French Ettiquette

[frogblogger]

Just a few points inserted in the following to point out that there are important differences within France, regionally, rural/urban, in terms of the formality of an occasion, and of different generations...

Originally Posted by GALLUS

alternatives to ''enchante'' when speaking face to face

- ravi de vous connaitre: happy to meet you (if you have been introduced by a third person or by yourself)
- tres heureux (se) : same as above (quite formal, and used when in a small group)
- (je suis) tres heureux (se) de vous avoir rencontre(e): used when leaving someone you to wish to meet again, after a party or a dinner, and any formal occasion, not when leaving shops and acquaintances

There is a simpler set of formula particularly when in a less 'formal' situation. A simple 'Bonjour', or 'Bonjour Monsieur' in response can suffice. Children would be unlikely to use the more formal versions. In multiple situations from business meetings to simple country parties, I've noticed that the French are employing formal language less and less

Edit: a simple Bonjour from a child to an adult, especially a 'senior' adult, would definitely be considered rude...

table etiquette
- do not do it the French way if you can, use your own etiquette (British or US), be yourself

Sorry - don't understand this. For example it is perfectly acceptable and a compliment to the host for the guests, including foreigners, to mop up their sauce with a piece of bread... although less so chez Bocuse, or more 'upmarket' families, perhaps.

- no big mistakes to me made except asking for crackers when cheese is brought to table (French eat bread with cheese)
-

shopping - retaurants - bars etiquette
- bonjour Monsieur (man) or bonjour Madame (lady or even spinster) or bonjour Messieurs-dames (ladies and gentlemen, when they are any customers already in the shop/bar)

Stating the obvious, this depends on the size of the premises - you wouldn't do this on walking into a Carrefour, of course!

- au revoir, merci, you an also add: bonne journee (have a nice day)

There's a kind of time limit to this when you enter the afternoon, whereupon people will start to say 'Bonne fin de journee' instead... and 'bonne soiree' in the evening.

- when leaving, shop owner whishes you 'bonne journee' , you can answer : pareillement [pa-ray-ye-man) (wishing you the same) or use "merci, vous de meme'', or ''egalement" same meaning.

I've never heard a 'pareillement' in 20 years in southern France/Lyon. 'Merci, a vous aussi' is an alternative to 'merci, vous de meme'.

- au revoir Messieurs-dames : in popular French [orwar msiodam] (addressing all present when leaving) is used when you have directly interacted or spoken to one the guests or shoppers.

In the south especially, when leaving the likes of a boulangerie, you would say this whether or not you had spoken to anyone other than the boulangere.

In colder climes, such as the Savoie, people rarely interract - sometimes people don't even bother to shake hands or do the bise when they know each other. The latter is unheard of in the south, especially in rural areas.

- you might also hear bybye and ciao, which I do not recommend as a first step.

phone etiquette
- receiving calls: allo (just wait and see what the caller wants, do not mention names or quality except in an office, shop, business)
- making calls: allo bonjour, je m'appelle Mr Smith (your identity), je souhaiterais parler a Mademoisellle Cantoni (what you want)
- alternative when making calls: allo bonjour Monsieur (ou Madame) Cantoni (the ID of the other person), est-ce que vous pourriez m'aider? (solliciting assistance), je voudrais visiter la maison de (what do you want)
- alternative when making calls (when you are not sure of the number): allo bonjour, est-ce que je suis bien chez Rasta Hair (your favorite hairdresser)? or est-ce que je suis bien au 01 23 45 67 89?


bonne chance

gallus

[GALLUS]

Hello

I appreciate rollerbahn's comments as they have now become a rule.

Indeed it might be perceived rude to take a bath or even shower in your guest's bathroom without informing them before. Always ask for permission, even if you have been told it is OK before.

For refilling your glass, if you are thirsty indeed, you might suggest that teh wine, spirit, beer, or juice is good, and raise your (almost) empty glass high enough so that your guest would feel obliged to serve you again. I course you would not do that on a formal dinner, and 3 times in 10 minutes or so.

thanks rollerbahn

[frogblogger]

Perceptions can be different! If my host told me to 'faire comme chez vous', and especially if there was an ensuite bathroom or shower room, I wouldn't hesitate. However if there was a separate bathroom I would ask again, simply to ensure I wasn't using the shower just when a member of the family was accustomed to using it before going to work, for example...

A good host will always be attentive to the empty or near empty glasses of his guests . Don't think there is a major difference between French and Anglo-Saxon etiquette in respect of refilling your own glass. On the other hand it is perfectly acceptable for the guest to refill his glass of water...

[Bevdeforges]

You've reminded me of yet another little "gotcha" for newcomers to France.

When visiting a person in their home, you normally confine your visit to the main room where you are being entertained. The French don't normally give "house tours" - something that seems to be the custom in much of the US these days.

Poking around in the "private" parts of the house, to see how it's laid out or just out of curiosity, is considered extremely rude unless your host or hostess suggests a tour of the house (and they rarely do).
Cheers,
Bev

[Claire la richarde]

[QUOTE=rollerbahn;175930]The notion popular or common in the US of 'my house is your house' is not as common in France, and you really must play and welcome the role of guest when invited into someones home. They are happy to serve you as their guest, and you must in turn graciously play your part, meaning make yourself comfortable, but not too comfortable...[QUOTE]

I can definitely second that one!

I was staying with my family at the home of a friend in France whom I have known for many years. She and her husband were busy getting dinner and feeling pressured, as I could tell by the fact that they were starting to bicker. My husband had a headache after the long drive, so rather than interrupt them, I just opened the fridge and took out a bottle of water to give him a cold drink. Well, the reaction! You'd have thought I'd broken in and stolen all their valuables!

Fortunately the wife had lived in Manchester for a year and so was aware that things are done differently in the UK. After they'd calmed down, the incident started quite an interesting discussion on cultural norms and differences.

Anyway, long story short - never help yourself to anything in a French person's home - however well you know them! Even if they say "Faites comme chez vous", there's every chance they don't mean it, not literally, anyway.

[frogblogger]

Originally Posted by Bevdeforges

You've reminded me of yet another little "gotcha" for newcomers to France.

When visiting a person in their home, you normally confine your visit to the main room where you are being entertained. The French don't normally give "house tours" - something that seems to be the custom in much of the US these days.

Poking around in the "private" parts of the house, to see how it's laid out or just out of curiosity, is considered extremely rude unless your host or hostess suggests a tour of the house (and they rarely do).
Cheers,
Bev

Good point, I've very rarely been invited to look round a home by a French host. However Brits often expect this as well as Americans, it seems. As a result I never invite visitors (mostly French) for a guided tour, and it's only after a few pointed remarks from Anglo-Saxon guests that I'm reminded of the custom you mention.

Claire - as a Brit I'm not sure that I would ever open a fridge in my host's home, unless he/she was a close friend. Pretty sure that this just isn't 'done' in the UK, any more than in France?

[Claire la richarde]

Originally Posted by frogblogger

Good point, I've very rarely been invited to look round a home by a French host. However Brits often expect this as well as Americans, it seems. As a result I never invite visitors (mostly French) for a guided tour, and it's only after a few pointed remarks from Anglo-Saxon guests that I'm reminded of the custom you mention.

Claire - as a Brit I'm not sure that I would ever open a fridge in my host's home, unless he/she was a close friend. Pretty sure that this just isn't 'done' in the UK, any more than in France?

On the second point, you're quite right. It does indeed depend on how close your friendship is, and it can depend on the type of people you mix with and the kind of lifestyles you and they have. My friends had mostly been very student-y and even "alternative", both in the UK and in France, with very, very laid-back and informal lifestyles. The friend in the anecdote I met quite separately from my usual circle up until that point in France, and she definitely comes from a background where people do things more formally. I knew that, and should have taken it into consideration. Engage brain first, Claire.

By the way, she did give us the full tour of their apartment when they first moved in, without any prompting!

[frogblogger]

Originally Posted by Claire la richarde

On the second point, you're quite right. It does indeed depend on how close your friendship is, and it can depend on the type of people you mix with and the kind of lifestyles you and they have. My friends had mostly been very student-y and even "alternative", both in the UK and in France, with very, very laid-back and informal lifestyles. The friend in the anecdote I met quite separately from my usual circle up until that point in France, and she definitely comes from a background where people do things more formally. I knew that, and should have taken it into consideration. Engage brain first, Claire.

By the way, she did give us the full tour of their apartment when they first moved in, without any prompting!

I think many Brits have a natural reticence compared to the average American. If anything it's the occasional 'overly direct' approach of the American that can be misunderstood by those of other cultures - especially Asians, but also Europeans to a certain extent.

In fact other than specifics of etiquette, this general point is something that travellers sometimes forget - cultural differences that make body language, tone of voice, gestures, different notions of subtle meaning, so very important. Those differences aren't very great between Western nations, but after living in SE Asia I've certainly come to appreciate their existence... after many clangers dropped.

[Coton90]

Originally Posted by frogblogger

I think many Brits have a natural reticence compared to the average American. If anything it's the occasional 'overly direct' approach of the American that can be misunderstood by those of other cultures - especially Asians, but also Europeans to a certain extent.

In fact other than specifics of etiquette, this general point is something that travellers sometimes forget - cultural differences that make body language, tone of voice, gestures, different notions of subtle meaning, so very important. Those differences aren't very great between Western nations, but after living in SE Asia I've certainly come to appreciate their existence... after many clangers dropped.

Speaking of cultural differences I often hear the word "merde" in France. While it sounds nicer than it's English equivalent, I would never consider using it in mixed company as it indicates lack of good manners and is disrespectful. I'm told that it is not as big a deal in France but I would like to know if this is indeed true; not that I plan on using the word, unless I inadvertantly hit my thumb with a hammer.

When my wife is really upset she often says"Ca c'est le merde de merde", which I find hysterical.

[Bevdeforges]

Originally Posted by Coton90

Speaking of cultural differences I often hear the word "merde" in France. While it sounds nicer than it's English equivalent, I would never consider using it in mixed company as it indicates lack of good manners and is disrespectful. I'm told that it is not as big a deal in France but I would like to know if this is indeed true; not that I plan on using the word, unless I inadvertantly hit my thumb with a hammer.

When my wife is really upset she often says"Ca c'est le merde de merde", which I find hysterical.

While use of the word "merde" does appear to be somewhat more casual in France than its anglo-saxon equivalent, I can say from experience that you should avoid the word at all costs. I think there is something to its use by a "foreigner" (and you will always be a foreigner in France) that transcends any other cultural acceptance of the term.
Cheers,
Bev