Have any of you experienced this...

[CandiceR]

Hi there,

My husband, two children and I were granted our permanent resident visa's for Australia in March 2008. We are South Africans.
We made what was possibly an emotional decission to emigrate to Australia when my husbands sister was held up in her own home in Johannesburg and a few weeks later we were robbed whilst we were asleep in our home in East London.
Since our visit to Australia in 2008, I have been very keen to move and give my children a safe and more stable future as I feel the political situation in our Country is somewhat volitile to say the least.
My husband however, does not feel the same way. The reason for this is that he has worked very hard for everything he has achieved i.e. He studied for many years to become a Chartered Accountant and has built himself up to be a Partner of a very good firm in our town. He is doing well financially and we don't want for anything. He resigned from this firm in November last year and I thought we were all on track to leave at the beginning of May this year - we've even told our families the news, but two days ago, he backtracked completely. I can understand the fear of the unknown and not having a support system on "the other" as well has we would be at a financial disadvantage for a while and he may not have the freedoms that he as with his current work position, but I don't understand why he doesn't see the deteriorations in this Country.
Unfortunately, I cannot really go into detail with what a lot of my "issues" are for wanting to make such a drastic change to our lives because it may offend a lot of people, but I think it's safe to say that my husband and I have a complete fundamental difference in our value system so to speak.
I think if he did agree to continue with the move, he would resent me forever, especially if he hated it and wanted to move back and I think that I would resent him if he decided not to make the move because I feel like I would be letting an amazing opportunity slip through my fingers - almost like killing a dream.
I have made an appointment for us to see a councellor next week, but I am not sure that it will help as no one will change the way either of us feels about the situation.
Has anybody else had a dilemma like this?
I really am not sure where to go from here...

[Weebie]

I think you really are putting too much emphasis on an Australia that simply doesn't exist. I feel safer walking the Northern Suburbs of a Johannesburg than I do many parts of Perth. Even this morning South of Perth a poor 16 year old kid was year on by 20 youths and murdered.

Don't expect Australia to be a crime free utopia because it's not. Even last week a mate of mine was stabbed by 4 aboriginal woman. And where I live our house will get robbed on average once a year.

Surely things are getting better in RSA post Mbeki?

[The Brit in Aus]

Originally Posted by Weebie

Don't expect Australia to be a crime free utopia because it's not. Even last week a mate of mine was stabbed by 4 aboriginal woman. And where I live our house will get robbed on average once a year.

Surely things are getting better in RSA post Mbeki?

That is bad. What area do you live in ?

Some parts of Australia do obviously have more problems than others.

I also expect that some parts of London will be worse than others, East London not being the best from my memory

[The Brit in Aus]

Originally Posted by Weebie

Even this morning South of Perth a poor 16 year old kid was year on by 20 youths and murdered.

Was that the same as this one this morning, or a different one ?

A 17-year-old boy has been fatally stabbed in Halls Head in Mandurah, south of Perth.

Police say the teenager was out with a group of friends late last night when it is believed they started throwing rocks at street signs.

One of the rocks hit a passing car, which then turned into the driveway of a nearby house.

A short time later a man from the house confronted the group and became involved in an altercation.

It is believed the teenager was fatally stabbed during the altercation.
Teen fatally stabbed south of Perth - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)

If different, do you have a link to your story ?

[CandiceR]

Hi again,

I am not from London at all. I am from South Africa, Eastern Cape - a small City called East London.

I have no disolusions that Australia has crime - no Country in the World is exempt from that! It is the type of crime that varies. We have to deal with a different type of brutal crime - only someone that has lived in South Africa will know and understand the brutality and corruption that goes on.

Anyway, my issue is that of the differences my husband and I have over the subject of immigration as mentioned in my first post.

If anyone has had similar emotional issues and managed to find some solution, please reply to my thread...

[CandiceR]

And another thing - not everyone wants to emigrate to Perth! I didn't find Perth to be a place that I would consider settling. I would like to venture towards NSW, Newcastle, Hunter Valley region...

[The Brit in Aus]

Originally Posted by CandiceR

Hi again,

I am not from London at all. I am from South Africa, Eastern Cape - a small City called East London.
...
If anyone has had similar emotional issues and managed to find some solution, please reply to my thread...

oops , too many East Londons in the World. I lived the the UK one many years ago.

The main topic of your question is a difficult one, a very difficult one; when two people have such different views on the subject.

People who have been in your similar situation, may not wish to say much about it, but the counselling route is a very good option. It may allow ideas to come out that can help you both, or one of you, to see the others perspective. Without that outside guidance, it can be very difficult at times for one to see why the other won't see what they see, or think.

Allow an open mind on counselling, it actually can work, not always of course, but it can. I once thought that it never could, but I was wrong, and if it can work for you that would be good.

Just a thought, how would you both be, if you were to say you would try it here for 2-3 years, and then return if he still felt the way he does. That way he gets to come here, without that commitment, call it a long holiday, where he can do a bit of work. And... does he like drinking wine ? after a few months in the Hunter Valley wine region, he may never want to leave... It is nice down there.

I am trying to think which of those wineries I was visiting when I made my decision to migrate here

I wish you the best of luck

[anneteoh]

This is a very touching account especially as your children are involved. I can see how difficult it all is. Your husband has sunk his roots in SA and, perhaps, if I may say so, he's a man proud of his achievements and secure in his career in SA. He's afraid to take risks in a new territory and he feels totally at home in SA where his social, professional and family connections might be very strong and binding. He probably believes in continuity and belonging so however unsettling SA is at the moment, he believes it'll get better or he can make it better. He does not see the odds against that as you have speculated. He's probably also better integrated into SA culture and tradition than you are. He feels his own children are SAfrikans and can do great things for the country like himself.

There's also a big difference in gender and attitude for most of us ( though some lucky ones have overcome the great divide ). You're using your female instincts to predict the future and probably your maternal instincts drive you to want to protect your children from being in harm's way. Women are generally more open to changes than men, especially the more conservative ones. You want a new life with a secure future for yourselves and children in lovely, sunny and economically vibrant Oz and no one can blame you.

You're more adventurous and have a short term view while your husband is deeply conservative and thinks for the long term.

Perhaps you can seek help from the social services available in Oz to help ease the settling of immigrants to Australia. I'm sure there must be some. You might also take the whole thing step by step to assure your husband he can make a commitment to being an Australian and that the benefits outweigh the uncertainties of the present in the long run.

Lastly, if it helps, can you retain you SA citizenship till you both come to an agreement before ditching one for the other. Good luck and all the best.

[CandiceR]

Originally Posted by CandiceR

And another thing - not everyone wants to emigrate to Perth! I didn't find Perth to be a place that I would consider settling. I would like to venture towards NSW, Newcastle, Hunter Valley region...

Are you guys psychologists?

My husband and I read your comments and they all make so much sense!

I particularly love the comments regarding the wine! We both adore red wine!!! If only we could use that as a serious reason to emigrate!

We are heading for the councellor on Tuesday morning.....

I promise I will keep you all posted!

Thanks!

[The Brit in Aus]

Originally Posted by CandiceR

I particularly love the comments regarding the wine! We both adore red wine!!! If only we could use that as a serious reason to emigrate!

Who needs a serious reason, wine is as good a reason as any

Come for the moment, see what happens, nothing has to be for ever