scared to move to Southern France

[bobbierandy]

I was hoping to get some honest opinions from expats in Southern France. My husband has been offered a position there for the next 4 to five years. We currently live in Houston Texas with 2 children. My husband grew up traveling the world with his parents but I do not have these experiences. We would be moving in or around the Nimes area. I have one child in school and am worried about her integration into the school system there and then back into the US system in 5 years. While my husband goes to work everyday I will be home with a toddler and another in school all alone. I know how this will go...he will make friends easily at work and I am afraid I will be isolated and miserable. I have no problems attempting to learn the language but know I do not have an afffinity for learning new languages and it will take me some time. My father spent several years traveling and working in Europe and the Middle East and says that the French are not friendly and especially do not like Americans. Everything I have read on here tells me that it will be tough to make French friends. I guess I was looking for some expats from the US to tell me that it is not nearly as bad as I am imagining it to be in South France. This is a huge financial opportunity for us and would defintely be worth a little misery if you can understand what I mean. I am also a little curious about the cost of living there in comparison to the states specifically Texas which is much lower cost of living than New York or California. Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read my rants and answers.

[Bevdeforges]

I've moved your post into a thread of its own in the hope of attracting a few more responses.

Living in France will be whatever you choose to make of it. To be honest, you will have to make most of the effort to get out and around and to make friends in the area and learn the language. But if you do so, I think you'll find it to be a really great "life experience."

If you know you're going back to the US, it's always possible to send your child to an "international" school where they follow a US-style curriculum or an "international" curriculum in English, which would be more like what he or she will encounter on your return.

The whole issue about the French being "unfriendly" and "not liking Americans" is an exaggeration, to say the least. The French are a reserved people and they won't show up on your doorstep, bearing gifts and urging you to "come out and play" - but if you make an attempt to get involved in local groups (clubs, associations, classes, etc.) they are only too happy to meet and get to know you. They do tend to be a bit more formal in their personal relationships, so you do have to get used to that.

I have yet to find more than one or two French people who "don't like Americans" - and remember, it's up to you to change the minds of those who feel that way, by being polite, respectful and showing your own interest in France and the French. It helps immensely if you don't get too sensitive about comments that may seem like "criticism" of the US, but usually are more in the nature of conversation starters or sincere questions. Explain, but don't attempt to convert.

At some point, you just accept that you're not going to win everyone over - but heck, in some parts of the US there are folks who "don't like Texans" or "don't like New Yorkers" but life goes on.

You only say you're going to be in Southern France. It's a big place, but you may want to start looking for some expat or newcomers groups in the area where you'll be. I can highly recommend the American Women's Group of Languedoc-Roussillon (in Montpellier) or the Montpellier AVF (a French group for newcomers to the area) from personal experience. There are AVFs in several towns in the south of France, where you can meet both other expats and French people.
Cheers,
Bev

[sabfrance]

Originally Posted by bobbierandy

I was hoping to get some honest opinions from expats in Southern France. My husband has been offered a position there for the next 4 to five years. We currently live in Houston Texas with 2 children. My husband grew up traveling the world with his parents but I do not have these experiences. We would be moving in or around the Nimes area. I have one child in school and am worried about her integration into the school system there and then back into the US system in 5 years. While my husband goes to work everyday I will be home with a toddler and another in school all alone. I know how this will go...he will make friends easily at work and I am afraid I will be isolated and miserable. I have no problems attempting to learn the language but know I do not have an afffinity for learning new languages and it will take me some time. My father spent several years traveling and working in Europe and the Middle East and says that the French are not friendly and especially do not like Americans. Everything I have read on here tells me that it will be tough to make French friends. I guess I was looking for some expats from the US to tell me that it is not nearly as bad as I am imagining it to be in South France. This is a huge financial opportunity for us and would defintely be worth a little misery if you can understand what I mean. I am also a little curious about the cost of living there in comparison to the states specifically Texas which is much lower cost of living than New York or California. Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read my rants and answers.

Go go go - you will never regret it.

I travel to France frequently and love the south - particularly Languedoc.

The French are not arrogant. In the big cities people are as they are in any large city in the world. But once you leave the cities you will find that the people are friendly and make you feel welcome at every chance.

You will need some basic French to get along but its amazing how quickly you'll pick it up. Once your child has been in a French school for a month he/she will be giving you lessons at home.

You will not be alone and miserable I assure you. There are Poms and Yanks scattered aroung the south so if you wanted to hop in to an expat group I'm sure that would not be a problem.

A final thought - if you don't have trouble making friends at home now, you probably won't have any trouble making them once in your new home.

[Mohaka]

Hey,

I don't know how is life in the US or how people interact. But, for sure if you want to integrate into the French society you will have to try your best to learn the language. I don't think we are "unfriendly" but for sure we are not easy to make friends with! but even for French, this is never easy to change city and meet new people....so imagine if you don't speak the language.

My advice, would probably apply for all countries, but if you want to integrate and have a good experience in France, try to be outgoing, if you like sports, theatre, paint or anything else go to a club, socialize and try to volunteer to help the best you can (even if you are not confident with your French). It will be very appreciate and help you to drop down the differences.

For the French not liking "Americans", this is, I think, not true. American culture is now part of the French life and a lot of French appreciate it (even if we will never admitt it). But you know, I used to live for many years in NZ, and over there, I met some French saying that NZ people were hard to be friend with and didn't like us to much.... I never had this feeling at all....maybe they had this feeling because they always stay between French and never really try to go to meet the people...sure this is never easy to go to the the others and make the first step but I think if you do, you win.

For School, I don't know with the US but I guess this is close from the UK system. In France, we have a very traditional school, this is great for some kids and not good at all for others. Here, you need to fit in the school system, if you do, you will have a great education, if you don't, well bad luck....I believe, we should change it, but try to change something in France...lol...If you come live in France for some years and go back to the US, it's maybe better for your kids to go to an "international" school.

Anyway, Nimes is a great city to live in and the region pretty nice. For the cost of living, this is depending of many things, I don't know Texas so hard to answer....

Cheers
Nicolas

[hayterk]

We moved over to SW France in July in a similar situation to you, with the offer of a job but from England. I studied french at school for 5 years and we had 3 months lessons before we came out.

I have one child who is 10 who started in the local french school in Sept and is doing well, allbeit with additional french lessons which we pay for one evening a week. I also have toddlers at home and yes, if you do not make the effort to go out it can be very isolatng but that would be the same anywhere I think.

I try to go to places where I will have to speak/hear french. I go to a french toddler group, school meetings and local stores where the servers/owners are older and less likely to speak back to me in english so I have to practice my french.

Within half hour of my area there is a US/Canadian expat hot-spot due to large oil refinery offices being there and they all get together regularly.
Cliche I know, but you do get out what you put in, I had a wobbly week last week but then I had been home all week and as soon as I got out and about again I was back to being positive!

We have had no negative french attitudes towards us, everybody is friendly and willing to help and work with our limited french.

Good luck - I hope it all works out for you.

[Coton90]

Originally Posted by bobbierandy

. My father spent several years traveling and working in Europe and the Middle East and says that the French are not friendly and especially do not like Americans.

Actually, don't be surprised if you're treated like a celebrity as there aren't a lot of Americans in Nimes and the French are very curious about us. I'm one department over from you and the French here get a kick out of meeting an actual American!

If you want to see what Nimes has to offer, here's their official website: Site officiel de la Ville de Nîmes. Sorry it's in French but you may be able to appreciate it. I noticed under their associations, they have a huge number of them (Vie Associative).

Good Luck

[dijid]

Originally Posted by sabfrance

Go go go - you will never regret it.

I travel to France frequently and love the south - particularly Languedoc.

The French are not arrogant. In the big cities people are as they are in any large city in the world. But once you leave the cities you will find that the people are friendly and make you feel welcome at every chance.

You will need some basic French to get along but its amazing how quickly you'll pick it up. Once your child has been in a French school for a month he/she will be giving you lessons at home.

You will not be alone and miserable I assure you. There are Poms and Yanks scattered aroung the south so if you wanted to hop in to an expat group I'm sure that would not be a problem.

A final thought - if you don't have trouble making friends at home now, you probably won't have any trouble making them once in your new home.

I have to address this before I respond to the OP. Visiting a place frequently is NOT the same as living there. By just visiting, you never have to deal with all the beauracracy associated with the Carte de Sejour, opening a bank account, registering kids for school, etc, etc. You can "put yourself out there" more and take more risks with making friends because you don't have to worry as much about offending someone and having them passively-aggressively hold it against you for the rest of the time you are here.

And I'm yet to find a child who arrived here speaking no French who was speaking it after a month. My children's school rule of thumb is a year for the child to speak it. Often they will comprehend it earlier, but to truly speak it takes a while. All 3 of my children are learning it at different paces. And contrary to the beliefs of those who've never placed a child in a school - my youngest is acquiring the language much slower than my oldest. (So, it's not always the younger they are the faster they pick it up)

And making friends easiliy in the US does not equate to making friends easily with the French. In the US, my neighborhood was my social network. We shared tools, held cookouts together and even blocked off the street for a big party twice a year. After 7 months here, I am *finally* on a "Bonjour" basis with all my neighbors. And I have conversation with exactly one of them. (Who I will say is extremely nice and baked a cake for my daughter's birthday, but wasn't friendly until we'd been here 6 months.) As someone else said, it's not always easy to make friends with the French. And I think part of this delay is that it took me about 6 months to get up to a (kinda crappy) conversational level of French.

*now to address the OP*

The upside is that you will have children in school. That is where I've made all my contacts/friends. So I'm far from alone and have a group that I meet for coffee at a local cafe on Tuesdays after school drop off. IT is a great experience, and I'm glad overall that we decided to come here for four years. My children are learning another language, they're getting to experience another culture, try new things, and we have grand plans to travel Europe (budget permitting!). It is frustrating at times (okay, bunches of times) and can get stressful, so make sure you and your spouse have a strong relationship before you come over here LOL!

As for children returning - we enrolled our children in a French public school with an Anglophone section so they can keep their English skills up to speed. While we've found the Anglophone section to be below grade level of their peers back in the US, at least they're still practicing reading and writing in English. Maybe you can find something like that in the area you're going to move to.

Good luck with the decision!

[Mohaka]

Originally Posted by dijid

And making friends easiliy in the US does not equate to making friends easily with the French. In the US, my neighborhood was my social network. We shared tools, held cookouts together and even blocked off the street for a big party twice a year. After 7 months here, I am *finally* on a "Bonjour" basis with all my neighbors. And I have conversation with exactly one of them. (Who I will say is extremely nice and baked a cake for my daughter's birthday, but wasn't friendly until we'd been here 6 months.) As someone else said, it's not always easy to make friends with the French. And I think part of this delay is that it took me about 6 months to get up to a (kinda crappy) conversational level of French.

!

Yeah about that, I'm not sure this is because of your level in French, this more the way it is here. In France, we don't mix up a lot with our neighborhood, I'm living in my village for about 18 months and I'm only on a "Bonjour" basis with all my neighbors (all my social network is out of my neighborhood). And this is often the cases of all my friends and family around me. Do you see your neighborhood interacting a lot? I don't know exatly why, but I think most of the people (with all the crap story we hear on tv) are just scared to be in trouble because of their neighborhood.

[Bevdeforges]

Originally Posted by Mohaka

Yeah about that, I'm not sure this is because of your level in French, this more the way it is here. In France, we don't mix up a lot with our neighborhood, I'm living in my village for about 18 months and I'm only on a "Bonjour" basis with all my neighbors (all my social network is out of my neighborhood). And this is often the cases of all my friends and family around me. Do you see your neighborhood interacting a lot? I don't know exatly why, but I think most of the people (with all the crap story we hear on tv) are just scared to be in trouble because of their neighborhood.

It seems to boil down to the social structures here in France. French people never used to move around much. Most people were born, married and died within a fairly small radius. People tend to socialize in France with their families - cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, etc.

For us "furriners" coming to France, we just don't have family in the area so we tend to be out of the loop. The first several years I lived here, I noticed that people all around us had barbecues and parties, and we never were invited. (And my husband has lived in this house much much longer than I have.) It was all family members - and DH's family is all up north. He's considered a bit of an odd bird for having left the area to make his fame and fortune (repressed giggle) in the Paris area.

In the last 5 or 10 years, we've gotten to know the neighbors quite a bit more than before. Partly, the neighborhood has changed over and it's more younger couples just starting their families. At first it was very difficult asking the neighbors to look after our cats when we were away, but now everyone drops off keys with the neighbors when they go away on holiday and we've started asking each other around for apéros. It just takes a while for the social structures here to change.
Cheers,
Bev

[dijid]

Originally Posted by Bevdeforges

It seems to boil down to the social structures here in France. French people never used to move around much. Most people were born, married and died within a fairly small radius. People tend to socialize in France with their families - cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, etc. the social structures here to change.
Cheers,
Bev

I just assumed it was the big imposing walls around everyone's yards/houses. If I didn't have a tall house, I'd have no idea what my neighbor's yards even looked like.