Dilemma

paw56 · #1 (**permalink**) 9th March 2009, 09:11 AM

I wonder if anyone can help me make up my mind? My husband and I are both academics in our late 50s - he has just been offered a job as an HOD at a University in Melbourne. He wants me to give up my job in the UK to go and live in Melbourne with him. Not only will I have to give up my job but I have two children (24 and 20) who live in the UK who are both students and would not want to come and live with us in Melbourne. I am extremly close to my children and cannot imagine living on the other side of the world from them. I see myself sitting in a house in Melbourne, no family, no friends, no income of my own while my husband is busy at work all day - its an image that I can't get out of my head. Would living in Melbourne compensate for all that I would be giving up? Alternatively, has anyone on this forum had any experience of a long distance relationship that works?

Dolly · #2 (**permalink**) 9th March 2009, 09:20 AM

Hi there,

Welcome to the forum.

Well, to put it bluntly, when someone emigrates halfway around the world, they have to be prepared to leave their friends and family behind. It's easier said than done. Many people have returned home because they miss their F&F too much.

Re having no income of your own...could you not look for a job here? Whether that would be fulfilling enough for you only you can decide.

Lastly, personally if one of you were to move here and the other stay in the UK it would be incredibly hard on the relationship. I don't know whether it would survive.

I'm sorry to be a bit negative, but migrating is a huge thing to do and you have to be 100% as sure as you can be that it is what you want.

I certainly don't envy your dilema.

Hopefully, other members will be able to give you some advice too.

Good luck...
Dolly

kaz101 · #3 (**permalink**) 9th March 2009, 09:47 AM

I don't envy your situation either.

Is your husbands job permanent or just for a limited time?
Does he know how you feel? Have you really talked about this together?

I don't know what visa you are coming over on but it's likely that your children would need their own visas even if they did want to come.

Have either of you been to Melbourne to know if you would like it?

As for friends you have to go out and make new ones - all migrants have to do that!

I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

Regards,
Karen

interplanetjanet · #4 (**permalink**) 9th March 2009, 10:47 AM

It doesn't sound like you're very optimistic about it, so the plan could easily go awry. You can always find new work here (assuming you're on a permanent residence visa). It's not an exciting prospect to start over when you're already established in your career, but there's really no reason you should have to sit at home while here.

My husband and I are academics as well. I also gave up a career to come here, but it was a lot easier for me as I'm only in my mid-30s and have a toddler with another along the way. It was the perfect opportunity for me to spend time with my kids while they're young. My husband is also Australian, so while it's hard to be far away from my family, we've got his family close by. That makes a big difference.

Think long and hard before you jump into it. If you find yourself knowing deep down that the chances for you to be happy are slim, then don't do it. If you're up for an adventure and a big life change, then give it a try. Just make sure you're confident about the choice you make. Good luck!

sammie · #5 (**permalink**) 9th March 2009, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by interplanetjanet

It doesn't sound like you're very optimistic about it, so the plan could easily go awry. You can always find new work here (assuming you're on a permanent residence visa). It's not an exciting prospect to start over when you're already established in your career, but there's really no reason you should have to sit at home while here.

My husband and I are academics as well. I also gave up a career to come here, but it was a lot easier for me as I'm only in my mid-30s and have a toddler with another along the way. It was the perfect opportunity for me to spend time with my kids while they're young. My husband is also Australian, so while it's hard to be far away from my family, we've got his family close by. That makes a big difference.

Think long and hard before you jump into it. If you find yourself knowing deep down that the chances for you to be happy are slim, then don't do it. If you're up for an adventure and a big life change, then give it a try. Just make sure you're confident about the choice you make. Good luck!

Janet, go and give it a try for 6 months, have a return ticket,, see what your skin feels, you will know whether this country is for you or not, if its not for you , you have gained experience and lost nothing,, good luck with your decision best wishes Sam

interplanetjanet · #6 (**permalink**) 9th March 2009, 10:01 PM

Huh? Did you mean to be talking to me, Sam? I've already been in Australia for over six months and am perfectly happy here. I've bought a house and am in for the long haul.

sammie · #7 (**permalink**) 10th March 2009, 05:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by interplanetjanet

Huh? Did you mean to be talking to me, Sam? I've already been in Australia for over six months and am perfectly happy here. I've bought a house and am in for the long haul.

It was meant to be for PAWS.
Paws, left a message for you in the wrong box hehe