Newbie in France

[_Sarah_]

Originally Posted by julialynn

I definitely agree with you about this. I was an exchange student in France about 12 years ago, and it was SO hard to make friends - I think it took me a good 6 months. But the difference is that I still keep in touch with a lot of them. They've truly been friends for life. I'm actually staying with a friend I made while in high school in Lyon, because she's since moved to Paris, and I have to go to the American embassy to get paperwork for the marriage this summer. Meanwhile, I don't think I talk to a single person I went to high school with, and maybe only two or three people I went to college with.

I can completely relate to this. I went on exchange five years ago and ever since my host family has continued to send me emails and keep me up to date with their lives. I'll be back in France with my French husband in November and it's so lovely that I'll be able to catch up with the people who hosted me in their home five years earlier.

I even feel that when I met my husband our relationship developed slowly and tentatively, but now it feels more genuine and solid than anything else in my life...I know that he would never pretend to love me more than he does in order to avoid conflict, like some members of a couple do.
I don't know if Australians are as keen to show friendliness right off the bat as Americans, but I've had Australian friends that I've pretended to get along with, only to discover that they were doing the same thing...these friendships end suddenly with neither of us ever communicating again.

[pepelina]

my advice would be to take your free time and start to learn the language and customs of your area.....make friends at the boulangerie, the pharmacy, the supermarché...learn the routine of the city, town or village where you are living....go to your local Mairie...there probably are expat groups around somewhere...bon courage....

Originally Posted by dixie.martin

Hello everyone!

I've been in France for almost 2 months now, living with my French husband. I thought we'd never finish the visa process and I definitely thought the hard parts were over. How wrong I was! I live in Nord-pas-de-Calais - I've almost had a nervous breakdown in the cheese area of Auchuan - just trying to find something I understood, as well as combating mold problems in our apartment, new found allergies, etc! I spent three months in France last summer, so I guess the "honeymoon phase" of culture shock is over and I am having a really hard time adjusting. Does anyone know of any Americans living near Calais or Dunkerque? I would absolutely love to meet up and just - talk - sometime!

Also, I just graduated with a Bachelor's degree in English with an Emphasis in TESOL, as well as a certificate in TESOL (From Wright State University in Dayton, OH)- any idea on where to get started with the job search? My dream is to teach - and I'm hoping I've taken the right path for this. I just sent in my OFII paperwork and will be expecting an appointment soon. I can read French well, understand it ok if spoken properly and at a slower speed - and I have a horrible time speaking it (how terrible for a TESOL person - my students would be ashamed!) I'm also a photographer and have been advised by a French photographer friend to register as a small business with my local chamber of commerce - as I've had a few photography job offers for summer already

Any general advice on just adjusting? I would be so grateful. My husband works and I find myself quite alone in this little town during the day time. It's time for me to realize this is permanent.

Anyway, thank you for reading - again, I'd be very thankful for any help.
-Dixie

[tinabee]

To see what jobs might be available in your area you can look on the Pole Emploi website. If you use the advanced search facility you can put "anglais" in the keyword field to see which jobs require English. You can then ask to be informed by email when jobs matching your search criteria are listed. As you can imagine, a majority of the results will be for teaching or training jobs.

[contentedscot]

Originally Posted by tinabee

To see what jobs might be available in your area you can look on the Pole Emploi website. If you use the advanced search facility you can put "anglais" in the keyword field to see which jobs require English. You can then ask to be informed by email when jobs matching your search criteria are listed. As you can imagine, a majority of the results will be for teaching or training jobs.

To be more specific you can quote job codes K2111 for teaching English adults and K2107 for English for children on the pole emploi website. There are some good contracts for kids who need to be taught at home because they are unable to attend school

[Rosfrog]

Hey there - Welcome to France! You'll probably still be going through the 'I can't stand the way everything happens here' phase years down the line. Generally, the frustrations get fewer as time goes by and you'll need to be careful of not seeing your home country with rose-tinted spectacles when comparing with France - you may get a nasty shock when you go back for visits - I know I have!

Beyond that, here are my tips for the integration process :
1. Speak the language as much as you can until you reach fluency. Make as many mistakes as you can and be totally bold about it. The sooner you're fluent, the sooner you can function normally.
2. Try not to compare your home country and France - it doesn't help you feel any better and doesn't solve your problem (I complained about a quote for double glazing last year telling the guy I could get it for a fifth of the price in England - his response was - quite rightly - "buy it there, then" - it was a good wake up call!)
3. Join an association if you can - perhaps for your photography? This will help you meet the same group of native French speakers over and over again on a weekly basis - this may help you shorten the friend making process.
4. On the work front - think about teaching English privately if you can't find a job in the meantime. It's fairly easy to find work doing this and you can register with the local URSSAF as a self-employed teacher if you have a work Visa.
5. Eat lots of cheese, drink lots of fabulous wine. Love every second of it - it's a great place to be.

[dixie.martin]

Ahh, what wonderful advice! The wine & cheese here (as well as the amazing prices for both) are a HUGE bonus! French wine back home was just out of my price range - now I can't imagine drinking anything other than my Bordeaux or my Côtes du Rhône

Seriously though, thank you to everyone for the advice. I will start searching with the job codes (as I am fully qualified to teach English to foreign learners - with experience) and I'm already getting a few small offers on photo jobs. If I would have stayed back home, I'd never get this chance to do what I'm passionate about - that in itself is a plus! (I'd still be in grad school, racking up that student loan debt!)

Things have gotten a little better - I think it has a lot to do with the weather. This cold and rainy thing in May really threw me off (when I left the US, it was about 95F everyday - it's reached 80 twice now I think here in the north). But there's been a lot more sun, which means it's much easier to get out walking and photographing and buying more delicious bread.

Thanks again to all I'm grateful.

Originally Posted by Rosfrog

Hey there - Welcome to France! You'll probably still be going through the 'I can't stand the way everything happens here' phase years down the line. Generally, the frustrations get fewer as time goes by and you'll need to be careful of not seeing your home country with rose-tinted spectacles when comparing with France - you may get a nasty shock when you go back for visits - I know I have!

Beyond that, here are my tips for the integration process :
1. Speak the language as much as you can until you reach fluency. Make as many mistakes as you can and be totally bold about it. The sooner you're fluent, the sooner you can function normally.
2. Try not to compare your home country and France - it doesn't help you feel any better and doesn't solve your problem (I complained about a quote for double glazing last year telling the guy I could get it for a fifth of the price in England - his response was - quite rightly - "buy it there, then" - it was a good wake up call!)
3. Join an association if you can - perhaps for your photography? This will help you meet the same group of native French speakers over and over again on a weekly basis - this may help you shorten the friend making process.
4. On the work front - think about teaching English privately if you can't find a job in the meantime. It's fairly easy to find work doing this and you can register with the local URSSAF as a self-employed teacher if you have a work Visa.
5. Eat lots of cheese, drink lots of fabulous wine. Love every second of it - it's a great place to be.

[Gregoire]

Hi Dixie:

I'm not living in France (again) yet (i.e. I used to live there, and plan to move back), but I would only add the following recommendation to what others have said:

Become fluent in French as quickly as possible.

I eventually became fluent to the point of being able to pass for French -- and it became an entirely different experience. The French (how's this for sweeping generalizations?) are a very proud people, and Americans (especially tourists) tend to exhibit a "superiority complex". It's not a good mix.

Bonne chance!
- Gregoire

[dixie.martin]

Ahh the Americans and the French are both very proud I've noticed! Honestly though, I think they more often confuse me for a Brit - no one, NO ONE believes I'm American. And then they act all surprised, like I'm a red zebra at the zoo or something. It's a bit funny!

But yes, I totally understand and agree! I've been studying French for years at university, and my husband and I actually met by becoming penpals to help improve our language skills (his French, my English). He says that I "speak French." I understand most of it, and I get so terrified of speaking it - but I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care if my conjugations are correct - I'm going to try it anyway! And I've found that a. I get corrected sternly, and b. people are terribly impressed that I'm trying and are often very friendly about it.

I would never dream of moving to another country and not becoming fluent in their language and respecting their culture. So yes, fluency is the number one goal

Merci encore.

Originally Posted by Gregoire

Hi Dixie:

I'm not living in France (again) yet (i.e. I used to live there, and plan to move back), but I would only add the following recommendation to what others have said:

Become fluent in French as quickly as possible.

I eventually became fluent to the point of being able to pass for French -- and it became an entirely different experience. The French (how's this for sweeping generalizations?) are a very proud people, and Americans (especially tourists) tend to exhibit a "superiority complex". It's not a good mix.

Bonne chance!
- Gregoire

[Lexa]

Originally Posted by julialynn

I really feel for you dixie. Despite having a good grasp on the French language, trying to apply for the long stay visitor visa just so my fiancé and I can get married this summer has been a complete nightmare. Reading your post has made me realize the paperwork nightmare has yet to truly begin for me. Sigh. To top it off, I'm moving to a small town in southwestern France where I'm likely to be the only American for many miles (my fiancé's in the French air force, so I'm basically moving to a town that's based mainly off the military base). I'm sure things will get better though. The AVF thing sounds promising, especially because I admit I am nervous about moving to a small town where I know absolutely no one other than my soon-to-be husband and going crazy since I won't be able to work for the first months.

Hi Julialynn,

Where are you going to settle down in the Southwest of France? In France, Americans are much more spread out than we can believe it. I actually live around Bordeaux (SW) not far away from a French Air Force base and as americans we are actually quite numerous but so is the international community in general.
You shouldn't worry about meeting americans in the SouthWest. The local US Consulats are of get help for contacts.

Regards,
Lexa

[Bevdeforges]

Originally Posted by dixie.martin

- but I'm finally getting to the point where I don't care if my conjugations are correct - I'm going to try it anyway! And I've found that a. I get corrected sternly, and b. people are terribly impressed that I'm trying and are often very friendly about it.

THAT is the magic point where you can finally say you speak French! If you worry about the conjugations and endings and liaisons, you're still just doing language exercises in your head.

Just express yourself - and if the verb comes out wrong, tough noogies. If the person you're speaking to understood what you meant, you've done it! Progress from that point is automatic and fairly painless. But getting to that point is the really tough part.
Cheers,
Bev