Lonely in Piemonte

[SallyDavis]

Hi there, I was moved by your post. I've been here in Cavaria near Gallarate, sadly a way off from you, for nearly a year. I speak good italian and even so, it's taken al this time for the people I know to start to trust me!! It's weird and I know what you're going through. your daughter will fit in easily as kids do! I notice another person suggested you teach - yes, I agree. I'm a marketing professional and have found it impossible so far to get work in that field so am doing some teaching. Being mother tongue English you'll find people will pay you just to chat to them. You'll feel useful and it will definitely help. Get dressed up for each session and you'll feel you're really doing something worthwhile. Look the part they will respect you more! I wish I lived nearer to you, I'd be very happy to be friends! I'm a little older than you an dhave a grown up son living in England. I came over here to help a little church - we're not catholics but just live according to the bible over here we're called Cristiani evangelici! I'm mad about Jesus and the freedom he's given me and generally am very happy and upbeat, but I too get moments when I feel very cut off, so I know what you mean!
I was thinking maybe you could do an exchange with a switched on Italian teach them English in exchange for some Italian lessons. You'd both benefit and it wouldn't cost a single Euro. How about doing it around cooking or something then you can eat the result as well and invite some other folk. I'm not sure what your name is but my phon enumber is I'm going back to the UK for 4 days tomorrow bu twill be back next week.
I will be praying for you that you'll find someone near you who you can be good friends with, who you can laugh with and rediscover fun in your life. A big hug from Cavaria. Sally

Originally Posted by Twinkle Canelli

Hi

I'm new to this expat forum thing and not sure how it works.... but.... I've been living in Italy for 2 years now with my 13 year old daughter. It's been tough on us both, but finally things have turned a corner for her and she is totally fluent, thriving at school and her social life is just starting to flourish. Since we arrived, I have concentrated on her and my needs have been put on hold. Now that she doesn't need me so much, I am disallusioned to realise that I am no further forward than when I first arrived. My Italian is still rubbish, I have made no friends, and quiet frankly I'm bored and lonely. I've done my best to find a job but work is scarce here even for the Italians. Now I'm trying to find unpaid work just so that I can mix with people and learn the language and I've even approached the local dog rescue place and been turned down as a volunteer!

I'm not about to chuck it all in and retreat back to the UK now things have finally started working out for my daughter, but I really need somebody to talk to!!! My confidence has dipped so low that I find I hardly want to get out of bed in the mornings. The less you do, the less you want to do..... I did join a yoga class for a few months, but it was expensive and although things aren't that difficult financially, it seemed a bit of a luxury so I bought a dvd from Amazon instead! Sometimes I find I can go for a week or 10 days without speaking to another soul.... my daughter usually has IPod earphones plugged in all the time and sniggers at my attempts to speak Italian... My man works away for 2 or 3 months at a time to finance the building of our dream house here so I really am all alone most of the time, and he can't understand what I've got to complain about.

About me.... I'm late 40s but feel as if I'm much younger!!! I'm interested in cooking, gardening, shopping, dogs, cats and horses and have two children but the oldest at 28 is still in London.

If there is anyone out there near Canelli/Asti/Alba/Aqui Terme please get in touch and save my sanity.... otherwise, I'm very grateful to any suggestions and words of wisdom from anyone elsewhere.......

[environ]

Originally Posted by Twinkle Canelli

Hi Patricia!

That would be great - my daughter is at school in Nizza at La Madonna. Sessame..... is that between Nizza and Acqui Terme? I know I drive through it sometimes but can't picture it....

Are you in the UK at the moment and if so whereabouts?

Amanda

Hello Amanda,
I live in lincoln at the moment ,i will be in sessame in april i will let you have the
dates,my neighbour is italian from milan but speaks english and is very helpful
if you need anything. i will give you dates etc later
regards
patricia

[Twinkle Canelli]

Thanks Sally

It's really good to know that there are people out there who care! I too have a grown up son who I left in London - he's 28 and doing well, but hasn't got himself organised enough yet to get a passport and get over here! I'm sure when he does, he won't want to go home again so I should enjoy the peace!

You must be up by the airport?? I'm a couple of hours south of you so that's a shame, but joining the Forum has already done so much good for me - I have spoken to so many lovely people who are feeling similarly to me. I had initially thought that I should shun English people and English ways and really embrace the Italian culture, but now realise that it was an unrealistic idea and that actually most Italian people are not interested in letting an English person into their already established circle.

I am now getting used to the idea of offering English language services and think that it is the best way to mix with the locals and learn a bit more Italian - I just have to gain a little confidence first!

Hope you have a good trip to the UK and look forward to talking to you on your return

Amanda

[Twinkle Canelli]

Thanks Patricia

We'll definitely make plans to meet when you arrive here!

Ciao
Amanda

[stacey812000]

hi im stacey and im 30, living just at the exit of ovada.......i know exactly how you are feeling, and like you my man works 4 months away on the ships, so totally undertsand you......i have a 9 month old labrador, dont work, and struggle with the language after 5 years of being here, anyway would love to hear from you, and maybe one day meet up

stacey

[Twinkle Canelli]

Hi Stacey

Lovely to hear from you. Ovada isn't that far.... it's just past Acqui Terme isn't it? When we first started coming here we used to fly in to Genoa and stop at the Bennets at Ovada to pick up milk and stuff - I'll have a look and see how long it would take me to drive down.

Don't know if I mentioned, but I've got a golden retriever - she'll be two next month but is still very puppylike - I think our dogs would definitely like to meet!

Do you have children? And how do you fill your days? The weather has been terrible for the last week so I'm particularly fed up right now, but I know things will feel better when the sun shines again!

[stacey812000]

hi......thats a quick reply....love it, so you are on the computer alot aswel to pass time lol?

no i dont have any children yet although thats on the cards, but my dog s enough at the minute haha.....

as for passing time, i love walking and gardening, what about you......

maybe we could meet halfway, we could meet in acqui terme, as its not far.....

do you use facebook.....i do!!! pm me your details and i will search for you

well keep in touch......

another boring day ahead the rain is on its way......i also have my family coming to stay on saturday so im free after the 30th! well stay well x

[wen20]

Hi,
I'm new to the site and also not sure how things work either. I'm a language teacher currently in UK but planning to relocate within a year to the Verona area with my husband and daughter. My husband is Italian but has been away from Italy now for 15 years so I think even for him it will be challenging at first. Plus, we don't know anyone in the Verona area. I know I'd be a bit far from you but it would be good to exchange experiences perhaps. I hope things have improved for you since your post and that you've met people through this forum.
My main concern is moving my daughter [12] to an Italian-speaking school. May I ask what support your daughter was given? Also, I read that your decision to re-locate was to improve your quality of life etc. Now that you are in a position to compare the UK with Italy and especially with regards to bringing up a teenager do you still think Italy is the better option? I can think of many reasons why you would want to leave the UK but I suppose I still worry that I'm doing the right thing for her future etc. I spent a lot of time in Italy in my 20s and much prefer the culture and way of life over there and think it would be better for my daughter in the long run if we re-located. Anyway, I'd be grateful for your views.

[Twinkle Canelli]

Hi

Yes I've spoken to a few people through the forum, but only one person that's actually been close enough to meet!

I'll gladly share my experiences with you.... but it will be a bit longwinded, and I'm tired so at times it might not make much sense!

Overall, I think Italy is a much better place to bring a teenager up. I deliberately timed it so that she finished primary in the UK and started secondary in Italy. Because of the lack of language skills, she repeated the last year of primary to give her time to learn a bit of Italian and she will always now be a year behind. That hasn't been much of a problem for her really, as in Italy it's quite common for kids to be held back a year if they don't get adequate marks so there are a couple of other girls in her class that are the same age.

I found a very nice local lady to teach her Italian privately and when we arrived in August she had a few hours lessons every day until school started in September. Since then, she's needed her for a couple of hours after school each day to help with homework and unfortunately she still needs her even now. It has been very expensive and I didn't expect her to still be going now, but subjects like History, Geography, Italian Grammar, Science and Technology are even now, full of new vocabulary and she still needs help with homework, particularly essays. Hopefully it won't be for much longer. Having said that, her marks are excellent, and her attitude to school has improved. Italian school is so much more competitive and she really wants to do well. And she is now beating some of the Italian kids!

However, it was tough on her, and at times it was horrible for both of us.... I don't know how we survived it!!! But you would have support from your husband, and a lot of our problems were due to the fact that my daughter was so shy, and that I was alone with nobody to share my frustrations with. Also it depends on your daughter's attitude. Mine didn't want to be here - but now she wouldn't want to go back to the UK!

I do believe it is a better opportunity for her - she is fluent in a second language and much more confident now. When I think of the UK comprehensive she would have gone to I shudder. Kids here seem to grow up much more slowly, it's a much safer environment, and people are happy! We leave our back door open, and don't lock the car overnight - in the UK my car was being broken into every week! But we live in a small town in an agricultural community - I really don't know what it's like in Verona - I know some big towns do have problems....

And the culture..... I'm afraid we don't do many "cultural" things! But we do enjoy the relaxed cafe society... we have lunch out every Friday (school finishes at 13.00 three days a week and at 16.30 the other two days).... sitting in the sun outside the local bar where we know most of the other customers (not well, but well enough to say hello to). Summer evenings are wonderful - there's always live music or a festa to go to somewhere nearby that doesn't cost anything.... and of course school breaks up on the 13th June and they go back middle of September, so that means visits to the pool several times a week, or days at the coast....or just sitting outside a cafe watching the world go by, or pottering in the garden. Last sumnmer we drove up to Aosta for a couple of days, and over to Venice for a week. This year we're hoping to do Rome, or Pisa, Lucca and Florence.

So.... what will you do? Yes, I think it's a better place for a teenager, and just the experience of another culture is an education in itself. In this economic climate, I like to think I've given my daughter something special, something that will make her stand out from the crowd when she's job hunting. But do think of yourself and not just your daughter.... my life is lonely, and work is impossible to find. I'm lucky in that I don't need to work, but I really would like to, just for the social life. It's tough leaving friends and family.... If I had the chance to turn the clock back I'm not sure I would have come!!!!

I don't know if this has helped you much - I've kind of waffled on a bit - but please don't hesitate to ask questions if it helps

Talk soon
Amanda

[wen20]

Hi Amanda,
thanks so much for you thoughts. I think you are right about bringing up your daughter in Italy-not only has she now got another language but she is enjoying a more outdoors lifestyle in a better climate and in an environment where she doesn't feel pressurised to grow up too quickly. I used to teach in a comprehensive school and I think that's when I felt a move to Italy could offer more. Depressingly, a lot of the kids were already binge drinking at the weekends etc.
Obviously, your move was tough at the beginning but what an achievement now!
Having your daughter start school a year below seems to have been a great idea. My daughter will be older than yours was when we move so I need to figure out whether she can start scuola media a year earlier. What UK school years correspond to scuola media? I think its year 7,8,9?
With hindsight I wish we'd moved when she was younger. How did you select a school for your daughter? Did you look round a few? Did they appoint a specific teacher with English to support her in lessons at the beginning? If so, is there a specific Italian term for this support? I am starting to make approaches to schools in the coming weeks so it would be useful to know.
Ciao for now
Wendy