and educate them to use 'grown up' words.

Lessons begin and she asks young Tommy what he did over the weekend, Tommy replies 'Miss, my dad took out for the day and we went on a choo choo'

Teacher says 'No Tommy, use grown up words, it's not choo choo, it's train.

She then asks Lucy the same question - 'Miss, my nana took me to the beach'

'No Lucy, it's not nana, it's grandma'

Billy stands up in the classroom strutting out his chest and looking very proud of himself, stretching his arm up high. 'Miss ask me'

'OK Billy what did you do this weekend?'

'I read a book Miss'

'What did you read?'







WINNIE THE SH**

There is a running long time similar thread in the lounge lounge.

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Biggest anti fan of Dubai ever... is this chapter over yet??? 569 days past my 'D' Day - MASUAE.org for Aquariusts

Thanks Jynx thought there might be.

Am happy for mods to delete

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."

Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".

Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

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"Your Skating on thin ice my pedigree chum......"

Ah, it's ok, happy for the Dubai crowd to have their own jokes thread

PS just try to keep it reasonably decent please

Okies Izzy, no worries

A group of girls are on when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman." !!

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"Your Skating on thin ice my pedigree chum......"

There was a man who really took care of his body.
He lifted weights and jogged six miles a day. One day,
he looked in the mirror and noticed he was tan all over except his "thingie."

So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach,
completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his thingie; which he left sticking out.

Two old ladies were walking on the beach, one using a cane.

Upon seeing the "thingie" sticking up in the sand, she
began to move it around with her cane , remarking to
the other lady, "There is no justice in the world."

The other lady asked what she meant. She said,
"When I was 20, I was curious about it.

When I was 30, I enjoyed it.

When I was 40, I asked for it.

When I was 50, I paid for it.

When I was 60, I prayed for it.

When I was 70, I forgot about it.

Now that I'm 80, the darn things are growing
wild on the beach, and I'm too old to squat!