For those that left children behind

[Tiff]

My son is staying behind, and I don't know how I am going to cope. I have all the feelings associated with leaving ie stress, guilt, worry etc

I know, if I don't leave now, I never will. I am hoping my son will come over sooner then later. He has a visa, but wishes to finish school (he will be 17)etc. I was hoping he would come for a visit and wish to stay....

If any of you left your children, how did you cope?

[northern mover]

Hi Tiff,
oh how i feel for you.
My son is 18, finished school, and deciding on a life of loafing! After many episodes of sulking, arguments and temper tantrums (mine), he has agreed to go, for 1 year.
I know it's selfish, and i wish the guilt tripping wasn't necessary, my boy is a stubborn ass, but he loves his mammy.......
Your boy sounds a sensible young man; finishing his education, getting his qualifications, and thereby improving his own chances when he DOES move. I bet he does.
A year flies by, and you have so many ways of staying in touch these days.
My friend is in a similar situation, her kids (17 and 20) are having a holday in Perth, then coming home, leaving her with the 3 younger ones. Her husband will also return to the UK, temporarily.
I hope all goes well for you
Jane

[Tiff]

Thanks for your reply Jane. It's good to see I am not alone. What an awful feeling it is.

[jabba]

Hey Hun
I am going ALONE initially then my husband and two youngest are joining me in time for xmas, my 16yr old son is also agreeing to come under sufferance for one year and I am leaving my 20yr old daughter(who says I am abandoning her!!) and my 22yr old son here. I know I will struggle but they are grown and would leave me for love or work and anyway thats what parenting is all about you have to let them go having said that I don't know whether I would leave the 17yr old I would use blackmail and the thought of australian babes to get him there---worked for me lol
Good Luck

[Tiff]

Thanks for you reply Jabba. I am kind of getting used to the idea now. He is coming out to validate his visa with me in August. I have already booked his tickets for Christmas (£1600 eek). I have bought him a laptop with webcam.... So at least I am being pro active.

I tried the Aussie babes scenario but alas no joy. But it is good to know there are a few of us out there in the same position.

[mden]

Hi Tiff, hope you are feeling better.
I can understand the pull of the strings here and see more heartache for me in future!!
I left my 1yr3 month old at home to go to work in UK.For 1 year i did not see her.(work/exams!!)you know the excuses.Would be alone in my flat and cry.Music helped me and my husband who arrived a few months later..but nobody nothing can ,make you feel good.Now again...i will move and for sometime kids (another one now)will be with my mom.They are safe, looked after and finishing a term/year in school.which seems more important.I can understand why your son decided to give school priority.Hope he does well and achieves what he wishes to.
One thing i learn t in my short experience as a mom..you are lost..changed forever when you become a mother.Take care and be happy

[Chrissygirl]

My husband left last week, and I go in about 6-8 weeks, my 21 yr old daughter, says she feels abandoned and will have no home, but its her choice, she was coming then landed a job with BA and wants to do that, I am so worried, and guilty, but she has to learn and I am hoping that she will miss us and follow in a few months time, I will miss her, and I know she will miss us. I am glad i am not the only one, but I am only staying here until she is settled, otherwise I would have gone with hubby, we all sacrifice for our kids, one day they will understand I hope, anyways thinking of all mums who have left or are going to leave the kids behind, ..............