Book recommendations - Thai thinking and Thai culture

KhwaamLap · #4 (**permalink**) 12th July 2009, 08:35 AM

Hi S2,

some interesting points (and I agree with the term 'simplistic' - like any culture thats over a 1000 years old, you ain't going to fit it in a few hundred pages). There's more to it in Thailand too - as it was never under the rule of an imperial power (OK ignoring Japan in WWII as it was a bit late by then - and this was somewhat consentual - like France? - and perhaps the fact that Sukho-Thai invaded Lanna to become Siam in the first place) - it has never been completely nationalised. I mean by this that there are distinct sub cultures in Thailand that are really quite different. This is more than Texas and New York, or London and Norfolk (or Scotland/Wales/NI) - as these are the same people with diffeent views. In Thailand Isaan is very different in culture to, say the far south (Yala) as the people come from different cultures themselves (and even different religions in part). This makes it difficult to generalise what is "expected" on a national level.

As to being invited out and expected to pay, this is generally against Thai norms - it would normally be the inviter that pays, not the Farang. Of course, this doesn't mean we are not taken advantag of, or that many Farang want to 'show off' and pay anyway.

Sin Sot (dowry) has so many unwritten rules its a mine field. Farang are divided on the issue more perhaps than Thai sub cultures. The way it was explained to me by my Thai friends was this: (and I expect many disagreements - this is just how I was told) - Sin Sot is paid once to any woman of virtue (not necessarily a virgin) who is to marry for the first time. It is paid to the parents for two reasons - one to pay them back for the upbringing they have given the girl (education/teaching to cook and clean/feeding her/etc) and also for the fact that you would be taking her from the family 'farm' to your 'farm' and thus they would loose the 'trained' worker and you would gain the same. ('Farm' isn't meant to be directed at the North here, its meant as a generic term meaning family/hearth/business/household whatever). The second reason was to show your valuation as to her worth - this is why the money is usally displayed. Often th money would be given back to the couple to start their lives (it was with me for example) - though the costs may be deducted (party/gowns/donation to temple/etc).

We hear a lot of stories of huge sin sot's being paid to ladyboy, bar girls, divorcees etc - and often the marrying farang come to the defence of his woman's honour with ferosity if one was to say it should not be paid (as if that person is saying she is not worth it) - this is not the case (and again is a farang misunderstanding of the culture) - many Thais scoff and laugh at this. If she is a dicorcee her family should already have received their 'payment' for her worth - and in affect got her free in the inbetween years. A ladyboy is outside of the 'process' as it would be expect as a male (at lease when growing up) he contributed with work to his 'farm' - and like any male, does not get Sin Sot. The bar girl's arwe the most difficult to talk about without causing offense, but it is very unlikely any Thai man would pay Sin Sot in this regard.

Thai divorce courts are actually, in diametrically opposed to many people views, quite fair - which is why a lot of Thais do not ever get divorced, but simply separate and 'marry' again (village marriage - not official). Things are usually divided pretty much 50:50 as they would be in the west - Penuptials are taken into consideration (but can be overruled, like in the UK). Often assets owned before the marriage can be excluded - depending on whether the court see it as if te marriage contributed to the pkeep of thos assets etc - off shore assets are usually safe simply because of jurisdiction - though may cause an uneven balance in onshore divisions. Prenuptials are important if you are entering a marriage with a lot of assets - otherwise its a waste of money really (and possibly detremental if she has assets coming in!). It is even possible for the farang to inherit/be awarded the family land, but special rules apply and the land must be sold within a year (Farang can not own land in their own name).
Assets in children's names are protected by law (which is why many farang-Thai couples put their houses in their kid's names in trust as a protection).

I have read many book on Thai culture, understanding the Thai mind and doing business in Thailand, but they are all missing an awful lot - make sweeping generalisations and are often just completely wrong. It is good to do research before coming here - and such a Culture Shock is good from this stand point - but do not rely on this wisdom to build golden rules in your mind, keep it open and modify as you get to know them and their culture.

I have a list of books which I will post when they arrive - eta December (a friend has them stored and will ship them with her stuff then).