Divorce, Separation etc!!!

[Suey]

Hey guys,

I hope this is not a sensitive topic, been looking at posts on this forum and have also met a couple of people on the job. For some reason, a big percentage of the expats here are divorced, separated or going through it? So my questions are:
Is it that expats work too much and have no time for their families or spouses? Is it distance for the ones that are not together, is it the mixed marriages or is it simply infidelity? What is it?
Please give constructive not destructive response, this could help some us not make the same mistakes.

Thanks.

[zeesh2]

Well Suey, that is a difficult one to answer. Not sure if its one reason but of course a big factor is the glam doll and made up life that Dubai offers and of course the high-fliers alongwith the support staff that they bring along!

Honestly relationships will undergo much bruising if people decide that they want more than what they have. And in a place like Dubai where you have a lot of people mixing up more for a lot of reasons, a lot of jobs involving selling and more selling, ethics and sensibilities take a back seat. Plus when you have a lot of fishy characters who want to be in on the money and action you see this happening.

A melting pot of cultures - yes Dubai is certainly one. But a lot of people leave their inhibitions aside from where they are coming from and this country is then seen as a land of parties and fun and sin of course.
I am originally from Pakistan and you wouldnt believe it but a lot of young unmarried (and some married men) men take a break here for fun and parties and naturally sex.

I guess a lot of factors contribute, but simply following a hedonistic policy will naturally result in a lot of suffering and broken relationships.

Tks,
Zeeshan

[dsackman]

Originally Posted by Suey

Hey guys,

I hope this is not a sensitive topic, been looking at posts on this forum and have also met a couple of people on the job. For some reason, a big percentage of the expats here are divorced, separated or going through it? So my questions are:
Is it that expats work too much and have no time for their families or spouses? Is it distance for the ones that are not together, is it the mixed marriages or is it simply infidelity? What is it?
Please give constructive not destructive response, this could help some us not make the same mistakes.

Thanks.

How many people were not divorced or seperated BEFORE they move to Dubai? It is a good place to flee from a relationship that went bad (abusive) or fleeing financial responsibilities. And yes, the parties, booze and casual sex does help you to forget.


.

[mom2tmy]

Hi Suey,
It's funny that you brought up this topic. While I have no words of wisdom to add, I was surprised to read this post as my son has mentioned this so many times. He's a ninth grader in an American school here in Dubai and he seems disturbed that half his friends have divorced/seperated parents and the other half seem to be in the process of getting a divorce!

I tend to agree with Zeeshan here regarding the effect of the lifestyle in Dubai on people. I would say there are two factors:
1- People being away from their own communities and thus not feeling under pressure to "conform" to any prevailing social norms; basically "anything goes"
2- Incomes in dubai are relatively higher than those in home countries and with the warm weather and the over-emphasis on the "glam" and "hip", it has the feeling of a partying culture rather than a serious, homemaking family culture.

The last point I have felt very strongly with my kids' friends. Their parents seem to give a lot of leeway with things that I see as defying common sense for safety and good child rearing practices. Children being left unsupervised in public areas, allowed to stay out till after midnight in malls, taking taxis alone, in some cases even parents allowing teenagers to serve alcohol at home parties!!! This I think is not a matter of what culture you are coming from, this is people letting go of any rules that confines them, good or bad.

It seems people in Dubai are so busy having fun, going to parties, going to the beach, socializing, etc... that they have no time for even their own kids. It is no wonder then that they would be changing spouses easily!

[zeesh2]

Hi Mom2tmy,

I think you have said it very well in your post. I agree with this totally, its unfortunate that these things are happening on this scale but somehow somewhere someone has to understand the consequence of their actions....if this is not done then tragedy unfolds....

What people fail to understand is that in divorces/separations the kids suffer the most. While I am not suggesting that a husband and wife should continue to live together if they have irreversible difference, but in the whole quarrel and argument that brews between husband and wife the children are completely forgotten.....

Oh well, this will continue to confound us.....

[Suey]

So basically it comes down to the lifestyle here and people not valuing marriage anymore?
It just makes one really think twice about marriage or even just trusting anyone here..it is absurd, is'nt?

[zeesh2]

Well...I guess its more like trying to keep a check on oneself, remaining sane and sober in these times, knowing the impact of your actions. This is where the concept of self-control comes in, something that religion teaches us....otherwise what is there to prevent someone from doing anything that he/she wants? A conscience yes does help but on an overall basis there has to be a 'fear of God" as we say....

I dont know these are my thoughts on the subject.....

[Suey]

Originally Posted by zeesh2

Well...I guess its more like trying to keep a check on oneself, remaining sane and sober in these times, knowing the impact of your actions. This is where the concept of self-control comes in, something that religion teaches us....otherwise what is there to prevent someone from doing anything that he/she wants? A conscience yes does help but on an overall basis there has to be a 'fear of God" as we say....

I dont know these are my thoughts on the subject.....

Yeah, I guess it can be looked at in different perspectives, for me i wouldnt only just say 'fear of God''..but simply say overall there has to be respect for each other as human beings..

[zeesh2]

True and i cant agree with you more, but religion also guides us towards being better human beings and more understanding and respectful of each other. There has to be accountability of some sort here, in the absence of that very few people will feel actually want to try and remain good......
If only one could understand the consequence of an action, no matter how small we perceive it to be, like a quick series of images flitting through the mind, it should set things into perspective. A minute of bliss can overshadow a lifetime of hard work and effort that goes into a relationship and all the collateral that comes with it..

Pity isnt it....

[Suey]

Originally Posted by zeesh2

True and i cant agree with you more, but religion also guides us towards being better human beings and more understanding and respectful of each other. There has to be accountability of some sort here, in the absence of that very few people will feel actually want to try and remain good......
If only one could understand the consequence of an action, no matter how small we perceive it to be, like a quick series of images flitting through the mind, it should set things into perspective. A minute of bliss can overshadow a lifetime of hard work and effort that goes into a relationship and all the collateral that comes with it..

Pity isnt it....

true true true!!