First off I want to thank frogblogger for his list of books regarding Thailand. It would be beneficial to anyone and everyone to know a lot more about Thailand if they're thinking of living there for any appreciable period of time and for those who entertain "Walter Mitty" thoughts about marrying a Thai I would say it's very important.

When I was about 1/2 way through the book I nearly chucked it. From my perspective it's very simplistic - as though the two sat down one afternoon and decided to crank out a book. I do not know Thai customs to any degree but I do know American customs and it is rare that a boy on prom night is going to take his date to meet his parents. He will, of course, meet hers and "mom and dad" are going to be very keen to meet him and make sure he takes good care of their daughter. But then dragging her to meet his parents. Unlikely unless they've been dating a long time. Even then most likely not unless mom or dad [or both] are his transportation but since this was the prom they were writing about he'll have either borrowed their car, own his or be on a double date. Aside from the prom American teenage boys do not bring girls flowers [unless head over heals for her] or have their picture taken together. This section was written by the Thai female author not the American. I wonder if he bothered to proof her writing? Or didn't want her to "lose face"?

That said, there are some very important concepts that I was only vaguely aware of and of great importance for you to know if you're going to date or marry a Thai. The one foremost in mind is na'am jai. Simply, you gain stature or "face" the more lavish the gifts you give your girl friend or her parents. You are also supposed to pay a dowry to the girl's parents. The author goes on to say you should also plan to support her parents when they get old and buy them a car etc. In other words, you become a revered member of the family as long as you're generous. Other adventures also await you. You may, for example, be invited out to dinner by her family and lots of friends - and they expect YOU to pay. And, the more prized the girl [presumably young, virgin, pretty, well educated] the higher the dowry.

Now I do think one should be generous with one's mate - to a point. That point will be different for every one of us. I don't, for example, think it's my obligation to pay her cell phone bill. If she wants a cell phone she should be willing to pay for it. That said, it is [usually] the male's job to support his wife - and at a better standard than she had when living with her family. I understand that. Where I begin to fall short on na'am jai is my obligation to buy "mom and dad" a new home? What was wrong with their old home. Or a car for her brother? Perhaps in the next lifetime. I do think it our obligation to help her parents but only to the extent the other siblings also help. The Gringo is NOT an ATM nor should he be treated as one. Na'am jai seems a very clever way to transfer your wealth to her family. Do not forget as well, when you marry a Thai [at least if you're an American] that marriage is recognized in the USofA as well. [probably in most western countries as well] Why do I mention this? If you DO get a divorce, unless you have a prenuptial agreement, your other assets could be divided between you and her. I do not know Thai courts but can bet you a beer that you will lose in a Thai court. And you will pay your divorce attorney and you will pay her divorce attorney. So, get a prenuptial but also be generous to her. Depending upon how long you are married the amount she receives should increase - and hopefully will last forever.

Anyway, I could write a small book about just na'am jai but for those thinking about a Thai wife - you need to know what it is and what is expected of you and try to negotiate a happy medium. One thing is critical [and Thais hate this] talk it out so that each of you knows what he or she wants or is willing to do. If you don't, believe me, it WILL come back to haunt you. Rememeber, happy wife, happy life - but also remember the difference between herpes and true love. Herpes IS forever. [true love rarely is]

So, for those who have not read "Thailand Fever" - even though I thought it was simplistic and generalized way to much and talked way to much about the sex industry and how other nations look down on Thailand because of it - most of that is rubbish. The average American has heard of Thailand but knows almost nothing about it. I doubt they are aware of the sex industry and I would never make my girl friend /wife ever apologize for the sex industry as though, somehow, she was behind it. Anyway, thanks frogblogger for the heads up and while I disagree with much of it I did learn a lot. That alone is more than worth the cost of the book. I would like to hear other's comments IF you've read the book. [hard to comment on what you've not read though I guess you could comment on na'am jai!]

Serendipity2

Now on to the next read.. "My Thai Girl and I"