Has anyone who's emmigrated experienced...

[Hazel]

an intense bond and closeness with one's spouse or partner? I have found that my husband and I have closed ranks and really become inseparable. We've always had a very good marriage, but 10 years on and I'd say that during this time of settling in to our new country it's been the ****best**** time during our entire married life. Does anyone else feel like that? We went through some really stressful times but it seems to have only strenghthened our bond. Anyway, I was just curious if any of you have experienced these same feelings.....I think it's partly because your partner is the only one (at times) who fully gets you.

[april]

I came over to Japan alone, so no, I didn't experience that. However, in a few years time my boyfriend (who will be my husband then) will move to Australia. I'm Australian so for me it is returning home and going through the motions of reverse-culture shock, which I expect to be very bad. But for him, he's Japanese. So I am actually a bit worried about it. He can speak fluent English, he's been to Australia several times before, but the longest only for a month, and he will have a job to go to. I just hope he confides in me and feels free to complain about the little things in life while adjusting.

[Hazel]

April, I am sure he'll rely on you a lot. If he's open with you now then he'll be open with you when you come back. Men don't seem to go through a huge personality change like some women do. I do understand that as a Japanese man, he might have a different culture/way of outwardly dealing with things. My husband has always been a man of very few words, and he continued to be like that even after the big move, but just the fact that he was there for me and I knew he understood me when I ranted and raved. I must say that he was very patient with me and you'll be patient too with your (by then)husband : -) If you're still on this forum in a few years when you come back home, I'd love to know what it's like to go through reverse culture-shock. I guess you feel just as uncomfortable and strange, hey. So interesting and weird, all these feelings. Where in Oz will you come back?

[april]

Thanks! Yeah I am sure he will continue to tell me what he is feeling when we move to Australia, in his own manly way, of course! ;-)

I am a Queensland girl, but more than likely we will live in Sydney as that is where my guy's company is if he gets transferred (he works for an international company), but if he doesn't that is where all the jobs are for his industry. Plus he is a Tokyo-ite, so I think Brisbane would be too small for him. I would never even consider moving him to my small country hometown! I am picturing him there now - so funny! He wouldn't know what to do without a train station every 500metres and a convenient store every 50!

[Hazel]

It sounds like you'll both be happy in Sydney because maybe now you'd also get bored in Queensland...as you said, reverse culture shock. I wonder if it's more difficult getting used to a big city when you're from a small place, or the other way round. I don't know if I could ever live in a huge city. Then again, I'm very adaptable...but the thought intimidates me!! I'd feel so small....although big cities are very exciting.

[kendra]

Hazel, its lovely to hear how happy you are. I think its stressful events that help the bonding, we havent moved but have become closer after severe illness.
Big life changes often seem to make or break a relationship.

[Hazel]

Aww, thanks Kendra :-) I'm truly sorry to hear about your hubby's illness. I both things improve and I do hope you get that home sold!! Where you are living now, are the hospitals not equipped for your dh's treatment? At one time my daughter was really sick with severe asthma, allergies, reflux and an ulcer and I was worried sick as she was spending her whole life in bed and looked like death. She is now sooo much better with her asthma nowhere near as bad. I hope things turn around for you soon.....and I am happy that the two of you have also been brought closer during this horrible experience.

[kendra]

Yes, the hospitals are fine but we're 45 ks away so the constant travel chews up the pension!
We'll be fine in the long run, we have each other & friends & family.
Thanks for caring

[Hazel]

Oh I see what you mean...that *is* too far away. Good luck.

[synthia]

kendra, I'm sorry you and your husband are going through such a rough time.