Married to a Thai Woman

Serendipity2 · #68 (**permalink**) 19th November 2009, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by monjardinfrancais

I would say that although I recognize many qualities to my Thai wife, the biggest problem I got is indeed communication, so big it even ruined my couple.

Thai women (or at least mine) rely totally on me for all decisions that might have to be taken in our lives. This totally the oposite of what I was used to back in Europe, where decisions are debated and agreed together.
So I really find it frustrated that each time I ask a question to my thai wife, I never get any answer, most of the time worst, the answer is a long silent.

As many of us back in Europe believe, Communication is one of the basic pillar for a stable and strong relationship, as it permits to avoid issues before they arrive and to solve (or at least try to) day to day problems. Also it permits to understand each other better, know where the limits are and what one likes or don't like.

Anyway, this was never the case with me, and I must say, once again, that as it has been three years now that we are together (1 year married), I still do not have a slightest idea as to what she likes or don't. I do not know what she wants in life, her plans, desires, etc.

One might think there is a big difference of age, well no, she is 36 and I am 40. We have a beautiful 1 year old baby. So the different of age is not the reason.

So, I have been thinking, and I concluded that it might probably be cultural. Why is my thai wife not capable of communicating with me, even if she speaks acceptable english?

The frustration that have been growing on my side for the lack of communication now reaches such a level that I am thinking that she probably do not like me, that she never loved me and that she sticks with me coz she's got no where to go and so she stays here for material reasons. If so, it is unacceptable to me.

I have asked her many, many, many times why she does not talk to me, and I never got any answer. After three years asking the same question over again, I often get upset as a reaction to her silence. Me being upset, blocks her even more, and I think she even might get scared of me now, even if I am not being violent with her.

So and to finish with, I think we are arriving at the end of the road, and as I have told her that, she told me... do what you think is best... which makes me even more desperate, as even the prospect of a divorce doesn't make her change her communication. Thai women are living the life, accepting what ever happens. It is another thing I do not understand as in europe, most of us fight for what we think is right. Accepting what ever comes is not an option for us, and often considered as being coward (well at least to me). So before I pay a visit to my lawyer and introduce a divorce request, I would appreciate any advise on how to communicate with a Thai/Isan woman... Feel free to share...

monjardinfrancais,

We westerners come to Thailand and are enchanted by Thai women. In part because we're dissatisfied with the attitudes and demands of western women. We find Thai women such a refreshing change. They are pleasant, treat us very well and are generally subservient. That is the cultural difference of most Asian women - and we are beguiled. Then set out to destroy that which we thought we wanted. How ironic - and how foolish we humans are.

Perhaps the reason your wife doesn't communicate with you is that all her life she has been taught by her culture to be the obedient wife. To stand by her man, keep his home and raise his children. Asian women do not think of themselves as equals to their husbands. They will virtually always defer to their husband. Maybe the reason your wife doesn't communicate with you is that she doesn't feel secure. Judging by your post you pretty much indicate the same. Rather than bemoan your relationship why not go out of your way to show her you do care and you want the marriage to work. That should be your primary goal. That and caring for your new baby.

You mention you've been together 3 years and married just one year but already have a baby. My congratulations to you and your wife on your baby. With a baby comes the responsibility of being a man and helping to raise your child and give your baby a mother AND a father and a feeling of security rather than moaning that your wife won't talk to you - or that she is silent. Or you can dump her and give your child no love or support. One more child to grow up without a father in this world. Isn't it your time to step up and be that man? For your baby?

You could also quit worrying about your wife not communicating with you. Give her lots of hugs and words of encouragement. That would go a long way to healing your marriage. All women need to feel wanted and loved and when they do you will receive the same in return. If you do you will reap the blessings of a wonderful marriage but if you decide to chuck it and leave her stranded remember that you will damage your child and that damage will be permanent. A child needs both a mother and a father. Remember, no marriage is perfect. There are a lot of bumps along the road but if you stay with it you will be blessed. If you don't, and decide to leave her, then you also abandon your child. Hopefully you'll do the right thing and step up to your obligations as a father.

Serendipity2