Expats in Bacolod

[ianmarie]

My wife (negronese native) is insistant that we retire in Negros. We currently reside in my home country Australia. I have been there 5 or 6 times in the 18 years we have been married. I have never sucessfully picked up the language used by her family and friends (they can understand me but I have no hope in knowing what their conversations are about). Is their an english speaking expat community or association in or around Bacolod in Negros?

[Gene and Viol]

Originally Posted by ianmarie

My wife (negronese native) is insistant that we retire in Negros. We currently reside in my home country Australia. I have been there 5 or 6 times in the 18 years we have been married. I have never sucessfully picked up the language used by her family and friends (they can understand me but I have no hope in knowing what their conversations are about). Is their an english speaking expat community or association in or around Bacolod in Negros?

Hi Ian-marie ,

I've lived in country now for nine plus years. I've not been to Negros so not sure about an expat group or area. My first question really is - - - are you really sure you want to place yourself living close to her family? The requests for help (mostly financial) will never stop. It just won't stop. For many, it ends up being a deal breaker and the marriage however good, ends up in the can. Also, if in a remote area, you could be seen by some members of her family as worth more dead than alive.
If you are determined to live there, the first thing to do is take a fact finding trip to try to be sure you really want to live in the islands. Locals in that area will or would know if there are expats around. A personal visit with your embassy in Manila would be of help maybe. Also, be sure to pay a visit to the Swagman Hotel Bar/restaurant in Manila. Many from Australia there all the time and you'd get some good pointers from some of the mates staying there.
Don't feel bad about the language thing. I still don't understand the local language even after all these years. Most of the time it's a blessing to not understand as I don't have to be involved with useless chatter and TV shows.


Gene

[ianmarie]

Gene

Thanks for your concern and you raise really valid points. But the financial requests are already happening so I thought why work my ring out here and keep helping them out, when i can live over there, swing in a hammock, make them work for any handouts. I really can't begrudged my wife for wanting to end here days with her family around her, as she has had to put up with mine for 18 years. As you know family is everything to them, when I am lucky (or unlucky) to see any of mine once a year now.

Ian

[Gene and Viol]

Originally Posted by ianmarie

Gene

Thanks for your concern and you raise really valid points. But the financial requests are already happening so I thought why work my ring out here and keep helping them out, when i can live over there, swing in a hammock, make them work for any handouts. I really can't begrudged my wife for wanting to end here days with her family around her, as she has had to put up with mine for 18 years. As you know family is everything to them, when I am lucky (or unlucky) to see any of mine once a year now.

Ian

Hi Ian,

Yea I can understand that for sure. Anyway, life here is far less stressful than where you or is are from and much less expensive too. Any idea yet when you two will make the move?

Gene

[jon1]

Ian,

I have been thru Bacolod but never stayed there. It is on the coast surrounded by sugar cane plantations to the mountains. Beautiful area really. I couldn't speak to how many expats are there. The city proper seems to be pretty sprawling (several km wide). The food is really good (especially their version of grilled chicken). I am sure that they have a couple of malls and plenty of restaurants. Not so sure on the medical care. It does have an airport so that is a plus. Also, it has a port so that you could go to Iloilo via ferry with ease. I do know on the other side of the island (Negros Oriental) the town of Dumaguete (about 5-6 hours drive, 8-10 hours bus ride) has a large population of expats. It is a smaller community but very nice. The whole island has issues with power and your internet will drop out frequently. Dumaguete also has an airport and ferry port (access to Cebu). Maybe Dumaguete could be an option (keeps her happy with being in Negros but keeps the family distanced).

On the financial requests. They will never end and being there to get something out of them for the $ is not realistic (if anything I am sure that they will increase not decrease). I am with Gene on the separation from them physically helps.

For myself, I told her in the beginning that I would not be a cash cow for her family. I also went on further to explain to her how it will break our relationship and if she truly wants to be with me that she will keep those requests at bay. What I did do was procure a safe place for her immediate family (Mother, Father, 2 siblings) to live. I give her a small allowance and if she wants to share any of it with her family it's on her. It took almost 5 years but the extended family finally got the point "no money from him". There are no real hard feelings within the family from what I have gleaned from her. The place to live was the kicker. By me doing that, her parents now feel embarassed to further on requests to me/her for $. They realize that they have a good thing going on and don't want to jeopardize it.

I have known many expats (Aussies, Brits, Americans) that have felt the pressure and caved in to support. In the end, most either split up or were bitter from this issue alone. They can even try Job's patience. Some have tried to set up a store, buy a trike, etc. to help the extended family members to gain financial independence. But rarely do these strategies work. Usually because the family members have no concept of a business plan, operating capital, profit, etc. and find it's much easier to just to go to you or your wife to ask for more $.

My wife fully appreciates being separated from them (Subic vs Mindanao). She doesn't have to deal with the daily drama. Has less headaches, enjoys the peace, quiet, safety and freedom that she has here. As she is driving now, she appreciates the lack of traffic in the freeport and the ease of movement.

Just my 2cents and stuff to think over,

Jon

[Gene and Viol]

Originally Posted by jon1

Ian,

I have been thru Bacolod but never stayed there. It is on the coast surrounded by sugar cane plantations to the mountains. Beautiful area really. I couldn't speak to how many expats are there. The city proper seems to be pretty sprawling (several km wide). The food is really good (especially their version of grilled chicken). I am sure that they have a couple of malls and plenty of restaurants. Not so sure on the medical care. It does have an airport so that is a plus. Also, it has a port so that you could go to Iloilo via ferry with ease. I do know on the other side of the island (Negros Oriental) the town of Dumaguete (about 5-6 hours drive, 8-10 hours bus ride) has a large population of expats. It is a smaller community but very nice. The whole island has issues with power and your internet will drop out frequently. Dumaguete also has an airport and ferry port (access to Cebu). Maybe Dumaguete could be an option (keeps her happy with being in Negros but keeps the family distanced).

On the financial requests. They will never end and being there to get something out of them for the $ is not realistic (if anything I am sure that they will increase not decrease). I am with Gene on the separation from them physically helps.

For myself, I told her in the beginning that I would not be a cash cow for her family. I also went on further to explain to her how it will break our relationship and if she truly wants to be with me that she will keep those requests at bay. What I did do was procure a safe place for her immediate family (Mother, Father, 2 siblings) to live. I give her a small allowance and if she wants to share any of it with her family it's on her. It took almost 5 years but the extended family finally got the point "no money from him". There are no real hard feelings within the family from what I have gleaned from her. The place to live was the kicker. By me doing that, her parents now feel embarassed to further on requests to me/her for $. They realize that they have a good thing going on and don't want to jeopardize it.

I have known many expats (Aussies, Brits, Americans) that have felt the pressure and caved in to support. In the end, most either split up or were bitter from this issue alone. They can even try Job's patience. Some have tried to set up a store, buy a trike, etc. to help the extended family members to gain financial independence. But rarely do these strategies work. Usually because the family members have no concept of a business plan, operating capital, profit, etc. and find it's much easier to just to go to you or your wife to ask for more $.

My wife fully appreciates being separated from them (Subic vs Mindanao). She doesn't have to deal with the daily drama. Has less headaches, enjoys the peace, quiet, safety and freedom that she has here. As she is driving now, she appreciates the lack of traffic in the freeport and the ease of movement.

Just my 2cents and stuff to think over,

Jon

I have to agree with all you said here Jon. My wife also appreciates the distance from family and family issues.
We all love our wives but every family here it seems has its bad or dangerous eggs too. Sometimes, if they can't beg, borrow, or steal from us what they want of think they need- they could kill us for it. Our wives may be the greatest blessings in our lives but other members of their families can be downright dangerous. Nuf said.

Gene

[jon1]

Originally Posted by Gene and Viol

I have to agree with all you said here Jon. My wife also appreciates the distance from family and family issues.
We all love our wives but every family here it seems has its bad or dangerous eggs too. Sometimes, if they can't beg, borrow, or steal from us what they want of think they need- they could kill us for it. Our wives may be the greatest blessings in our lives but other members of their families can be downright dangerous. Nuf said.

Gene

Yep Gene, you are so correct. Our partners are our true blessing and worth their weight in gold.

[ianmarie]

Originally Posted by Gene and Viol

I have to agree with all you said here Jon. My wife also appreciates the distance from family and family issues.
We all love our wives but every family here it seems has its bad or dangerous eggs too. Sometimes, if they can't beg, borrow, or steal from us what they want of think they need- they could kill us for it. Our wives may be the greatest blessings in our lives but other members of their families can be downright dangerous. Nuf said.

Gene

Guys

I get your point of view, I really do, and I have expressed the same opinions to my "cheese and kisses". But sometimes " the devil you know is better than the devil you don't". As I said before I have been there half a dozen times and met most of them. Her 4 brothers, 1 sister, 17 neice and nephews and 12 offspring (which increases by one or two every year. This is the complete opposite to home where we only have each other (no kids). The point of this exercise is to get away from the rat race, play plenty of golf and have some family contact for my missus. Being an ex coalminer I was always trained to have a second egress (another way out). So this won't be any different.

Cheers
Ian

[Gene and Viol]

Originally Posted by ianmarie

Guys

I get your point of view, I really do, and I have expressed the same opinions to my "cheese and kisses". But sometimes " the devil you know is better than the devil you don't". As I said before I have been there half a dozen times and met most of them. Her 4 brothers, 1 sister, 17 neice and nephews and 12 offspring (which increases by one or two every year. This is the complete opposite to home where we only have each other (no kids). The point of this exercise is to get away from the rat race, play plenty of golf and have some family contact for my missus. Being an ex coalminer I was always trained to have a second egress (another way out). So this won't be any different.

Cheers
Ian

Coal mining Ian? Did you or do you live over by Collinsville? I have a friend that lives there and plenty of mines in that area.

[ianmarie]

Originally Posted by Gene and Viol

Coal mining Ian? Did you or do you live over by Collinsville? I have a friend that lives there and plenty of mines in that area.

No Gene

I am from New South Wales and was a service tradesman that kept the underground machinery ie continuous miners, feeder breakers and conveyor drives operational. I got as far north as Oakey Creek (Bowen Basin area Cental Queensland) on the the tools but now work as workshop manager overseeing all these repairs in a workshop near Newcastle NSW. I used to sell parts to Collinsville, but not since 1999.

PS
I appreciate the correspondence.

Ian