scared to move to Southern France

[Bevdeforges]

Originally Posted by dijid

I just assumed it was the big imposing walls around everyone's yards/houses. If I didn't have a tall house, I'd have no idea what my neighbor's yards even looked like.

Yeah, the tendency to wall in your property really got to me at first. It's definitely the "standard" in the Paris area, and in most of the cities in France as far as I can tell. I guess that's one reason why I like Normandy so much - there are vast open spaces and lots of houses without the walls or high hedges.

But it also helps not to be "the new person" in your neighborhood anymore.
Cheers,
Bev

[Coton90]

Originally Posted by Bevdeforges

Yeah, the tendency to wall in your property really got to me at first. It's definitely the "standard" in the Paris area, and in most of the cities in France as far as I can tell. I guess that's one reason why I like Normandy so much - there are vast open spaces and lots of houses without the walls or high hedges.

Bev

I was under the impression that people walled in their property here mainly for security as well as privacy. Most of the houses here are walled in and burglaries, especially in the summer time, are a problem.

While if a burglar really wants to get into your house, he will but it does make things a bit difficult for him getting heavy items over a wall if he can't get the wall gate open.

Bon Weekend

[Bevdeforges]

Originally Posted by Coton90

I was under the impression that people walled in their property here mainly for security as well as privacy. Most of the houses here are walled in and burglaries, especially in the summer time, are a problem.

While if a burglar really wants to get into your house, he will but it does make things a bit difficult for him getting heavy items over a wall if he can't get the wall gate open.

Bon Weekend

Maybe down south that's why. Up here where I live, the houses built 30 or 40 years ago (like our house) tend to have tall hedges rather than walls. The recently built homes have a sort of combination of walls and hedges, but usually once you get into the enclosed area, it's no problem to open the gate to let yourself out.

DH took out the gates (to the front door and to the driveway area) a long time ago, but I guess we are the only ones on the street here without a fully enclosed yard. The next door neighbors leave their driveway entrance gate open all the time and their "other" gate doesn't seem to lock anyhow, cause that's how we usually pop over to see them. Then again, we have "guard donkeys" who complain loudly if anyone enters the yard and doesn't come over to pay attention to them first.
Cheers,
Bev

[Coton90]

Originally Posted by Bevdeforges

Maybe down south that's why. Up here where I live, the houses built 30 or 40 years ago (like our house) tend to have tall hedges rather than walls. The recently built homes have a sort of combination of walls and hedges, but usually once you get into the enclosed area, it's no problem to open the gate to let yourself out.

DH took out the gates (to the front door and to the driveway area) a long time ago, but I guess we are the only ones on the street here without a fully enclosed yard. The next door neighbors leave their driveway entrance gate open all the time and their "other" gate doesn't seem to lock anyhow, cause that's how we usually pop over to see them. Then again, we have "guard donkeys" who complain loudly if anyone enters the yard and doesn't come over to pay attention to them first.
Cheers,
Bev

Some of the houses here use combinations of walls and hedges but none of the houses are open. On some of the newer gates, like the one my in-laws have, you still need a key or remote to open the gate, even if you're on the inside.

There is a farm about 2 miles away where they just have a chain link fence but several dogs, as well as goats, chickens, a pony, and two very nice large male donkeys. I stop by there on my bike to drop off stale bread for the animals. The lady there says the animals really appreciate it, except for the dogs. She has to put some jam on the bread before they'll eat it.

Cheers

[Zoom]

I'm speechless. Zoom

[barrkat]

Originally Posted by bobbierandy

I was hoping to get some honest opinions from expats in Southern France. My husband has been offered a position there for the next 4 to five years. We currently live in Houston Texas with 2 children. My husband grew up traveling the world with his parents but I do not have these experiences. We would be moving in or around the Nimes area. I have one child in school and am worried about her integration into the school system there and then back into the US system in 5 years. While my husband goes to work everyday I will be home with a toddler and another in school all alone. I know how this will go...he will make friends easily at work and I am afraid I will be isolated and miserable. I have no problems attempting to learn the language but know I do not have an afffinity for learning new languages and it will take me some time. My father spent several years traveling and working in Europe and the Middle East and says that the French are not friendly and especially do not like Americans. Everything I have read on here tells me that it will be tough to make French friends. I guess I was looking for some expats from the US to tell me that it is not nearly as bad as I am imagining it to be in South France. This is a huge financial opportunity for us and would defintely be worth a little misery if you can understand what I mean. I am also a little curious about the cost of living there in comparison to the states specifically Texas which is much lower cost of living than New York or California. Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to read my rants and answers.

You don't say where in the south you're going (another poster seemed to say you were moving to Nîmes?), but I recently returned from living in the Marseille area for a brief period, and I have to say it's the most wonderful place I've ever been! Again, I lived in PACA, but spent time also in the Languedoc, and both areas are astoundingly beautiful, to say nothing of their history, culture or inhabitants (yes, seriously)! A very big adjustment after living in Texas, no doubt, but as long as you make an effort to integrate yourself, you will never regret your time in France/Europe.

I'm afraid that, being childless, unmarried, and a student, I can't offer advice on the topic that's probably most important to you--your family's integration and education. However, I have to say that the absolute best thing any of you can do is, as others have mentioned, to put a lot, lot, lot of effort into your French. Use it at home; practice by joining a conversation group or a sports/art/music/book/whatever club (the local Alliance Française should be able to help with that); keep trying even when you feel incompetent/silly. As long as you're clearly making an effort, most people will be perfectly polite in doing their best to understand/assist you, and you will learn (although it takes some time, to be sure). Also, I found that French manners and social etiquette are often quite different from our own, and are MASSIVELY important in day-to-day interactions; learning and observing social customs (like greeting shop owners/clerks when you walk into an establishment, which felt bizarre to me at first) will go a long way in improving your interpersonal relations. (Then again, you southerners are supposed to be more polite than the rest of us, so you may have an advantage there. )

As for making friends, I think it was a little different for me, since I was there as a student, but again, language skills will go a long way in helping you build relationships (and vice-versa). A lot of the Americans/foreigners I knew were successful finding friends within clubs/interest groups that they joined.

The only people who ever made negative comments (to my face) about my being American were my friends, who were almost always teasing, anyhow. Tourists of all nationalities, Americans included, make natives insane (here as well as there, I should think), and encounters with them were the only times I really heard generalized grumbling about loud/stupid Americans (and Italians, and English, and Koreans...).

I would say that the essential is just to do your best to be open-minded and persistent in your efforts to learn the language/culture, and to remember that there will be (lots of) ups and downs; sometimes it's okay to hate everyone and everything (especially, in France, bureaucracy and the attendant paperwork) and want to hop on the first plane home. But also remember that you have an amazing opportunity to experience what most people don't get to, and that if you make an effort and hang in there, it will likely turn out to be one of the best experiences of your life. Bonne chance !!!

[Zoom]

You don't say where in the south you're going (another poster seemed to say you were moving to Nîmes?)

Dear barrkat, she does mention Nimes in the second line

I recently returned from living in the Marseille area for a brief period, and I have to say it's the most wonderful place I've ever been! Again, I lived in PACA, but spent time also in the Languedoc, and both areas are astoundingly beautiful, to say nothing of their history, culture or inhabitants (yes, seriously)! A very big adjustment after living in Texas, no doubt, but as long as you make an effort to integrate yourself, you will never regret your time in France/Europe

One of the easiest things in the world - falling in love with France

Also, I found that French manners and social etiquette are often quite different from our own, and are MASSIVELY important in day-to-day interactions; learning and observing social customs (like greeting shop owners/clerks when you walk into an establishment, which felt bizarre to me at first) will go a long way in improving your interpersonal relations

This point above is SO IMPORTANT but never mentioned enough or even mentioned AT ALL. I see this ALL THE TIME in my Parisian Neighborhood. First time visitors to Paris do this all the time - not use ANY manners what-so-ever. They toss some coins at the Kiosk guy or Metro ticket selling person, barking out their order, and then wonder why these people act so cold towards them. People like to feel like they're human beings with a little politeness and respect when dealing with the public. It's a no-brainer and once one understands this is how things work it changes EVERYTHING

As for making friends, language skills will go a long way in helping you build relationships (and vice-versa). A lot of the Americans/foreigners I knew were successful finding friends within clubs/interest groups that they joined

.

Also, one of the little secrets in France is that the French know English a lot better than they let on. Many thanks to the Beatles, Stones, Bob Dylan, and Simon/Garfunkel. Seriously, I think 60's massive rock and roll invasion helped a lot with spreading English around France and Europe IMHO. The French, especially in the big cities, know some English (more than they admit) but don't know it PERFECTLY so they like to say they don't speak it at all. Most do - but you have to charm the English out of them

The only people who ever made negative comments (to my face) about my being American were my friends, who were almost always teasing, anyhow. Tourists of all nationalities, Americans included, make natives insane (here as well as there, I should think), and encounters with them were the only times I really heard generalized grumbling about loud/stupid Americans (and Italians, and English, and Koreans...)

.
Americans can drive me crazy - and I was born in America. I like to sit in my Parisian friends little 25 room, 2 star hotel (but thanks to travel writer Rick Steves they're ALWAYS packed to the max, usually with many Americans. Most Americans are great or at least benign but once in a while a horrible creature slips through the cracks. One girl was SO RUDE to my friend - the owner - working the front desk that after about 10 minutes of non-stop, idiotic questions about the hotel I had to step in and kick her and her friend out of the hotel (and out of our neighborhood) We didn't need any low life riff-raft pollute our calm and charming neighborhood. I told her to go find a Hilton or Sheraton (my friend and his wife - who was sitting next to me in the lobby - couldn't thank me enough. I could tell they were starting to look at these 2 clueless girls and think WTF - you renting a room for the night or buying the hotel with all those idiotic questions - a they were just CLUELESS. Someone had to take care of the situation

I would say that the essential is just to do your best to be open-minded and persistent in your efforts to learn the language/culture, and to remember that there will be (lots of) ups and downs; sometimes it's okay to hate everyone and everything (especially, in France, bureaucracy and the attendant paperwork) and want to hop on the first plane home. But also remember that you have an amazing opportunity to experience what most people don't get to, and that if you make an effort and hang in there, it will likely turn out to be one of the best experiences of your life. Bonne chance !!![/QUOTE]

This is GREAT advice. So Ms Houston, how about getting out of your little comfort zone, get a little brave vib going, and make the most of it, Zoom

On top of everything else, how could you not love a country with a beautiful First Lady - Carla Bruni - that had a modeling and musical career - here singing an old 1969 Rolling Stones song (from the "Let it Bleed" album) - before saying yes to Mr. Sarkozy? An Ambitious young lady.....

YouTube - Carla Bruni - You got the silver

[Loladada]

Dear Bobbierandy, You should go! It's a great opportunity! I stayed at my sister's in the South of France last summer. She has been living in France for 10 years now and never bothered learning French. All her friends are Expats. She is very happy with her life. Her other Expat friends have immersed themselves in the culture and language. Well, what I'm trying to say is, you can make it work for you...learn the language or not...your choice...you can be happy either way.

[vanessaf]

I moved to Antibes (near Nice) five months ago. I'm still getting used to things but overall, as Bev and others have pointed out - it's a once in a lifetime experience and it is what you make of it. Learning the language is essential. You will also have to make an effort to get out and meet people - sign up for some classes, try OVS, just get out there. I don't have children so I don't have anything to share about that.

As for French hating Americans - I have not felt that once here. On the contrary, people seem a bit anglophilic (in the broadest sense of the term i.e. are interested in the English language) around here.

There may be many days of frustration - live them but don't let it taint your life. This is something I still struggle with!

Good luck to you.

[Matou]

Even if it is true that it is difficult to get acquainted to one’s neighbourhood in France (even for the French), there are ways around.
One important thing to know is that you will have to make the first step. You can, for instance, brace yourself and formally invite some neighbours or other person you have met somewhere (e.g. at school, etc.) for an “apéro” at your place. Do not invite too much people at a time and try to invite couples rather than singles. If they come, they will normally invite you back to their place as it is polite to do so. If everything goes well you will be able to invite them for a diner or lunch and they should also invite you back… The thing about French is that they are not particularly shy but that they tend to protect their privacy and to respect yours. If you want something you would better ask because usually French people tend to avoid intruding. If you need help you will either have to ask or suggest that you have troubles so one can offer help (and great help you will usually receive).
Another way around is events like “fête des voisins” (i.e. neighbours’ day, the next one will be 27 May 2011 European Neighbours' Day ) where people meet others and socialise. French are not specially against strangers actually they are suspicious of “inconnus” (any unknown persons including French individuals). So the key is to make you “known”. Once you become familiar you will also be a familiar.