My 11 year old daughter does not want to move from uk to france

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My 11 year old daughter does not want to move from uk to france


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Old 19th December 2010, 10:24 PM
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Default My 11 year old daughter does not want to move from uk to france

Help!! my husband and i and our 4 children would like to move to france for a new adventure and to be mortgage free, one of our children the 11 year old does not want to move at all. Will she accept it once we get there or not. she is a strong willed girl and has always taken everything as it comes. she has been to 4 primary schools and was hoping to only go to one high school.

My fear is if we dont do it now we never will as the others are 7, 3 and 2 so really good for them.

Any advice would be great.

Also my husband is a builder specialising in plastering and general bulding, we are hoping he will find work, any hints, tips would be appreciated.

THis is my first time to use these forums

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Old 20th December 2010, 04:43 AM
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Without knowing your daughter it's difficult to tell just how she'll adapt to life in France. But a big factor for all of you is going to be whether or not you speak, read and write the language. She's probably at the most awkward stage for language learning - the younger ones will pick it up naturally from those around them, but at age 11 that can be more difficult, particularly if she's resisting the move.

Do you have some idea where you will be moving? It might be a good idea to scout out the work opportunities before committing to a move, as that will be a critical part of your "adventure."
Cheers,
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Old 20th December 2010, 07:37 AM
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I understand your concerns and it's not easy. You are the parent and you know your children best. I can only tell you about how things have gone with my girls - one close to your daughter's age, and one close to your daughter's attitude.

We moved when my oldest daughter was 10 1/2. She wasn't entirely thrilled with the idea, but she also wasn't fighting it. I'll be honest - nearly a year later and we still get occassional tears over missing friends and "Home" and over frustrations about the school situation. However, she is an excellent student and has worked very hard and in less than 9 months has become nearly fluent in French (she still needs and receives extra support at school for writing in French). She's in collège (intermediate school) and the work load is very demanding and stressful. I think the saving grace for her is that we found a wonderful ballet teacher in a town not too far from here and she didn't have to give up her love of dance. (or take from the really strict teacher here in town who makes her students cry!)

My youngest was only 6 when we moved and in CP. She absolutely hated the idea of moving here. Resisted it entirely. When we got here we had lots of tears and the declaration that "I didn't pick French. I picked English. I'm not going to learn French!" - and she hasn't learned French. She understands it, but still won't speak it. Her latest school evaluation was that she's good in math, but still won't/can't speak French. She hasn't picked up the grammar or the vocabulary expected of someone her age. Since she had no issues with learning English, we can only assume that there aren't any learning difficulties, it's attitude. She's coming around, but it has been a slow process. She is a *very* strong willed child who is resistant to change. She has friends (her best friend is French, but was an ex-pat in the US for 3 years so speaks fluent English) and is doing okay, but I suspect if I said we were moving back to the US tomorrow, she would be packed and ready to go in an hour.

Good luck with your decision. Definitely check in to what level of support the school will provide for your kids with learning French. That could make a big difference.

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Old 20th December 2010, 07:44 AM
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My daughter was 11 when we moved to Spain and she didnt want to come either!! We bribed her with swimming pools in gardens, riding lessons etc... Three years on??? I'd love to say that my daughter settled and is glad we moved here, BUT, well she's getting there, We had to put her into an international school in the end as she refused to learn Spanish, to do homework - in fact most of the time she tried to refuse to go to school at all, lots of tears, tantrums and fake illnesses. The schools (we tried two different ones) were good but couldnt make her like it. Now she's in the international school she has made friends and is ticking along. She still hates the heat, the fact that we're "foreigners", misses the UK and her friends there and if we were to decide to go back to the UK she'd be thrilled!!!

But kids are all different and 11yo girls are just hitting that "awkward" age!!!!!!!

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Old 20th December 2010, 12:42 PM
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My daughter was 12 when we came to France & went into the age-appropriate year in College. The kids at the school had been primed to welcome a newcomer & that helped for the first term or so, whilst she was a novelty. It didn't stop a certain amount of bullying which I took up with the Head, and that was dealt with quickly and permanently.

8 years on, she has absolutely no desire to return to the UK on any kind of long-term basis, and has forged her way socially and academically in the environment into which I brought her (probably to a greater extent than I have).

As already said, the temperament of the kid makes a difference, but if negative it can be mitigated by good support and emphasis of the benefits.

Good luck
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Old 20th December 2010, 12:51 PM
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We are also hoping to ove from the USA to France in June 2012 ; why not sooner ; we ahve a lot to do here first.
Anyway, when we move, one son will be 12 and the other will be 13. The 12 year old would have his bags packed today and has absolutely no issue at all. The 13 year old is resisting going but some days is fine about it. We told him that we will make it as painless as we can and will try to have him in an international school. We told him no uniforms(he is thrilled). We told him that it is closer to his favorite uncles who live in Birmingham and Dublin (thrilled). He has never moved schools but has moved house once.

Its a work in progress. Yesterday my dh asked him if he still wanted to go to college in the USA or would he prefer to go in France and he said he has to think about it ; thats a huge move as he always wanted to go to college here.

Good luck. Its not easy.

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Old 20th December 2010, 04:40 PM
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Just a minor observation; every immigrant seems obsessed with an International School for their kids.

I'm sorry, but if moving, & integration is to be taken seriously, bin the International School & get the kids into local school.

OK, maybe, further down the line, when they're aiming for the Bac, an International School might be a good idea, in oprder that they achieve dual qualification. But otherwise, millions of French kids have gone through the French system; it works - put your kids into the French system & REALLY integrate.

H

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Old 20th December 2010, 06:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hils View Post
Just a minor observation; every immigrant seems obsessed with an International School for their kids.

I'm sorry, but if moving, & integration is to be taken seriously, bin the International School & get the kids into local school.
H
If only it were that simple.

Let's say that tomorrow, your employer is bought out by a Japanese company. A month from now, the official language of your business will be Japanese. Don't worry - you've got a month to prepare. But starting at that date, all business will be conducted in Japanese. You'll be expected to email everyone in Japanese, read trade publicationsi in Japanese, conduct meetings in Japanese, etc. Of course, your performance evaluations will be based on how well you are performing your job (in Japanese) and your salary (and future at the company) entirely depend upon your performance. But you can't leave the company if you don't do well - they'll just make you do it over and over again until you can do it.

Sounds unfair, but that's what it's like when you take an older child and put them in the French education system. Move when a child is only 5 and the only expectations are that they will learn to understand and speak in French. They won't be expected to use correct grammar, and when people speak to them, they won't use an extensive vocabulary. Move when a child is in collège (or lycée) and they are expected to understand what is spoken to them (with a gigantic extensive vocabulary covering all school subjects including science), what they read (including Molière). They must be able to express themselves orally and in writing - with perfect grammar. If they can't do this, they fail their classes. TEachers can be understanding and encouraging, knowing the student only recently started to learn the language, but that doesn't mean they grade differently. It can be extremely stressful for a child, and actually impossible for some, to do well in school.

I, for one, don't think less of anyone who would put a child in an international school where they receive instruction in their mother tongue. That person is merely looking out for the best interests of their child and hoping to insure success for them in the future. And for people who are here for only a short time, and will eventually return to a school system in their child's mother tongue, it's actually an extremely smart choice, insuring that their child won't fall behind their peers back in the home country.

Ok - I'll step down off my soapbox now.

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Old 20th December 2010, 06:18 PM
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When I was a lad children were seen, not heard, and they did as their parents bade them.

If YOU want to come to France, issue the child with an ultimatum - either it comes to France with a smile on its face, or with a scowl. Her choice.

Pandering to the whims of an 11 YO? Just how far have we slid downhill?

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Old 21st December 2010, 12:50 AM
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I dont think we are pandering to an 11 year old. I think contrary to our own upbringing, we are considering the feelings and opinions of the child. I for one had a horrible upbringing, while my mother thought she was doing the best at the time for the given time, my siblings and I had a bad childhood .
As a modern day parent, my sons and their welbeing are very important to us. While I am not a perfect parent, i want to do the best possible for my sons and hope they will realize that as they get older. I also understand how hard it was for me and my dh when we initially came to the usa. I would like to think that my sons will have their parents to help them

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