The nice shippers (or their reps) came...

[tmrei]

They came. They packed. They left. I’m still sitting here. Now I’m kind of freaked out. For those of you who are still trying to go to Australia forgive me, this is going to sound like a luxury problem, because obviously “I’m going”. I am just finding myself liking this forum for stress reduction. Although it would amaze me anyone would even read my long winded rambling posts. …I never quite got people who blogged…but I might just be a natural…I can see the appeal.

So here’s where I am. Last night I spent hours reading about the problems in Australia. It was a big mistake, but not an unusual pattern for me. You know those horrible illness you or your loved ones suddenly have when you look up the symptoms on line…I’m the one investigating those illness. I usually give myself a moratorium on internet research. But at 2am when you cannot sleep…what do you do? Well I know what I do. I first try to meditate and be quiet…I’ve been telling myself its practice for the 14 hour plane ride. Then when I cannot sit still any longer I try to read, but always trying to stay away from the computer “No, Tiffany you know what will happen…” And inevitably I succumb and last night I could not have read more negative press (including what don't you like about australia here, but that was tame in comparison)…So for a variety of reasons last night I was in doubt mode. Doubt about finances. Doubt about my husband liking Australia (God knows I’m going first and I don’t even know if I am going like it, but I’m worried about him). Doubt and a sudden horrifying embarrassment about my spoiled American ways. I live so simply in a tiny 1BR apartment and I don’t have expensive “things” unlike others here in LA, but truthfully I like my fast internet connection (see the irony there) I like shopping with coupons and getting my groceries for 50% less, I love my little 2006 Honda Civic with GPS…I am suddenly beset with fears that I will be like those terrible American travelers that my parents (both travel agents) used to face all the time. They wanted to “travel” but also have things be like they are at “home.” Ugh. Truthfully I’m pretty flexible, but you get used to a way of life. And suddenly…well I’m just realizing how spoiled I am—we are. Not irreparably so, but still…and I’m worried.

And in my own defense (um, who am I fighting with?)—this is NORMAL. Not only do I know how normal it is, I can give you the psychological theory that can explain my doubt. Good old systems theory. Any time you try to make a change there is a number of processes that are going to try and pull at you and return everything to status quo. And with my stuff on its way to Australia, this would not be a good time to ‘change my mind’. Also….I didn’t sleep last night, so I’m indulging myself by sitting here writing this because I’m hoping if I empty my head I’ll know what to do next…

If you read all that, may your day be a good one and may you have at least momentary clarity about your next right step…because that is what I’m missing. I cannot wait to get there and start working… hopefully at least then I’ll have some idea of the next “right step.”

I hope no one feels this is all a waste of forum space...but then again if you do, I suppose you would not have read to this point and I need not apologize to you

Best,

Tiffany in the US for about another 4-5 weeks and then on her way to melbourne...tomorrow I get my airline tix...God I hope I sleep...

[Tiffani]

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Tiffany -- you are the only person in the entire world who has ever felt this way

So let me tell you a couple things in all seriousness and I think most (if not all) of the rest of the forum will echo this:
1. you are moving to the other side of the world. In spite of your friends' problems, that is BIG. On top of that, you lack support from your family and you won't be resting your head on your husband's shoulder on the way over. That's REALLY big. Doubts are perfectly normal for anyone who is making a change of this magnitude not even taking into account the extra difficulties you are facing with it.

2. Like you said, it's NORMAL. And I hate to break it to you, but there will be times after you've arrived when you question your decision and you want to scream "THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL CRAZY!!!!" And you'll mean it. At the time.

3. If you want to read about the exploits of someone who is absolutely dying to get here but, despite her arachnophobia, feels the need to explore every possible type of poisonous spider in Australia, see "Scottishcelts". She can advise It's pretty typical: pick your phobia, research it till you're convinced you're doing to die a horrible, untimely death, and panic. Then remind yourself that you are statistically far more likely to die in your Honda than from a spider bite (or snake bite, or drowning -- although I would be careful in Aussie waters), calm the hell down, and get on with it

4. If your husband supports your decision to move, he's obviously happy about it. Don't feel guilty on his account; that will just make him feel bad!

5. There is no "right" or "wrong" step. You just do it. Moving abroad is morally neutral. if it's not what you want in the long run, you can always move home. But don't worry about doing what's right or wrong. If you feel that you're making the right move, deep down, in your gut, you probably are.

6. There are things I don't like about Australia, and there are things I don't like about the US. But choosing between a place with a stable economy and expensive internet vs cheap internet in a tanking economy, it's kind of a no-brainer...

You'll be fine. Any idea when hubby will be able to join you?

[kaz101]

Oh Tiffany....

I'm just flying by myself to the USA for a conference and I'm driving myself crazy.... What will I forget, what if the dress code is different since I can only pack 15kgs (Aussie domestic flight), etc....

And the really funny thing - I write newsletters about conquering your fears

A very wise woman once told me the secret of her happy life.
Are you listening?
Paying close attention?
Ready for this?....

Trust yourself. She said that was it. Trust yourself that you'll make the right choice whatever you do. Hindsight is an amazing thing but we don't have it until later Trust yourself that you'll make the right decision always, and then another and another. She was the most amazingly together woman I have ever met.

We thought about what if we chose the wrong place? The answer? Australia is a vast and diverse place. Drive 400km to the East and we're in Melbourne , a thriving metropolitan city, 400kms to the North West you're in Adelaide, a laid back beautiful city. That just shows how different it can be in a relatively small area.

You will be fine - you'll actually be great but you may not believe that
We've been there, been through the fear stuff, and come out stronger.
You may not have your husband but you have a bunch of complete strangers who are on your side and around at most times of the day or night !

Trust yourself. This is going to be great.
And yes I'm telling myself the same thing too!

Regards,
Karen

[tmrei]

Tiffani and Karen...

Ah such wisdom. I'm a few hours from the last meltdown...which in comparison to true meltdowns (I've witnessed those) was pretty minimal. it is all true what you both say...and yes, I too, have said the same types of things to others. Like Karen it's part of my job. Truth be told though sometimes it feels good to hear it. That's why so many self-help books say the same things. We all just feel better hearing it. and it's the connection that makes the difference. I feel that thanks to the two of you.

so guess what...I may have just got myself $1,000 more for my car. Right after I wrote the above --the next right step came to me, I called a honda dealer. CARMAX was going to offer me 14K and I wanted 15- (I need every bit I can get for the move.) I had made calls earlier but ended up empty. I tried one more and met this very sweet man. I ended up with a contact of a man whose going to meet me on Sat to give me 15. Not a bad reminder that things will be okay. Certainly Sat. the guy could no show..but for today I'm taking it as evidence that things will fall into place.

Good luck Karen--where in the US...what kind of conference? I send you the very best wishes that it could be all you'd hope for.

And Tiffani...that is the the magic question. I'll tell you more when I'm on the other end...that might be a 'coffee' thing. Hopefully very very very soon!

I showed my guy your beautiful dog...he really is gorgeous.

[tmrei]

Tiffani...your dog, not my guy...well my guy's not bad. but that sentence didn't read right : )

[Tiffani]

Originally Posted by tmrei

Tiffani and Karen...

Ah such wisdom. I'm a few hours from the last meltdown...which in comparison to true meltdowns (I've witnessed those) was pretty minimal. it is all true what you both say...and yes, I too, have said the same types of things to others. Like Karen it's part of my job. Truth be told though sometimes it feels good to hear it. That's why so many self-help books say the same things. We all just feel better hearing it. and it's the connection that makes the difference. I feel that thanks to the two of you.

so guess what...I may have just got myself $1,000 more for my car. Right after I wrote the above --the next right step came to me, I called a honda dealer. CARMAX was going to offer me 14K and I wanted 15- (I need every bit I can get for the move.) I had made calls earlier but ended up empty. I tried one more and met this very sweet man. I ended up with a contact of a man whose going to meet me on Sat to give me 15. Not a bad reminder that things will be okay. Certainly Sat. the guy could no show..but for today I'm taking it as evidence that things will fall into place.

Good luck Karen--where in the US...what kind of conference? I send you the very best wishes that it could be all you'd hope for.

And Tiffani...that is the the magic question. I'll tell you more when I'm on the other end...that might be a 'coffee' thing. Hopefully very very very soon!

I showed my guy your beautiful dog...he really is gorgeous.

Yes, as a psychologist of course you know that what you're going through is normal and there's nothing weird about you But you're right, it's nice to hear it and have support from others. It's also easier said than done to just relax when you're in the middle of possibly the biggest upheaval of your life.

good luck selling the car. Selling our cars was a biggie too. Edo (my partner) ended up selling his for the amount he wanted, and I ended up giving mine to my Mom (it is a bit older and had a lot of mileage, and she needed a car). It was also a 'thank you" for them agreeing to keep Silver for several months. i hope the guy comes and is serious, but worst case scenario, at least Carmax will give you close to what you want for it. If it becomes a desperate situation, you can always go with them.

Sure, "coffee" it is I figured there was a pretty long back story and I didn't want to intrude, but I bet you're pretty anxious to have him with you!

Thanks for the compliments about Silver. She's doing really well in quarantine (just 10 more days to go!) and she's lost 5 lbs That's a good thing because my parents spoiled her rotten and she gained about 15 LOL So she's got about 7 or 8 more to go and then I'll be really happy with her weight again.

[Tiffani]

Originally Posted by tmrei

Tiffani...your dog, not my guy...well my guy's not bad. but that sentence didn't read right : )

LOL I knew what you meant

[kaz101]

Originally Posted by tmrei

Good luck Karen--where in the US...what kind of conference? I send you the very best wishes that it could be all you'd hope for.

I'm going to David Neagle's Experience the Reality of Success in Las Vegas. I heard of him through Success University and loved his free teleseminars and thought how much more powerful would it be face to face. Just doing his teleseminars helped me to become to a published co-author because that would have been an opportunity that I would have usually passed up on.

I know this is going to be an incredible conference.

Regards,
Karen

[anj1976]

Hi Tiffany,
Think this way, worse come scenario, you wont like it, what would happen? you can always come back, there is no restriction on that. Be positive and go with the flow.

As I said i my earlier post, it happens for good.... and at times the good is nicely hidden, for us to see or realise it.

As for dying of some stupid snake bite or a spider haunting you, dont forget this ever that death can never be stopped, when it has to come, it will, no matter how much one runs from it. We are all born with a life span which is written for us already, if one has to live 90, he will, no matter how much he try to end it, and if one has to live 20, he wont live to be 21, no matter what... One faces danger in every step one takes, like crossing the road, sitting under the fan, crossing a construction site, anything can happen anywhere, does not mean we stop leaving our house and sit in an enclosed space. Its just that we try and be in our comfortable zone all our lives, to make sure if we have a flu, we know which doc to go to, or if we need a thread to put that button that came off our favorite pants, we know where we would get the right color etc. But there are people living in the area that you are so looking forward to settle in, and that city is their comfort zone and will be yours too soon.

[Dolly]

Originally Posted by Tiffani

{{{{Hugs}}}}

Tiffany -- you are the only person in the entire world who has ever felt this way

So let me tell you a couple things in all seriousness and I think most (if not all) of the rest of the forum will echo this:
1. you are moving to the other side of the world. In spite of your friends' problems, that is BIG. On top of that, you lack support from your family and you won't be resting your head on your husband's shoulder on the way over. That's REALLY big. Doubts are perfectly normal for anyone who is making a change of this magnitude not even taking into account the extra difficulties you are facing with it.

2. Like you said, it's NORMAL. And I hate to break it to you, but there will be times after you've arrived when you question your decision and you want to scream "THESE PEOPLE ARE ALL CRAZY!!!!" And you'll mean it. At the time.

3. If you want to read about the exploits of someone who is absolutely dying to get here but, despite her arachnophobia, feels the need to explore every possible type of poisonous spider in Australia, see "Scottishcelts". She can advise It's pretty typical: pick your phobia, research it till you're convinced you're doing to die a horrible, untimely death, and panic. Then remind yourself that you are statistically far more likely to die in your Honda than from a spider bite (or snake bite, or drowning -- although I would be careful in Aussie waters), calm the hell down, and get on with it

4. If your husband supports your decision to move, he's obviously happy about it. Don't feel guilty on his account; that will just make him feel bad!

5. There is no "right" or "wrong" step. You just do it. Moving abroad is morally neutral. if it's not what you want in the long run, you can always move home. But don't worry about doing what's right or wrong. If you feel that you're making the right move, deep down, in your gut, you probably are.

6. There are things I don't like about Australia, and there are things I don't like about the US. But choosing between a place with a stable economy and expensive internet vs cheap internet in a tanking economy, it's kind of a no-brainer...

You'll be fine. Any idea when hubby will be able to join you?

What she said......

Trust me, if you weren't going through the 'what the "insert any expletive you like" am I doing' syndrome you're a better woman than me. For most of us it's jumping into the great unknown without a parachute...but we all get through it and make it over still intact. I can honestly say that, although I miss my friends and family heaps, I absolutely love it here and all the shed tears, heartache, worry etc that led us to this point, has all been worth it.

It'll be OK......I promise.

Dolly